Reflections...

New Color Alert!! Short & Sassy

Happy New Year Gals and Guys,


I hope your 2018 has started off on a good foot. Do not lose your momentum, keep going. The prize awaits and you cannot get it by becoming discouraged..


It's been a while since I've shared some of my inner most thoughts. I figured, why not today? The truth is, life is hard. And if you don't pay attention, it happens extremely fast. You'll look up and find that you've wasted so much time and have nothing to show for it( personally or spiritually). You're judgement will become frazzled and you'll start questioning yourself and decisions you've made.

I promised myself for 2018, to be absolutely honest with myself, about my truths and walk with God. 

For starters, the last quarter of 2017 was the worst. My grandfather died, I relocated and cancer took the life of a very special little girl that I cared for. Not to mention all of the other "STUFF"  associated with living. My eyes were opened to people but they TRULY opened when it came to examining myself.. I was living but I wasn't living. I was consumed with being a good mother, keeping bills paid and ignoring who I KNOW I was called and destined to be. You ever have that feeling like, " There has to be more" and while feeling there's more, you're smiling and celebrating others walking into their more and then there's you? No, seriously...

The decision to leave Georgia was somewhat bittersweet. I didn't see it in the midst of packing and crying because I was still trying to compromise. If I do this, I can then do this and this will happen. But it was bigger than me compromising. It was bigger than being angry at the situation. It was the turning point of a new level of learning and grace that I needed to experience.

The death of my grandfather still truly hasn't hit me and I honestly don't think it ever will. My grandfather was an amazing man. And although he was my grandfather, it wasn't until the last year or 2  of his life, that we began to talk more. Now don't get me wrong, Spiritually he was absolutely the best but personally we lacked in the bonding area. In March of 2017, I went back home for business purposes. I had made arrangements to stay at a hotel but something inside of me screamed, " Cheneka stay with your grandparents".. I'm glad I listened to that voice. A few short months later my grandfather transitioned. I knew in March, he wouldn't be around much longer and I'm forever grateful for those 2 days I spent with him and my grandmother. We ate the best Chinese food and every night while there he and I talked. The 1st night we talked until we both became tired. He said, " Are you sleepy", I responded "YES". He said I was waiting for you to get tired so we both could go to sleep. We laughed, I kissed him and walked into my bedroom. The next night we talked about life, my dreams, my kids and plans for the future. As I type now, tears are falling. Not because I'm sad but because I made a decision that allows me to sleep peacefully at night. Had I not stayed there, I'd be an absolute mess.  

Death is the reminder that all things do not last forever. However, memories do.  I'll forever, hold my grandfather close. 

The more we live, we learn. The more we learn, we're better equipped to make sound decisions. Life will have you feeling like you've failed. It'll even make you question decisions you make. Trust me, always be honest with yourself about everything. You know your truth and you need to live it and walk in it daily. 

The 1st few weeks in Alabama were a complete drag. I was busy working and volunteering and as much as I hated it, my soul needed it. The thing about being a Single Mom, Alpha Woman; to some degree you have to always be in control and know what's going to happen next. My first few weeks, I had no idea of what would happen next. I ws just living. Truth is, I wasn'y just living. I was resting. Not in bed, eyes closed resting. I was emotionally, spiritually and financially resting.  Few people truly understand the weight mothers carry when you're single. It's not always easy. Ive said it before, there's nothing like a mother's love. And even at the age of 38( 39 in a few weeks) being here with my Mother has been nothing but absolutely love. Yes, she cooks alot of red meat( which we do not eat.. Smile Mom) but just being under the same roof with her has been what I've needed. I'm thankful.

Decemeber, was another blow. Most of you may or may not know, I ran a very successful Nanny/Sitter Service in Atlanta ( KISS, Kid Inspired Sitter Services, thinking about launching an Alabama KISS, stay tuned). I was afforded the opportunity to care for the Kwon twin girls, Sareon and Diem. Sareon and Diem were diagnosed with Autism a year into recieving KISS services. Mom and Dad always kept me in the loop and we were always coming up with plans on how to help the girls. I'll forever be grateful that they trusted me enough to care for them. June 2017, Diem was diagnosed with childhood cancer. I visited her shortly after he 1st surgery. My heart ached. That was my baby too, laying in the bed at Atlanta Children's hospital. We continued to check in with updates. I'll forever, respect their mom Aloni to the highest regard because she always kept me informed. The night before Diem took her last breath, I was able to talk with them and see that pretty face. I'll never erase from my memory her mom saying, "Our baby is dying"... Diem died, Christmas Eve morning, 8:45 am. Rest peaceful Diem Monroe Kwon, age 5. 

Motherhood, not the easiet task but someone has to do it...

As January comes to an end and February awaits, next month I will turn 39!! Where is time going? I remember turning 18, 21 ( losing my 1st child), 25 (awaiting the birth of Chelia the following month), 30 and celebrating with  the guy I loved and wanted to marry.. Milestone ages and memories. What will 39 bring?

As I reflect, I also I look forward to the future with anticipation and readiness. I'm ready for all the good that will come my way. On December 31st, i put into the atmosphere marriage.. I've been single for over 4 years. Come on Jesus and do it for the kid( if it's your will).. and if not, I'll keep on living,  striving and becoming.. 

The Saga continues..

Signed,
Simply Cheneka

☔️☔️ Prince....

I've always known who Prince was. I listened to his music, always loved his hair, followed the story when he became the symbol. I even remember when he performed on GMA and they introduced him as the artist formerly known as Prince. I thought to myself, what ever! He's still the same ole Prince. 

I remember being at Essence Festival two years ago and how the Mercedez Dome was purple the entire weekend. He gave an amazing show. I won't say I was a super fan but I enjoyed his music. His talent was amazing.. 

As music lovers are still trying to cope with his death; after viewing Purple Rain LASTNIGHT, I have a renewed appreciation for who he is as the Artist and as a person. 

 

I believe I'm a people person. I like to read them and understand. I believe part of my calling in this life is to help others and to just be loving and understanding. 

As I watched the movie LASTNIGHT, it was in those moments I understood why people spoke so highly of him. Although I'm not 100% sure if it were a true story or not, certain scenes I felt were parts of his life. 

A person can't fully understand someone or something until they've lived and spent the night. Although his character witnessed and lived thru a lot of abuse, it shaped who he was. Many times we live inside shells because we've been hurt, neglected and taken advantage of. 

When we live in abuse, we become a reflection of abuse( to a certain degree). Although I was not to fond of the abuse, I understood it. He mirrored what he saw in his home. His music spoke of his pain and I'm sure it became an outlet

 for him. 

It's ashamed that when we transition from this life, people began to share their innermost remories of us.. I don't have as much as some but watching the movie I felt a closeness to Prince. I understood him. I sang along, Tapped my foot and felt like I was reliving the 80s. .. After listening to Purple Rain LASTNIGHT and truly understanding the words, that's my fave.. Lol 

" I never wanted to be your weekend lover

I only wanted to be some kind of friend
Baby, I could never steal you from another
It's such a shame our friendship had to end"

My Lovies, allow your memories of Prince to forever live. Not just him but anyone you've lost along the way. Memories will forever keep us close to our loved ones. Let's not allow for their death to be the reason we miss them. If they are alive call them, go see them. Let them know you're thinking of them and you love them.. And you might even say, " I would die for YOU"... 

Rest well Prince. Your style, presence and voice was definitely one of a kind.. 

Signed, 

Simply Cheneka ~~~~ 

How could you just leave me standing?
Alone in a world that's so cold? 

Maybe I'm just too demanding

Maybe I'm just like my father too bold

Maybe you're just like my mother
She's never satisfied 
Why do we scream at each other
This is what it sounds like
When doves cry 💜

15 years later....

Normally, I get thru it. My day is filled with being a mommy, KISS and countless other little people, that I'm not effected anymore. But for some reason, yesterday was extremely hard. On this day( 8/25/2000), I along with then boyfriend Raemone( yup, Chelia's twin) made a decision that forever bonded/ changed us. I was pregnant, with my 1st child Davhon Raemone. I remember everyday leading up to 8/25 so vividly. I had the most awesomEST midwife in the world Catherine Walker. Gosh she was amazing( to this day I still send her cards because she later became my friend and she helped me to deliver Chelia). I had gone in for a routine appointment. But something wasn't right. We were looking at the ultrasound and she called in a doctor. The words that flowed from her mouth I don't remember, I do remember, " Cheneka your baby is very, very sick". He was diagnosed with Congenital Heart disease failure. One of his arteries did not properly form. I remember Catherine saying, " on a scale of 1 to 10, his survival rate is extremely low. He will have immediate surgery upon delivery".. All I could say was, "What do you mean sick"? I let out a scream that felt like my whole world was going to end. Because it was such a routine appointment, I had gone alone. All I remember was going into this big conference room, calling my aunt and his father. I don't remember how I got home or anything after that. 

Completely numb...

That was a Tuesday. That Thursday night I went to church for prayer and to hear from God. My heart and mind were at Peace. But it hurt so bad. At that time, we felt that was the BEST decision for our child.  That Friday, I was admitted into the hospital to deliver my son, Davhon Raemone Hobbs-Johnson. We were surrounded with lots of Love on that day. His father did not leave my side( even on yesterday, though we're miles apart we checked in on each other), while I was in labor. 

The day progressed and it was soon night. I had this very uncomfortable feeling and the urge to pee. With assistance, I gathered myself and went to the bathroom. Who knew I was actually about to push my baby boy out. My midwife and doctors on call ran into the room. From what I was told and from the pictures I have, he was my complexion and looked a lot like me. He was weighed a little over a pound and a 1/2. 

I've learned to cope with this day and the tears that fall. My only regret was that I did not hold him. My mindset at that time was, " how can I hold him if I could not bring him home with me". Our families held him and kissed him and his dad walked him down to the mortuary. 

We later had him cremated and my midwife delivered the pictures, the measuring tape used to measure him and his footprints. 

I had started a journal to write to him and up until the 20th of August, I wrote daily. Yesterday I sat and read some of the old entries. I was never able to get to know him but the memories I have of carrying him will forever stay with me.. 

Today my lovies, never second guess yourself or the decisions you have to make as a parent. Some decisions will be easy peasy. Some will make us cry but at the end of the day You do what's right. 15 years later, the only thing I would do differently is hug him and say, "Mommy Loves You"... 

Signed, 

Always Your Momm

 

I'm fighting, Gotta get off Life Support...

I searched and searched and it's evident I did NOT own a hoodie. With what has been taking place lately, is it a good thing or bad thing? would I be an assumed target?

The message went out and my Pastor ( William Murphy,3rd) requested that the Partners of The dReam Center Atl stand in Solidarity, Support and Unity in memory of Trayvon Martin. For the ones of us who wore our hoodies, it was such a beautiful sight.

As Pastor bought forth God's word, " He's Still Making Away", It's evident that although "Minority" America has and will be forever attacked, there's still a glimmer of hope for us to eventually get off life support. What is life support? We're days away from the plug being pulled but as long as there is still breathe in our bodies, there's still room left to fight. God has not bought us out of slavery to return to slavery. We can no longer go down and be attacked. The world has the issue NOT US as the person.

What's embedded in us will always show itself forth, its just a matter of us taking/making a stand against what's wrong. How many times, have you looked at a person and assumed the worst? They don't look like me so something is obviously wrong. They talk funny, look even funnier and I swear the clothes they wear are the funniest.

It's very unfortunate that this young man, Trayvon Martin( 17 years old) was gunned down and killed and his "KNOWN" killer has yet to be arrested. In this day and age, when violence against black has somewhat become the norm, we do NOT have to take this laying down. If you have the energy, FIGHT.

Today's message "He's Still Making A Way", had two meanings for me.
1) Although I don't always see it, provisions are made on my behalf daily. I fail somedays, He's Still Making A Way
2) Although we're still struggling as a people "the Minorities" He's Still Making A Way

Instead of feeding off the negative that surrounds us daily, we must tap into our Spiritual being and understand that challenges come and go. They either make us or break us. There are stumps that just won't budge but right when we're at the end of our rope, there is a message just waiting to be revealed and made clear.

We have to sow into the ground/land in order to reap the benefits that have been set aside just for us. Because we are surrounded with violence we do not have to be the VIOLENCE. While some may view us as the problem, our individual PRESENCE is the CURE.

If 7 out of 10 people walk, speak and live in Peace;the other 3 will either see the good and soon live by those traits or disconnect themselves.

Fight to be the change, fight to be heard and understood. Our circumstances as a RACE does not determine our outcome as a Person. I will not allow my circumstances to kill me or run me away from what IS for me.

I choose to LIVE, I will not succumb to death. I'm on life support right now but it won't be for long. There is strength and Unity in numbers. If we began to portray ourselves in a positive light, eventually the dark cloud will soon break up and disperse.

My son, my nephews and cousins COULD be Trayvon Martin, BUT because of the seed I'm sowing into the ground, it's going to change the outcome of what could be DEATH. My determination is and WILL keep me on track. The world is expecting violence to attack this act but it won't. Together, we're standing unified and Solidified because enough is enough. W're taking back our lives and FIGHTING. There's a war going on and the ability to win starts with just one person.

It took the death of a young 17 year old boy to bring us back in alignment with God and the Fight. Today, I profess that We Are 1 and together the world will see us and Respect Us~~

Hoping your Sunday is gReat