Hurt people MUST Heal....

My time in Huntsville has finally come to an end. It’s been filled with lots of lessons and above all Patience. I’ve wanted to jump the gun on many occasions and leave but a block was placed each time until NOW. I couldn’t appreciate the blocks when they were there but now..... Whew! I’m better because I had to pick them up and learn the lesson while removing the sting of being here.

This morning as I’ve read through 4 years worth of blogs, I can honestly say I had to come thru Huntsville. In my early 30’s, I dated someone from here. I even intended to move here at some point. Who knew life ( GOD) already knew I’d come thru this place and it would NOT be with Mr. September!

As I reflected on life and my growth, I’m thankful for each person I’ve encountered. I’m thankful for the relationships that have truly lasted a lifetime and I’m even thankful for the ones that have been brief, for there was a lesson more than anything else.

I must say, while in HSV I’ve encountered a lot of hurt and broken people. Just recently, I was told of a conversation that was had about me. I’m sure it was meant to break me but it truly made me laugh and work harder towards my exit plan.

I believe we have to hear things in order to process how people truly feel about us. I’ve been called many things but to hear “ you ain’t shyt” was low....Whew that’s an all time low. And while I could’ve chose to blog about many things, I just want to end the year on this note.

It’s okay to seek HELP! There are so many people who are walking around bleeding out on others because they haven’t found ways to stop their own bleeding. In turn, they lash out hurtful and insensitive words because that’s all they know. They respond with hurt because they’ve been hurt.
They’re negative and even a bit selfish... if nothing else, I’ve learned now more than ever; we cannot carry the hurt and baggage of others. And if we continue to stay in that type of environment we’ll conform.

I like a good Challenge. So my lovies here goes,
I challenge each of you finish 2019 with dropping baggage that isn’t yours. Drop words curses, remove friendships/ relationships that are toxic, leave dead end jobs that will not produce growth and LOVE YOURself like only you can.

Life happens extremely fast. Do not let another 10 years pass and you’re  still in the same cycle. BREAK it! Only you can change what you do not like and only you can decide when enough is enough!

If you don’t know, you now do!

ChenekaT the Blogger is back!

I’ve laid low for a while to rebuild, refocus, rest and renew. Sometimes we have to be strong enough to admit we need a little help but we also have to know when we’ve gotten all we can and it’s time to STAND again!

It’s Wednesday and guys we’ve made it. You’re better than anything that’s trying to hurt you and tear you down! Believe it!!!

Take time to heal... and in healing it doesn’t always mean making old relationships new again. To heal  means to pull off the band aids and let fresh air hit the wound. If we keep covering it up, we’re not breathing thru it. We’re not acknowledging it. We’re aware but we haven’t tackled it.

Fight thru for your happiness and work even harder to heal your hurt. You’re no good to anyone if you’re 1st no good to yourself!

Thanks everyone who has been on this 2 year journey with me while in HSV. It’s time for me to get back to living!!

Sincerely,
The Blogging Queen,
ChenekaT

Reflections...

New Color Alert!! Short & Sassy

Happy New Year Gals and Guys,


I hope your 2018 has started off on a good foot. Do not lose your momentum, keep going. The prize awaits and you cannot get it by becoming discouraged..


It's been a while since I've shared some of my inner most thoughts. I figured, why not today? The truth is, life is hard. And if you don't pay attention, it happens extremely fast. You'll look up and find that you've wasted so much time and have nothing to show for it( personally or spiritually). You're judgement will become frazzled and you'll start questioning yourself and decisions you've made.

I promised myself for 2018, to be absolutely honest with myself, about my truths and walk with God. 

For starters, the last quarter of 2017 was the worst. My grandfather died, I relocated and cancer took the life of a very special little girl that I cared for. Not to mention all of the other "STUFF"  associated with living. My eyes were opened to people but they TRULY opened when it came to examining myself.. I was living but I wasn't living. I was consumed with being a good mother, keeping bills paid and ignoring who I KNOW I was called and destined to be. You ever have that feeling like, " There has to be more" and while feeling there's more, you're smiling and celebrating others walking into their more and then there's you? No, seriously...

The decision to leave Georgia was somewhat bittersweet. I didn't see it in the midst of packing and crying because I was still trying to compromise. If I do this, I can then do this and this will happen. But it was bigger than me compromising. It was bigger than being angry at the situation. It was the turning point of a new level of learning and grace that I needed to experience.

The death of my grandfather still truly hasn't hit me and I honestly don't think it ever will. My grandfather was an amazing man. And although he was my grandfather, it wasn't until the last year or 2  of his life, that we began to talk more. Now don't get me wrong, Spiritually he was absolutely the best but personally we lacked in the bonding area. In March of 2017, I went back home for business purposes. I had made arrangements to stay at a hotel but something inside of me screamed, " Cheneka stay with your grandparents".. I'm glad I listened to that voice. A few short months later my grandfather transitioned. I knew in March, he wouldn't be around much longer and I'm forever grateful for those 2 days I spent with him and my grandmother. We ate the best Chinese food and every night while there he and I talked. The 1st night we talked until we both became tired. He said, " Are you sleepy", I responded "YES". He said I was waiting for you to get tired so we both could go to sleep. We laughed, I kissed him and walked into my bedroom. The next night we talked about life, my dreams, my kids and plans for the future. As I type now, tears are falling. Not because I'm sad but because I made a decision that allows me to sleep peacefully at night. Had I not stayed there, I'd be an absolute mess.  

Death is the reminder that all things do not last forever. However, memories do.  I'll forever, hold my grandfather close. 

The more we live, we learn. The more we learn, we're better equipped to make sound decisions. Life will have you feeling like you've failed. It'll even make you question decisions you make. Trust me, always be honest with yourself about everything. You know your truth and you need to live it and walk in it daily. 

The 1st few weeks in Alabama were a complete drag. I was busy working and volunteering and as much as I hated it, my soul needed it. The thing about being a Single Mom, Alpha Woman; to some degree you have to always be in control and know what's going to happen next. My first few weeks, I had no idea of what would happen next. I ws just living. Truth is, I wasn'y just living. I was resting. Not in bed, eyes closed resting. I was emotionally, spiritually and financially resting.  Few people truly understand the weight mothers carry when you're single. It's not always easy. Ive said it before, there's nothing like a mother's love. And even at the age of 38( 39 in a few weeks) being here with my Mother has been nothing but absolutely love. Yes, she cooks alot of red meat( which we do not eat.. Smile Mom) but just being under the same roof with her has been what I've needed. I'm thankful.

Decemeber, was another blow. Most of you may or may not know, I ran a very successful Nanny/Sitter Service in Atlanta ( KISS, Kid Inspired Sitter Services, thinking about launching an Alabama KISS, stay tuned). I was afforded the opportunity to care for the Kwon twin girls, Sareon and Diem. Sareon and Diem were diagnosed with Autism a year into recieving KISS services. Mom and Dad always kept me in the loop and we were always coming up with plans on how to help the girls. I'll forever be grateful that they trusted me enough to care for them. June 2017, Diem was diagnosed with childhood cancer. I visited her shortly after he 1st surgery. My heart ached. That was my baby too, laying in the bed at Atlanta Children's hospital. We continued to check in with updates. I'll forever, respect their mom Aloni to the highest regard because she always kept me informed. The night before Diem took her last breath, I was able to talk with them and see that pretty face. I'll never erase from my memory her mom saying, "Our baby is dying"... Diem died, Christmas Eve morning, 8:45 am. Rest peaceful Diem Monroe Kwon, age 5. 

Motherhood, not the easiet task but someone has to do it...

As January comes to an end and February awaits, next month I will turn 39!! Where is time going? I remember turning 18, 21 ( losing my 1st child), 25 (awaiting the birth of Chelia the following month), 30 and celebrating with  the guy I loved and wanted to marry.. Milestone ages and memories. What will 39 bring?

As I reflect, I also I look forward to the future with anticipation and readiness. I'm ready for all the good that will come my way. On December 31st, i put into the atmosphere marriage.. I've been single for over 4 years. Come on Jesus and do it for the kid( if it's your will).. and if not, I'll keep on living,  striving and becoming.. 

The Saga continues..

Signed,
Simply Cheneka

I Bring Peace....

Happy Saturday!! Hey my Lovies, it's been a while since I've blogged. I've been living and not in a bad way. Growing, closing doors and walking through new ones. 

My Friday and Saturday nights are now spent with a new group of kids. I must admit, at first I did not want to get to know these kids. In my heart, they did not compare to my Boston babies. My Boston babies taught me the importance of being a voice, speaking up in the gang ridden communities, fighting for equality, speaking out against minimum wage. 

This new group, they come from money. I mean what could possible go wrong in their families? They have financial freedom? All of that changed lastnight as one of the young men truly shared what was on his heart. 

Have you ever just sat and listened to the youth? Do you take moments to actively listen to them without being judgemental? Did you know they go through it? They get discouraged and they feel that they're talked at and not talked too? 

As my student talked, my heart went out to him. As he talked about his family, I thought of my own families. As he talked about what he feels could work at the school, I thought about how as adults we miss the mark because we think we know it all. 

As it neared the time for him to go to his room, I asked what was his favorite candy. As I spent time with my daughter today, by choice I grabbed a bag of skittles for him. Li asked, "Mommy are those for you"? I responded, "No, for one of the youth at my school".. 

My intent is not to cover up what he feel, not to find answers for his numerous questions BUT to be a trustworthy adult in his life. My intent is to build a bond, be a voice and be balance. 

My Lovies, I challenge you to listen with your ears and stop listening to respond. We get caught up in being adults that we forget we made mistakes and at one point we wanted to be heard and valued. 

Tonight when I walk on campus, I come with listening ears and skittles... 

Signed, 

Simply Cheneka 

I'm Every Woman...

I've struggled to put this particular blog into words. I went as far as to reach out to one of my writer sistergirls to get her thoughts. I was thinking to do a "Spotlight" then I figured maybe a "Feature". Then it hit me, this is just as much my story as hers because she's my Aunt. One of my mother's closest sisters. 

Meet my Aunt Tric'e, Author of No Longer will I hide the Stranger in my Bed. In this book, she holds back nothing and she's shares intimate parts of her life. 

I remember her wedding like it was yesterday. She married in this huge church and she looked like a Princess. Who knew that night she'd suffer at the hands of her husband. I mainly remember her wedding because I wanted to marry her then husband with a huge wedding in Disney ( I was all of 5 or 6 years old). Growing up, even as a child, their marriages seemed so glamorous. He was an organist and she was a psalmist. They traveled the entire East Coast singing together. 

As years progressed, it all still seemed peachy until she announced to the family what was really happening behind closed doors and filed for divorce( you must purchase her book to get the full 

scoop). I've always believed that in some cases children make it better but in her case, she was barren and that itself caused her to suffer thoughts of never being enough.. 

As I look back on my Aunt's life, I commend her for being as strong as she was. She smiled and lived off $10 and never skipped a beat. She raised her children and never ever lost her Faith. 

So many things go undiscussed because we do not want to be judged. The real test is when you can share your story and help others. Currently, she's preparing her second memoir and celebrating her book being released on Kindle for electronic purchase. 

Stay tuned and keep your eyes open for Patricia Hobbs- Williams. 

My Lovies, abuse of any kind is abuse. While it's mainly women who suffer, I've learned that men are silent sufferers as well. I urge you to never allow yourself to be anyone's punching bag with their words, physical punches or unsolicited sexual abuse. We ARE each other's voices, stories and sisters. We are Everyone! Thank You Aunti, for becoming a voice against abuse. 

Signed, 

Simply Cheneka, the niece of a Survivor 

Life...

Today was a good day. I was a bit apprehensive but with all things, go in with no expectations and it'll all work out. 

I started my new job. The funny thing, I was nervous as hell but I didn't tell a soul. I mean I'm Cheneka, Cheneka is never ever nervous. LASTNIGHT as I prepared, I changed my outfit like 6 times, worried about lunch( I was starving by 12, I only packed a grapefruit, water and chewy bar), almost cried because I knew I would miss my daughter's award ceremony( how does it work when you 6th grader comforts you about missing HER ceremony, which by the way she exceeded my expectations but hey she's a branch of ME), stressed over my hours( whether I'd make it to Roswell in time to pick up my son) worried about my workload, school and my business... ( which by the way, S/O to my Women's Org Partner LB, for holding KISS down).

But I remembered where the Bible says, "be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication, with Thanksgiving, let YOUR request be made known", Phil 4:6.. I wrote in my prayer journal, made my request known, commanded my day; Power, Love, Grace, Glory & Peace surround me and closed my eyes. 

There's nothing more rewarding that doing what you love. My entire career has consisted of service.. Service to families, babies, mothers, fathers, youth and the community. For the last 20 plus years, I've given of myself to help others and today was just the beginning of a new extension of service. 

I keep reminding myself, "You're here for this", in my Spiritual Life, Personal Life,Business  Life.. I'm Here For This.. 

My Lovies, I challenge you to find your niche and work it/ serve it/ be it/ live it. 

Do it so well that, they'll know it's you before they see your face. I'm excited for this new opportunity, new doors, new gRace and new families. Today, I became.. 

Signed, 

Simply Cheneka

It's A Family Affair...

We like pickles. Last year at our family reunion, my Aunt sent us home with 3 large jars of sandwich dill pickles. 

As I cleaned and began the process of packing and throwing things out, I came across this jar in my daughter's room( she started saving her change so she could purchase snacks during lunch at school). I smiled. I love when she takes the initiative to be great. A few days later, I lurked ( lol) upon a post on Instagram explaining how if you save a penny each day( it's complicated but here's a break down, January 1st= 1 penny, February 1st= 32 pennies because it's the 32nd day of the year and so forth) you'd have close to $700 by the end of the year. I shared the post with my daughter and instantly she responded with, " let's do it mommy, it can be our vacation jar". I started out saving a penny each day but I soon realized, it's easier for me to dump the change from my wallet daily. My son has even taken an interest in our savings jar. His contributions are few but the mere fact that he's amped to share his 3 pennies warms my heart. 

I've vowed this year to be a year of financial flexibility for us. I recently purchased a new vehicle and we'll soon move into our new house. Yes, I carry the financial responsibility for the three of us alone. While I've made more money boo boos than the law should allow, I've now become a bit more conscious with the spending decisions I make. 4 little eyes are watching me and one wallet suffers when I mess up. 

So here's to a year of saving like a boss, so when it's time to spend like one, I won't have to worry about replacing what I've spent!! 

My Lovies, I challenge you to save. Involve your little ppl too. They will thank you later.

Signed,

Simply Saving Cheneka~

My MoodaPie..

When your little girl is no longer a little girl.. Sighhh 

My daughter traveled over the holiday break to our hometown to spend time with her father and his family. I'm always ok with her going, I'm just never prepared for the length of time. ( Long distance Co-Parenting blogs soon coming)- she returned Sunday and it felt like it had been an eternity. Yes, I talked to her daily, face timed daily but it wasn't the same as having her right within my touch. 

I try not to tell her this but she's my little best friend some days. I look to her to find the strength to keep being great because ( although my son is watching) she's actively watching and taking notes. 

I'm always amazed at how mature she's becoming but the conversations we've had since her return have seriously blown my mind. I'm always plucking her brain. ----> I digress: Yesterday, I had a friend to ask why was I interrogating him and it made me later think. Was I? But it's really just my human nature. To properly communicate, we must ask questions and because I'm A parent, I sometimes find myself using those techniques more than I should. 

Anyhoo, the more I talk to my daughter, I realize that she's like me but better. She has the potential to be better because I refuse to settle for anything less from her. I was worried with raising her without her father being in close proximity but I'm realizing we're doing fine. We have a village and although it's made of mostly women, I have awesome men as well who look out and who are genuinely concerned for both Li and Matthew( it does not replace her father but it eases my mind). 

I'm preparing to go back to school and as we talked about how our lives will change just a little, she reminded me, "Mommy I have your back and I'm so extremely proud of you". She also said, " I'm going to stay on you about getting your homework done and I'll keep Matthew quiet while you study". My heart was full. 

I also understand that sometimes, she's an ear hustler! Lol but it's ok because it keeps me on my toes with monitoring my conversations when she is in my presence. I try my best to live my life the same in front of her and behind closed doors, it's the only way. She said to me yesterday, "Mommy you are my best friend. I get it, you're my mom and you don't want to be my friend but sometimes I have so much fun with you". Just talking about her and watching her mature brings tears because there's been times where I wanted to give up but her love for me kept me going. 

Our 1st year in Georgia was hard. We moved twice within our 1st year. I never really talk about it but I questioned my move my 1st year. It was just the 2 of us literally. I didn't work the 1st 6months by choice. Once I started working and meeting ppl the load became lighter and I now know, it strengthened us and grew me up. 

Oh my babygirl Li, who will turn 12 in about 2months, I thank God for your life. I'm thankful that I get to look at you and watch you grow. Sometimes, I cannot believe how much you've grown since we moved to Georgia. My little girl who's now taller than me. I Love you my little Mooda Pie and although I'll never openly admit it, you're my best friend too. 

Signed, 

Simply Your Mom ❣❣❣

A little Photographer Love..

For the past 6 years, I've lived in Atlanta, Ga. I can honestly say, they have been the absolute best. I've learned to believe in myself and trust the process.  Yes, I've faced adversities, I've cried, I've wanted to leave but I never gave up..

I could go on to say so much but that would take away from this amazing Beast Female Photographer who's about to take the world by storm. 

The woman behind this amazing shot is non other than MY sissy, MY day 1 since my 1st month in Georgia, Karm Howard. 

I mer her at church. I've never told her this but her face, her kind smile and genuine concern was another reason I fell in love with my church. There were some Sunday's I was truly considering going back home and I would see her and she'd love on me and Li. We exchanged numbers and from there we've grown into more than friends, she's My SISSY. She's my kids TeTe, she'll pray with and for me and she's even put me in my place a time or two and has checked my attitude( if you know me, not everyone can get me together real quick). 

But let me tell you WHY she needs to be THEE photographer for your photo needs. She's just amazing hands down. She has an eye for great shots too. This summer, my parents visited from Mass and my father expressed he wanted professional pics done with the grandchildren. I called her up, told her what we needed and even with a gloomy overcast, she produced some shots that we will enjoy for years to come.

I'm excited for her future and where her love/ passion for great pictures will lead her. I'm a bit torn because i want her to be a bridesmaid when that special day rolls around;(fingers crossed, feeling optimistic)  and I also want her to capture every moment because she knows me oh so well. 

I urge you to go check her out on Instagram at ShutterChicAtl.. You will NOT be disappointed. Tell her NekaT sent you.. 

Here's to My Sissy, my thrifting motivator, my praying sister, the Checker & Face fixer Karm.. I love you and I'm excited for this phase of life you're about to enter.. Can't wait to see your pictures featured all of the world.. 

Signed, 

I Support Thee Greatest 

I don't want your Money..

Growing up, my brothers' friends were always at our house. I think we were the convient house of the neighborhood. Right across from the Community Center and everyone called my mother "Ma". 

As I became a little social bug, my friends also started to hang out at my house. I never understood why my mother never said "No", until I became a mother. 

I believe what we give may not come back directly to us in our lifetime but if we sow into good ground, our off spring will reap from the harvest. 

I'm the neighborhood mom that if someone is acting up at the bus stop, I'll get them together really quick. Last year we had crazy winter weather. I would be the mom to load the kids in my truck and drop them off at my daughter's school.  

I guess one would say I'm in the right business of serving Families( especially single parents, they have a special place in my heart). But I look at it this way, what I put out in the universe will benefit my children. 

I've learned to not always expect something in return but to genuinely give of my time however I can. 

This month alone, at least 6 of my friends have prepared their daughters to move into college. One in particular is veryyyyyy far from home ( but Aunti Nek got her covered). I've watched their moms cry and the dads say hey I'm just a phone call, drive or flight away. While the girls are ready to start new chapters in their new found independence, the challenge for the parents have now become, how will my child adapt to life without me( yup you read right lol).. 

I believe this is where what we've given to the world will now return to our children. I've committed to my friends and their daughters to be readily available to them. No, I cannot take the place of mom but if you need a home cooked meal, a visit to the mall or hair salon or just in need of a motherly figure, "I got you". We're only as strong as the village we help to build. 

Today my lovies, if you're a parent I challenge you to trust that what you've given to the universe will now give to your children. What you have sown may not be for you but a plenteous harvest for your children. I'm excited for all of our children's futures because I have some amazing people in my village. 

Signed, 

I Give because I Care

I have a reason to Smile...

I absolutely love my daughter. I'm not perfect but the way she admires me, trusts me and believes in me, pushes me to be greater. 

Yesterday, a neighbor was faced with a very unfortunate circumstance. Like us( when we 1st relocated here), she's here alone. My children and I helped her as much as we could. Between handling KISS business and being Mommy, my assistance was limited.  

When it became to overwhelming and business required more of my attention, my daughter continued to help with that beautiful dimpled smiley face. She said, "Mommy thank you for being so strong and taking great care of me and my brother". To watch her help without complaining was proof that I'm doing something right. 

As I watched her lift boxes, I noticed she has some serious muscles. I appreciate my daughter so much and yesterday was a glimpse into her future. She will be blessed. Although I'm not always the easiest person to understand, I have a compassionate heart( sometimes more compassionate than it should be) and I've somehow shared that trait with my daughter. 

Today loves, let's be the reason our children will chose to be kind to someone. Let's continue to be models of humility and greatness in front of them. It starts at home. Today and everyday, our home will be filled with so much love

 that each person will feel it!! 

Signed, 

Because of Love

She Knows...

Lastnight as I sat in the kitchen after my hike, I got a text from my daughter. As most know, they are on vacation with my parents in Alabama. The text caught me a little off guard and it filled my eyes with tears and it filled my heart with love.. 

I was not expecting my daughter to send that. Although she is physically with me, she does communicate with her dad regularly and their relationship is loving. 

I've always cringed when ppl would attempt to honor me on Father's Day. I would quickly shoot down the wish because I'm confident in knowing I'm a great Mother. Although my role is a bit more challenging because I'm a single parent; it does not take away from who their fathers are. Had it not been for their fathers, my babies would not be here. I may not always agree with how they chose to be involved with my kids. However, I can honestly say it does not change who I am as their mother. 

Relocating was MY choice. Did I feel at times that my kids would lose out? Hell yes BUT in order for me to grow, soar and be who I am, I had to do it. Some days are harder than others. Some days I cry hard, some days only a few tears fall. 

Ultimately, I'm ok with just being their mom. I know there are things they can and will only learn from their fathers and I'm ok with it. I embrace them having a bond with their fathers. 

Today, in this moment my heart is full. Not because my daughter sent this text but because she understands that I play a significant role in her life. My Cubs and I are close. We grow together, we laugh together and sometimes we cry together. It makes us stronger.

I know some really Amazing Dads. I could never ever walk in their shoes as I would hope they would not want to walk in mine. I have one guy friend in particular who is the perfect model to keeping the lines of communication open after divorce. We talk quite often( well he does the most talking 💙) and he's always on the move to either see his kids or pick them up. I commend him quite often because dads are given the raw end of the deal. 

Today my Loves, let's find it in our hearts to forgive ourselves for some of the decisions we've made. As we forgive ourselves, let's then find ways to see the positive in our children's fathers( or mothers for my male subscribers). It's not always easy but it's possible. Our children's attitudes will be a reflection of our feelings and emotions. We grow wiser and stronger daily, let's pass that trait to our children.. 

Signed, 

I'm better because I'm NOT bitter 

Let's Toast

My niece is friggin amazing. I remember the 1st time I met her. This spoiled rotten 3 year old in a purple and black shearling leather coat. 

Who would've ever thought she'd be one of my driving forces to keep pushing myself to the limit. 

World, look out for my babygirl Brittanie La've( she's gonna kill me, thank God I'm in GA) Allen. Future lawyer. 

Although I don't see her as much as I would like, we always pick right back up when we play catch up. Did I mention she's also my kids' Godmom? A responsibility she does not take lightly. 

The epitome of class, Grace and elegance. She makes me proud and my heart smile. She's currently completing Law School in Massachusetts( my hometown). She has already sat on a high profile case( the Boston Marathon Bomber) and just last week she informed me that, her boss chose her to help work the Black Lives Matter, Mass Chapter. Do you see why she makes me proud?

She has overcome many obstacles to get where she is right now. I'm glad that she chose me to be apart of her village. 

NiecyBoo, my love for you is endless. I'm always a call, text, drive, flight away. You're never EVER alone. Its my charge and pleasure to keep you lifted in prayer and to support your every endeavor.

Thank you for also believing in me, Loving me (and the little people) and always taking the time to make your presence felt even thru facetime. We love you babygirl!

Signed, 

A Proud NekaBoobie( her term for her Fave Aunt) 

The Love of a Sister...

The Love of a Sister is something Amazing. Today, I witnessed unconditional sisterly love at its best. 

During my great Uncle's Celebration of Life, my older cousin Angie( the baby girl of the crew) was asked to sing one of her father's favorite songs. I'm sure it was a hard task, one I pray I never have to face. As she tried to collect her thoughts and sing, she just couldn't get it together. I'm sure it was hard and the fact that she stood up there took a lot of courage. Rather than her giving up, her older sister LaKaye came and joined her and sang the song with her. 

" the sky shall unfold,

Preparing his entrance,

The clouds shall applaud him with thunderous praise....... We shall behold him, in face to face"... Vicki Winans

I thought of my sisters and my Sistergirls. They each hold a special place in my heart. When they are in need, it's my pleasure to support them. Although I have biological sisters, we did not live together all of my life. As I grew older,I was extremely blessed to be loved on and excepted by so many sisters. For once it felt good to be a " baby sister". 

As the day comes to an end, my heart is full.. I leave each of you with the words of Whitney Houston and CeCe Winans," Count on me through thick and thin a friendship that will never end. When you are weak I will be strong, helping U to carry on. Count on me I will be there, don't be afraid. Please believe me when I say, Count on Me"...

Signed, 

Loving my Sisters, All of you 

Broken But it still Works...

Gosh I Love my children. When you become a parent, you learn early on that their needs are important and must be met. However, balance becomes key in maintaining a level of sanity for yourself. 

I remember like yesterday when I began contemplating relocating. My daughter's father and I were beyond broken. Restraining orders, police calls, neighbors becoming involved, guns drawn: this environment was no longer safe to raise a little girl. And while I so deeply wanted to wallow in my feelings, I had to do what was right for her. 

While it may have seemed selfish to up and move over 1100 miles away, the whole time her safety was MY main concern. As I look back, I had become so stuck in my daily routines that I lost myself. I was so lost that I didn't know I was lost. I had gained so much weight and I carried a fake smile although I was so hurt on the inside. 

I was good at it too. Until one day, I finally broke. This was not what my life had become. I needed to find Me...Again

Slowly but surely I did. I left what was comfortable and familar to embark on My Journey, with Chelia as my main focus. 

When I learned the importance of my strength and tapped into it, I found all the courage I needed. I often wondered( and still do) was my decision to leave the right thing? 

I see the growth in both of my children( I now have a 3 year old from another failed relationship) and I know it was. 

Yes, they miss their fathers but in order for me to be sane and give them the lives they both need, I have to take care of me too. 

Today, my heart is with all of the dads, moms, daughters and sons who feel broken. When phone calls are not enough and the tears seem to flow, find the courage and strength to know that you're still loved and appreciated.

Visits become your only sense of connection and boy can that hurt. Wouldn't it be so easy for all the broken families to live in the same state and be one big ole happy extended family? Yea, NO. Lol

I have so many friends who have dealt with divorce and the common denominator is, the safety of the children and their sanity. 

Just because one person ( or 2 in my case) broke you, leave room for love to find you again. Will it take a while? Yes it will. Will you want to give up? Yes. But when you least expect it, love will find its way in and it'll be perfect. Not just for you but the children too. 

Broken still works and as long as it works that's the proof that the hurt didn't kill you. 

Signed, 

My Heart guides Me 

Simply Stated...

I haven't blogged in what seems forever. I thought with it being Summer Break, I'd have more time because I'm not being pulled every which way.... So much for thinking. My daughter left to go visit her father in Boston for a few weeks. I can't even began to tell you how hard that was. This is the 1st time in 9years, that she has been away from me for such a long period of time. My Mooda Pie is my little BFF, my partner, my fashion consult and more often than not, she's my photographer( I take lots of pictures on Sundays because that's the one day of the week I get to look super extra cute)... I MISS her so. She has texted me and called but its not the same as seeing her big beautiful eyes, her smile and those dimples!!! I miss her dancing off beat and her creativeness. My mind tells me, " Go get her early" but in actuality I know she deserves to spend time with her father and his family. I hate feeling like I have to share her but this is definitely what it has boiled down too. Sharing my Mooda Pie...

Up next, my Son!!! This little dude has surely stepped up his game in the drive mommy crazy arena. He's 2, I get it BUT boy oh boy was I NOT prepared for a son. My mother constantly tells me, "he's a boy, that's what boys do"... If I could say it with no feelings of remorse, I'd yell "SHUT UP NETTA". lol But I'm not that crazy to disrespect my Mom( although thinking it is the equivalent to saying it)..  How ironic, just as I'm writing about her, she calls. I love that woman. She's said to me more times than once," if you feel like we need to ride and get Li just let me know". My Netta girl, my other ride or die partner.

Let's see, Oh yeah I got braids!!!! Me with my big ole water apple head like Gina from Martin, got braids. I must admit they are cute though and I'm all for the cuteness. Lol

Weigh loss!!!!! Whoever knew it was such a challenge. But I'm motivated to keep going. I love the feeling I get when I complete my 2/3 miles. When I push myself to finish in lesser time than my last walk/run! There's a feeling that comes along with accomplishment and I'm riding the waves baby!!!!!

I'm trying to avoid rambling so I'll end it now..... But Simply Stated, life is good. I have a few days that are bad, more that are good, serve a God who Loves me despite of my mishaps and a family that loves each other more than a little bit. I have sister friends who have had my back, who listen and are not judgmental and that makes it all worth the while....

So here you go Nek. You blogged!!!! Yes I did and it feels Great!!

Tata Lovies

Heather my New mommy friend...: A Survivor...

 When I typically hear the word Cancer, I think of Lung Cancer, Breast Cancer, Throat Cancer, Remission, Pink Ribbons, Chemotherapy, losing hair, losing weight and the ultimate.. DEATH.

 I've seen the St. Jude commercials for young children who are fighting to live, I've supported The Susan G. Komen efforts, my Aunts have fought breast cancer and Won, my daughter's bus driver has started treatment and even I have fought thru what my Doctor, thought was the onset of it developing in my hand. But
never have I had the opportunity to actual read and listen to someone's story until my blog opened up communication between Heather Von St. James and I. After the initial email between Heather and I, I began to read her blog and find out about more about her.
 She's wife to Cameron and Mommy to Lily Rose her only child). Lily Rose is a quirky little girl and she's EVERYTHING to Heather.

She grew up in South Dakota and was a daddy's girl. Her father was a construction worker and when he came home with the white powdery substances on his boots/clothes nobody ever thought anything about it. In 2005, shortly after giving birth to Lily, she began to experience problems with breathing and carried an alarmingly high fever. Later, test showed she had a serious form of Mesothelioma, Asbestos Cancer which was rarely seen in someone her age.

As she and I communicated, she said her biggest worry and concern was, who would care for Lily if she were not there? After talking to some of the best Dr's in the world at Brigham and Women's Hospital, she and her husband traveled to Boston( My hometown) to began the process to remove the bad lung.

I wasn't sure what Heather really wanted from me upon our first initial encounter but as I read more it became clear.. Share with my audience.

I always say, my writing is therapeutic but in this case, I was a vessel used to share awareness. Please click on the link to read more about Heather and find out ways you too can support her and her cause.

http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/heather/

Heather, Thank YOU for reaching out to me. After reading your story, I'm a bit more familiar with this form of cancer as well. Being a voice and supporting others is part of our life's mission. I'm glad I was able to do my part on today~~

You can follow Heather on twitter @heathervsj

Just Can't Win them ALL....

 It seems, the more people we try to please the more people who become offended. I would love to just one day wake up and not have to hear and nagging. But, that's asking to much I suppose!

 In a perfect world( cricketts..........) people would understand the importance of living a life they are proud of. At the young age of 33, I'm learning I have 2 people that mean more to me than anyone ELSE in the world. They are Chelia Ne'Dawn and Matthew Ashton. The way they view me as 1st, their MOM and 2nd, as a Woman carries more weight than what anyone else says or thinks( I do have 5 people that mean just as much but they already know they matter) of me. We just cannot please everyone.  My goal is to make my CHILDREN happy, to make my CHILDREN smile, to go above and beyond for them. The heck with adults. I mean, after a certain age shouldn't we ALL be responsible for our own happiness and care less about what and how the next person is living and maintaining?

 We tend to put to much concern in the next person's life. So what if they don't agree with you, so what if they don't talk to you. It doesn't mean they don't like you( a lesson that should've been learned in grammar school, some failed the course miserably) it just means they are their own person with their own way of thinking and operating. If we all walked around and spoke the same, thought the same and lived the same, it would be a boring world with no originality.

I have 6 siblings. I grew up in the same house with 3 of the 6. I can honestly attest that although they are boys, we all are totally different. Which at times baffled me because we were in the same house with the same mother dealing with the same issues. However, we viewed them differently and had our OWN individual take on life itself.


Trust me, there will be days where no matter how much you talk, show forth with your actions and be helpful, someone will not like it and to some it just won't be enough. I say, throw in the flag on that situation and take the high road and walk away.... It doesn't mean you're giving up. It just means you LOVE yourself alot more than to keep going through the same drama just on a different day.

I'm not living my life as a race. I'm enjoying each day I'm allowed( Thank You JESUS) to wake up and breathe. I'm enjoying each day I'm allowed to be with or speak to family and friends. I'm enjoying laughing, running, smiling, shopping, living and above all making a difference. So, just in case you missed the memo, I'm NOT living a life to please everyone. As long as my GOD and children are pleased I've completed the task set before me...

 ~Just Can't Win them ALL but for the ones I can, Thank U for being you and allowing me to be ME~

Blended? Riiiight

I'm a step-child. Both of my parents are married to someone else. Do I like my step-parents? I do, but was it always easy? NO
I have sisters and brothers. According to the world's standards, they are 1/2 brothers and sisters when you only share the mother and full brothers and sisters when you share the same father. I beg to differ. I LOVE each of my siblings equally. We're definitely all different but as their oldest sister, I feel its my job to love and protect all of them. I remember a few times taking a licking on their behalf( a swift punch to the face defending my sister once and a couple of knockdown drags out defending 3 of my 4 brothers).. To me, definitely worth it.
I still haven't figured out what makes blended families work so well. Is it all the parties involved being on the same page? Is it reassuring the kids that I'm not replacing your other parent, I'm here to provide extra LOVE & SUPPORT? We each posses different beliefs and characteristics.
I know for myself, I LOVE kids without a shadow of doubt. People laugh at me from time to time because one of my fave lines is, "It's for the kids". But, if you know me and know me WELL, you will know this is TRUE( that's a funny sentence huh?)
I believe, we should not transfer our beliefs, misunderstandings, failures and shotcomings onto kids. It's hard enough for them to find their voices and learn to express themselves. But, its even harder when we transfer what we feel onto them, therefore confusing them MORE.
Nothing in life is easy. We will encounter more no's than yes', more stumbling blocks than a few. but, the courage and strength lies within us to come out on TOP.
The cycle of being blended has now surfaced in my life. My daughter has a bother on her dad's side and I have a son as well. My son is shared with three sisters( 2 from his dad).
This journey has been hard. Are we all adjusting? No! Too many people are involved and are NOT respecting the position of the PARENTS. When to many people are adding their ingredients, the SOUP taste horrible.
When we become adults, we take on the responsibility of our own actions. I know if my parents could change some of my decisions, they would because I surely would. But this is my cup, I poured it so let me sip it. We have to be strong and confident enough to know that we're doing the best we can. And when we receive to much negative feed back, it hinders the process of going forward.
Can tomorrow be better than today? It's possible if we just take the time to pray. And, not only pray when it seems bad, but pray when its good so that God will see our grateful"ness" and keep paving the road for an easy journey.
Ultimately, do I think blended families are bad? NO, I do not. I'm the product of one and now my children are too. Am I trying to make it work? I'm trying my hardest, so please don't HINDER my process.
I'm not asking for anyone's help because I've learned enough on my own being the product of blended. for it has it's good days and bad, smiles and frowns. BUT, I'm happy and the experience has made me stronger.
Blended?? Yes, blended..
Is it right? Who are we to say YES or No?
Riiiiigggght....