Reflections...

New Color Alert!! Short & Sassy

Happy New Year Gals and Guys,


I hope your 2018 has started off on a good foot. Do not lose your momentum, keep going. The prize awaits and you cannot get it by becoming discouraged..


It's been a while since I've shared some of my inner most thoughts. I figured, why not today? The truth is, life is hard. And if you don't pay attention, it happens extremely fast. You'll look up and find that you've wasted so much time and have nothing to show for it( personally or spiritually). You're judgement will become frazzled and you'll start questioning yourself and decisions you've made.

I promised myself for 2018, to be absolutely honest with myself, about my truths and walk with God. 

For starters, the last quarter of 2017 was the worst. My grandfather died, I relocated and cancer took the life of a very special little girl that I cared for. Not to mention all of the other "STUFF"  associated with living. My eyes were opened to people but they TRULY opened when it came to examining myself.. I was living but I wasn't living. I was consumed with being a good mother, keeping bills paid and ignoring who I KNOW I was called and destined to be. You ever have that feeling like, " There has to be more" and while feeling there's more, you're smiling and celebrating others walking into their more and then there's you? No, seriously...

The decision to leave Georgia was somewhat bittersweet. I didn't see it in the midst of packing and crying because I was still trying to compromise. If I do this, I can then do this and this will happen. But it was bigger than me compromising. It was bigger than being angry at the situation. It was the turning point of a new level of learning and grace that I needed to experience.

The death of my grandfather still truly hasn't hit me and I honestly don't think it ever will. My grandfather was an amazing man. And although he was my grandfather, it wasn't until the last year or 2  of his life, that we began to talk more. Now don't get me wrong, Spiritually he was absolutely the best but personally we lacked in the bonding area. In March of 2017, I went back home for business purposes. I had made arrangements to stay at a hotel but something inside of me screamed, " Cheneka stay with your grandparents".. I'm glad I listened to that voice. A few short months later my grandfather transitioned. I knew in March, he wouldn't be around much longer and I'm forever grateful for those 2 days I spent with him and my grandmother. We ate the best Chinese food and every night while there he and I talked. The 1st night we talked until we both became tired. He said, " Are you sleepy", I responded "YES". He said I was waiting for you to get tired so we both could go to sleep. We laughed, I kissed him and walked into my bedroom. The next night we talked about life, my dreams, my kids and plans for the future. As I type now, tears are falling. Not because I'm sad but because I made a decision that allows me to sleep peacefully at night. Had I not stayed there, I'd be an absolute mess.  

Death is the reminder that all things do not last forever. However, memories do.  I'll forever, hold my grandfather close. 

The more we live, we learn. The more we learn, we're better equipped to make sound decisions. Life will have you feeling like you've failed. It'll even make you question decisions you make. Trust me, always be honest with yourself about everything. You know your truth and you need to live it and walk in it daily. 

The 1st few weeks in Alabama were a complete drag. I was busy working and volunteering and as much as I hated it, my soul needed it. The thing about being a Single Mom, Alpha Woman; to some degree you have to always be in control and know what's going to happen next. My first few weeks, I had no idea of what would happen next. I ws just living. Truth is, I wasn'y just living. I was resting. Not in bed, eyes closed resting. I was emotionally, spiritually and financially resting.  Few people truly understand the weight mothers carry when you're single. It's not always easy. Ive said it before, there's nothing like a mother's love. And even at the age of 38( 39 in a few weeks) being here with my Mother has been nothing but absolutely love. Yes, she cooks alot of red meat( which we do not eat.. Smile Mom) but just being under the same roof with her has been what I've needed. I'm thankful.

Decemeber, was another blow. Most of you may or may not know, I ran a very successful Nanny/Sitter Service in Atlanta ( KISS, Kid Inspired Sitter Services, thinking about launching an Alabama KISS, stay tuned). I was afforded the opportunity to care for the Kwon twin girls, Sareon and Diem. Sareon and Diem were diagnosed with Autism a year into recieving KISS services. Mom and Dad always kept me in the loop and we were always coming up with plans on how to help the girls. I'll forever be grateful that they trusted me enough to care for them. June 2017, Diem was diagnosed with childhood cancer. I visited her shortly after he 1st surgery. My heart ached. That was my baby too, laying in the bed at Atlanta Children's hospital. We continued to check in with updates. I'll forever, respect their mom Aloni to the highest regard because she always kept me informed. The night before Diem took her last breath, I was able to talk with them and see that pretty face. I'll never erase from my memory her mom saying, "Our baby is dying"... Diem died, Christmas Eve morning, 8:45 am. Rest peaceful Diem Monroe Kwon, age 5. 

Motherhood, not the easiet task but someone has to do it...

As January comes to an end and February awaits, next month I will turn 39!! Where is time going? I remember turning 18, 21 ( losing my 1st child), 25 (awaiting the birth of Chelia the following month), 30 and celebrating with  the guy I loved and wanted to marry.. Milestone ages and memories. What will 39 bring?

As I reflect, I also I look forward to the future with anticipation and readiness. I'm ready for all the good that will come my way. On December 31st, i put into the atmosphere marriage.. I've been single for over 4 years. Come on Jesus and do it for the kid( if it's your will).. and if not, I'll keep on living,  striving and becoming.. 

The Saga continues..

Signed,
Simply Cheneka

Lessons...

LESSONS.....

I've learned that many of life's lessons cannot be found in the classroom nor in texts books. Some of the most amazing lessons come in the form of living. Once you've mastered living for a living, nothing else will matter.

I consider myself to be a great writer and sometimes I use one word to describe what I'm going through/feeling. It's never a dig at anyone, it's actually me revealing my truths in the form of living through words. Although most of my day is spent helping others and being mom; my best lessons come in the way my children and others respond to me.

One of the most valuable, learn to appreciate yourself and the journey. We're all wired differently. Some of us WILL change the world, while others will help others to see the good in the world. The goal is to help someone else along the way. I used to think, what I shared didn't matter. I mean, I was never sharing in hopes of getting people to notice me. I share because I've learned alot during my 38( well really 28 years because the 1st 10 years I wasn't fully aware of who I was) years of life. Then one day it happened. Someone shared with me, they found strength and hope through my words. In MY words I thought?

Then a still voice said, "Why NOT your words"?? Whew, I then knew it was bigger than just sharing but it was imperative that I live what share.

Life has taught me, in all things remain truthful to yourself. I mean, God already knows so do your part by living a life that's always acceptable and pleasing. I'll admit I thought it was important to be a people pleaser. But oh when I realized what they thought or even think of me doesn't matter; the chains that held me were broken. At the end of the day, NO 1 truly has the power to judge. Yes, we live in an overly opinionated society but the truth is, your lessons and life will not mirror that of anyone else.

Your journey,

Your life,

Your lesson,

Your story.. PERIOD

I've been feeling the need to remind myself and others your best life is the gift of life itself. Live and learn

Learn and share

 Be okay with how some lessons turn out, you'll understand why the more you live.

Here's my last and final truth for the night... ( i think)...

I've been single for quite sometime now, ok a few years lol... Am I tired of the single life, hecks yeah BUT the lesson in this isn't for me but my daughter and son.

The lesson for My daughter: I can't allow her to see numerous men walking in and out of my life. I'm her teacher and what I live she will mirror. I'm living with her in mind all the time. No, I'm not teaching her that women do not need a husband, I'm teaching her to wait until HE seeks you.

The lesson for MY son: Women are priceless( he asked the meaning of priceless today ) and because they're valuable they are never to be mishandled. I cannot allow him to see me being mishandled as it'll give him the wrong idea. I'm teaching him, chose one and give her you're all.

Lessons.. Never stop living and you'll never stop learning.

Signed,

Cheneka the Teacher

My Pushers...

Anyone who truly knows me know that Chelia and Matthew mean the world to me. Parenthood has its ups and downs but for the most part each day I rise to the occasion. I question how my life has turned out at times but in the scheme of things, the 3 of us were destined to be a family( and I'm confident in knowing our little family will soon be complete). 

Some big things are about to take place in our lives. With the 1st being my return to school. As I rearranged my wall art tonight, I added pictures from our family photoshoot this summer. My children are my motivation to keep striving for excellence. I have to set the standard for each of them to model. Each morning I wake( after I pray) I will look at their faces. At night while I study and prepare for the next phase of lives I will look at them. 

For my daughter: We may fall babygirl but we get back up. We never ever quit. Sometimes, we have to travel alone and that's ok. The goal is to work hard at everything you set your mind to accomplish. Sometimes you have to stop talking about it and be about it. Work hard, play later. 

For my son: Always strive for greatness. Defeat is not apart of our vocabulary. We will always keep trying until we succeed. Just because life throws a few curve balls our way, we will still proceed with the plan. Always strive for excellence. Work hard, play later. 

My Lovies, 2016 will only be as great as we make it. Set goals and keep them. Make sacrifices, make changes, become better, do better, be honest, be kind, be loving, be In Love, be smarter than your dumbest choice.... Challenge yourself to complete everything you've set out to do.  I'm nervous but for once I'm confident. Confident in myself and where I am right now. I'm ready to soar.. And as long as my little people and a few very special people are in my corner; I got this.. 

Signed, 

Neka T. Speaks 

Lessons in Honesty...

Vacation is FINALLY coming to an end!! Bless God who sits high!! I must admit, this one on one time I've had with my son has been quite entertaining. He's an inquisitive old soul in a young body and he's a lot like me, with paying attention to people's words. 

My children and I are very close and I talk to them with complete honesty. I want them to always trust me and know I have their best interest at heart. My daughter has shared with me on numerous occasions that she wants to see me happily married. We indulge the conversation and we move on. Who knew all along that little Matthew Ashton IS attentively listening.. 

New Year's Eve, we were in 1 of our favorite stores Old Navy. As we stood in line, Matthew was holding this really cute bracelet. He kept saying, " Mommy this is  your wedding gift". I responded with, "Awe, thank you son" and continued to move along in line. The gentleman in front of us turned around and congratulated me and I said, "if I knew who my fiancé was I'd tell him you congratulated us". We both laughed. The line was a bit longer than usual so I gave son my phone to watch videos. 

We finally made it to the register, I paid and we left. As we drove home, my son says, "Look mommy here's your wedding gifts". I turned back to look and not only did he have the bracelet but he proceeded to pull earrings and a ring out of his jacket pocket. I was absolutely shocked. I mean, I know the woman wears something borrowed for the wedding but never anything stolen. I immediately took the items from him

And told him that stealing is never ever ok. His facial went from happy to sad and confused. A moment that was intended to be sweet in his mind turned into a life lesson. We. Do. Not. Steal. Ever. Period. 

I explained to him that when its time for mommy to get married that he along with his sister and my future husband can go into the store and purchase mommy a gift together but we're never to steal anything. When we steal it makes mommy sad and police become involved. 

I assured him that he's still my favorite little guy and we prepared ourselves for NYE church service. 

After we finished errands today, I told him, "Son were going into old navy and you're going to return these items. He said, "Mommy that will mean they know I stole them", true enough but we're honest people and we do not steal I reminded him. 

We walked into Old Navy hand in hand and I asked for the manager. I was directed to her location and I explained that we were here to return items that my son stole. She was shocked and almost in tears as Matthew handed her the items and apologized. She looked at me and said you're an Awesome Momm and God Bless You. We quietly left the store but I could hear her telling the people in the store and a few said wow, that was noble. 

My Lovies, let this year be the year where were held accountable for ALL

Of our actions. Let's be people of intergrity and honesty at all cost. 

Today's lesson in honesty will serve as a life lesson for my son! 

Signed, 

Neka T. Speaks 

Wine & Water...

When I tell you I could not wait for today to be over.. Whew, it was definitely one for the books. 

My truck went in for maintenance. The original diagnosis wasn't the issue. So, close to $400 later, I still need MORE work done. #sip1

Work was beyond tiring. I Love being a BOSS but sometimes the weight is extremely heavy. #Sip2 But when you're acknowledged and a referral is sent your way, it's a vivid reminder of why I do what I do.. #FamilyService

The hardest part of being a single Momm is not receiving the support you need. It's hard to chop it up sometimes. I just smile, find the strength and keep it moving. #Sip3,4,5 lol

And just when I'm ready to cry and get in my feelings, my little people are right on time. My son shared me with his cookie and my daughter took the initative and cleaned her room( I'm STILL smarter than her tho, she's trying to butter me up tolet her attend the Valentine's Day dance). 

As I take the last #sip of my 2nd glass of wine, I know tomorrow will be better and if not water and wine will get me thru.. 

Signed, 

Just 1 of those Days 

Light it Up.... Blue of course!

"Nek, when you first meet them they might cry, your face is new and you're not part of our regular routine". That's what my cousin told me the 1st time I met her twin boys. I didn't get it. I've worked with children all of my life, it's expected. You know " Stranger Danger". But apparently, it was deeper than that. Her husband later explained they suffer from Autism. As I began to spend more time with them, became apart of their routine, they began to enjoy my face and hug on me! That made my heart smile.

I have a few Awesome Sister girls whose sons also suffer from autism. I watch them and marvel at their strength and preserverance. We are quick to say what we can, won't and can't do until we are placed in a situation where there is no room for can't and won't. 

Today, I just wanted to take a few moments and salute my amazing cousin and my Sistergirls. When I think of each of you, I think of your strength. You make the world a better place because of your patience. I'm sure it's hard and overwhelming some days but you do it. Through tears, hurt, blame: you put on your wonderwoman capes and you fly. 

I stand with you in this day and I too will light it up blue. I'm not a nail polish lover but Blue is my absolute favorite color.. So my nails are painted and today we light it up together!!

Signed,

It's a Happy Blue kind of Day

A Mother's LOVE....

" I miss and love you so much, I miss the family and I want to come home, I'm having fun but I will stay"... When a mother hears or sees these words via text or a phone call, your first instinct ( well mine) is to make your child feel better.

My daughter is visiting with her Dad in Boston( our home town). He and I have slowly developed better co-parenting skills although we are two in different states. When he initially called and told me he wanted her to visit, I was okay. However, when he called back and told me he purchased her ticket and then told me the dates my heart sank. 5 whole weeks I thought? Well damn!!! That's the entire summer. I instantly wanted to find ways to change the dates but after I thought about it, I have her all year round and its only right to let him have his time as well. As the month of June approached, I began to feel sad. My daughter is my little BFF. We share laughs, she helps me to pick out my clothes, she's my Sunday photographer,she motivates me on my journey to be fit& healthy, she walks with me, she helps me to cook, she helps with her little brother and she gives really great hugs... How was I going to live without her for 5 whole weeks? Then reality slapped me, I have her throughout the entire year. And although I share each activity, experience, accomplishment and event with her father via text, phone call and pictures it's not the same. He too deserves to have memories with her and time to bond with her just as I do..

She has now been gone a little over 2 weeks. I'm okay with it but the void is there. I miss my baby's voice, I miss seeing her get dressed( for those who know Li, this is always a challenge. she has her own sense of style and sometimes its a bit out there.. lol) I miss her telling her brother to stop... okay I'm rambling!!!


This morning, her step mother sent me the cutest pictures( the collage you see above). Her step mother has a teenage daughter. When she could be out doing the things a teenager love, she took the time to take out Li's braids and wash it so her father wouldn't have too( Thanks Chey, you ROCK for that move)!! and Li even allowed her to style it and give her ponytails..... WAIT, HOLD UP... She would never allow me to give her ponytails. The love she has for her older sister is amazing. I was reassured that they both love each other equally.

While I will always be her Mother, it's okay for her to be loved by others. She has a Father who loves her just as much as I do and other family members too. This sharing my babygirl will definitely have to grow on me but as she spends more time away from me, it will help both of us grow BUT it will never change how much I LOVE HER.... A Mother's LOVE...... Now hurry up already and come on Li... No,, seriously I MISS You!!

Love always,
Mommy

I PUSH a little Harder...

Since becoming a small Business Owner, I'm learning that in order to be successful, it takes having people who think like you on your team. My 1st year has taught me lessons in finance, determination, commitment, responsibility and friendship. At the end of the day, if you're not strong enough one of them will kill you.

I have developed a greater sense of my self worth and my strengths. Some days I have it all together and some days it's easy to feel that I want to give up.  But I go forth. I'm not working just to establish my name but to establish good work ethics so my children will have something to aspire too.

KISS, was and has operated in my home. It was just a small idea( that I had in my head) that has now grown into over 20+ families being served. I never thought in my wildest dreams I would take something I'm truly passionate about( helping women and caring for kids) and make it into a reality.

What has been the hardest one might ask? I'm learning to separate friendship from business. This has been a lesson that only JESUS himself could help me understand. I'm glad that some strong women have crossed my path along the way and they are helping me to toughen up and realize that, just because we have difference in opinions where services are concerned; after we hash it out we carry on as grown women who are friends.

Today, I'm saluting LIFE... Oh it gets hard. Some days are full of tears, some days are trying and some days there are more successes than failures! YES you WIN some and during that 1st year you LOSE some too. Never under estimate who you are and what you provide. To one person, my services are just plain ole baby sitting( which is it) however, to the next person I'm providing a safe haven, where she's extremely comfortable leaving her son. For every upset, there's a comment like this that makes me Push a little harder...

I didn't know how strong I was until I decided to pay me what I'm worth.. I didn't fully understand my business' value until I had to start looking for a permanent location. You feel your job isn't paying you what you're worth? Make YOUR own position and pay yourself. Become your OWN cheerleader, I did and each day I Push a little harder!!!

9 Months....

 The 9 months it took to "bake" my babies in the oven, does not compare to the LOVE I have for each of them.

 My daughter, Chelia AKA Mooda Pie is my sweetie pie. In her 8 short years, she's lived in 3 states, attended 3 schools and is very vocal about her likes and dislikes. Yeah, if you're EVER going to buy her any jeans they need to be SKINNY, a lesson I (re)learn every school year. Thank God for uniforms.

My labor with her was 17.5 hours, natural NO meds just ice. Those 9months( almost 10 because she was a little over a week), where breakfast consisted of cheeseburgers from Burger King with extra pickles and mustard,  did not compare to the LOVE I immediately felt upon pushing out an 8lbs 11 oz perfect little girl.

My son, Matthew Ashton is my All-star little boy FOR REAL... Son, as I affectionately call him is already a character of his own. At the tender age of 1, I already can tell he's going to be a rough lil thing and very outgoing. He's super active and he already tests his ability to get over on me. And, yeah I fail tremendously. He has mastered giving me wet juicy kisses and he feels that a kiss will right everything his little 1 year old inquisitive mind get into.

My labor with him was all of 3.5 hours. Again, natural just this time No ice. He arrived to quick!! LOL

None the less, I LOVE them. It took nine months to grow them inside of me. Feet swelling, body looking fluffy and swollen, hungry all the time but nothing ever hit the spot, some days scared some days excited, even spent some time questioning my decisions to have them at such an older age( being that most of my girlfriends had their daughters while we were still in HS, don't think Netta Girl"MOM" would've gone for that) 25 with Moo and 33 with Ash.

However I attempt to rationalize 9 months, it doesn't compare to the lifetime of memories I'm now making with each of them.

In my mind, for such a long time Mother's Day was a day to shower your Mother with gifts on top of gifts and an excellent dinner out somewhere. I've learned otherwise. Although I tend to splurge on my own Mom( for personal reasons), I'm learning to appreciate the little things and find joy in them. Yesterday, I spent it with my kids. We went to church( whew, took Son with me that was interesting he seemed to enjoy talking more while Pastor Dee preached), stopped at the grocery store and grabbed the last fixins needed for dinner, headed home, undressed right in the hallway, changed son into a tshirt and cooked dinner. Moo entertained me, herself and brother and we made the best of the day together!!! I changed more poopy diapers yesterday than I did the entire weekend and for some reason, I found myself watching Mommy Dearest, (ole crazy broad Joan Crawford..smh) by choice( well honestly was to lazy to retrieve the remote from behind the TV).

 Dinner consisted of fried chicken, field peas,black eyed pea mix with smoked turkey neck, perfectly cook white rice and corn bread. We washed it down with peach soda and for dessert, cherry pie, icecream and popsicles. I wanted to do more but the rain is NOT my friend when it touches my hair, you know natural hair will draw up pronto!! lol

9 months, has changed my life entirely. some days are good some days are bad. I do know for sure I won't trade them in for nothing in the world.

~A Happy mother's Day it was~

Mic Check, is this thing On~~~~

So, Friday my daughter came home super excited about their penguin egg project. Weekend homework consisted of decorating a box, bag etc, to house your egg for the entire week!! WHAT??!!

My daughter barely cleans her bedroom without her arms getting tired or her getting tired( where does that happen, its your mess you clean it). So, I watched her with anticipation prepare this egg living space. She was beyond excited. Took one of MY shoe boxes to give to an EGG??!! Really?! Bump..

I love seeing the excitement in my daughter's eyes. She's very determined and she's growing into her own. I'm learning that each child is different and they require to be treated as such. I'm also learning that,I have to watch what I do and say in her presence. Prime example, I have a BAD habit of hanging up when people put me on hold. I was talking to my mother on Saturday and she asked me to hold on. I didn't. My daughter says to me," grandma put u on hold huh"? I said yes why. Because you hung up. She then proceeded to say, so it's okay for you to hang up on them mommy but you want them to hold on for you? I just looked. Then she said, but if they hang up on you is that's okay because they are only doing what you do? I had to kinda try and laugh it off but she checked me and she was right. so, I called my mother back and apologized. This was NOT the fist time she observed something I did and later questioned me on it.

I'm working really hard at raising well rounded children. So if it means I have to continously CHECK myself so she won't have to question a not so positive adult like action then I will. If it means, checking my attitude, smiling more, saying NO more and being stern about it, then I will.

Now, back to this egg thing.... The eggs come home today and I will not be a GrandeggMommy.. This is a school project and will be treated as such. Hmmm, she think cleaning her room is enough, wait til I have her bring that egg in the bathroom with her because she need to keep it in HER eye sight!!!!! Hahahahahahahahahhaaaaaa