Hurt people MUST Heal....

My time in Huntsville has finally come to an end. It’s been filled with lots of lessons and above all Patience. I’ve wanted to jump the gun on many occasions and leave but a block was placed each time until NOW. I couldn’t appreciate the blocks when they were there but now..... Whew! I’m better because I had to pick them up and learn the lesson while removing the sting of being here.

This morning as I’ve read through 4 years worth of blogs, I can honestly say I had to come thru Huntsville. In my early 30’s, I dated someone from here. I even intended to move here at some point. Who knew life ( GOD) already knew I’d come thru this place and it would NOT be with Mr. September!

As I reflected on life and my growth, I’m thankful for each person I’ve encountered. I’m thankful for the relationships that have truly lasted a lifetime and I’m even thankful for the ones that have been brief, for there was a lesson more than anything else.

I must say, while in HSV I’ve encountered a lot of hurt and broken people. Just recently, I was told of a conversation that was had about me. I’m sure it was meant to break me but it truly made me laugh and work harder towards my exit plan.

I believe we have to hear things in order to process how people truly feel about us. I’ve been called many things but to hear “ you ain’t shyt” was low....Whew that’s an all time low. And while I could’ve chose to blog about many things, I just want to end the year on this note.

It’s okay to seek HELP! There are so many people who are walking around bleeding out on others because they haven’t found ways to stop their own bleeding. In turn, they lash out hurtful and insensitive words because that’s all they know. They respond with hurt because they’ve been hurt.
They’re negative and even a bit selfish... if nothing else, I’ve learned now more than ever; we cannot carry the hurt and baggage of others. And if we continue to stay in that type of environment we’ll conform.

I like a good Challenge. So my lovies here goes,
I challenge each of you finish 2019 with dropping baggage that isn’t yours. Drop words curses, remove friendships/ relationships that are toxic, leave dead end jobs that will not produce growth and LOVE YOURself like only you can.

Life happens extremely fast. Do not let another 10 years pass and you’re  still in the same cycle. BREAK it! Only you can change what you do not like and only you can decide when enough is enough!

If you don’t know, you now do!

ChenekaT the Blogger is back!

I’ve laid low for a while to rebuild, refocus, rest and renew. Sometimes we have to be strong enough to admit we need a little help but we also have to know when we’ve gotten all we can and it’s time to STAND again!

It’s Wednesday and guys we’ve made it. You’re better than anything that’s trying to hurt you and tear you down! Believe it!!!

Take time to heal... and in healing it doesn’t always mean making old relationships new again. To heal  means to pull off the band aids and let fresh air hit the wound. If we keep covering it up, we’re not breathing thru it. We’re not acknowledging it. We’re aware but we haven’t tackled it.

Fight thru for your happiness and work even harder to heal your hurt. You’re no good to anyone if you’re 1st no good to yourself!

Thanks everyone who has been on this 2 year journey with me while in HSV. It’s time for me to get back to living!!

Sincerely,
The Blogging Queen,
ChenekaT

Tunes to the Soul..

This past week has been filled with smiles and music.  MUSIC has reminded me, Life Is GOOD, everything isn't worth a fight,thought of, appreciated and above all the most beautiful girl in the world #Prince ( I'm sure you are too)..

When you least expect it, the right song will speak to you, make you cry, make you dance and invoke feelings that you forgot existed.

Sometimes, music will shed light on situations and help you look at it from a different perspective.

This week, music has allowed me to revisit friendships and give old things a new try. ~ Beyonce'
" Let's Start Over"..

Different genres of music speaks to the different parts of Cheneka.

Gospel, keeps me grounded in God.
CCM, helps me to worship God freely, unrestrained, on my terms
RB, speaks to the black girl who loves LOVE but HATE it at the same time
Old School ( New Edition, Bobby Brown etc...) speaks to the Northern girl in me..
Rap, speaks to the around the way girl I Am ( sometimes...) popping gum, sitting on the stoop, big hoop earrings at least 2 pair, Fendi carrying Cheneka.
Love Ballards, make me feel close to the one I Love& secretly crush on.

I LOVE MUSIC....

A while back, I was engaged in a conversation with my 13 year old daughter and 14 year old neice. They expressed that the music I like is old and their new age music is where it's at.. Gosh, only if they knew about Salt & Pepper, Karen White, Johnny Gill, The Boyz, Heavy D, Wu Tang Clan, Method Man, Lost Boyz, Heather Headley..just to name a few.

Yes, music change with the times but good classic music new ever goes away.

This weekend, turn on your favorite Pandora stations and mix it up. Feel the words, connect with the words, appreciate them and dance, sway or cry. Just promise to ~ Remember the Music " Empire"..

Signed,
Cheneka Sings

New Outlook

For the last 3 years like clockwork, I shut down my social media accounts at the beginning of the year and I focus and gain prespective. I'm not a facebooker but I love Instagram. I love checking out other people's pictures and I like looking for inspiration. BUT, I'll admit I started to  find myself comparing and wishing my life was like some of the people who posted happy faces daily.

Now, understand me well. I absolutely love my life. I love being Mommy, I LOVE writing and inspiring others. However, seeing people in these happy go lucky relationships was getting the best of me... Then it hit me. most of these people are in one sided relationships, hidden relationships and they lack the true essence of caring, love and appreciation.

As a single mother and woman, I made up in my mind to stay single until the right one comes along. Truth is, because I've been so guarded and always have my wall up, I haven't been the easiest person to approach. YES, I'm admiting it, I'm hard when it comes to love. I think I know so much and I'm so good but I'm not. In the back of my mind, I always hear, " You have a type Cheneka", " You just can't settle Cheneka"... Blah blaah blaaaaaaaaaah, conditioned thinking.

I never really thought about what would happen if I stepped out of that box and just started to live. Be open. Closed hands do not get fed and closed hearts never recieve the love they deserve. And let's not talk about the age thing( older men, younger men...blahhhhhhhh).

My last real relationship was close to 4 years ago. Don't get me wrong, I've entertained guy friends and a few I thought would lead to more but they didn't. I won't take the full blame for it not becoming more but I will say maybe I wasn't always easy or ready. Recently, one of my childhood/ teenage Best friends married the love of her life. He's an older guy and he treats her like the Queen she is. Their love excites me and gives me hope. And although she and I may not speak every single like we once did, I'm beyond happy for her and I wish them years of happiness and love.

But my question is.... Is it true? Are older men the way to go?
I've never really entertained the thought because I never wanted to feel like I'm looking for a daddy, someone to take care of me so to say. My therapist did say, alot of my trust issues stem from "Daddy Issues"... But, when the guys your age aren't acting right and they lie and are immature, the best thing to do is go OLDER, right??!!!

My  Atlanta Pastor ( LaBryant Friend) once said, " Sometimes your type is the reason you're by yourself".. I laughed when he said it but he was on the money with the statement. Now friends, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying we have to settle but sometimes we have to be willing to try something different. Step outside of the box and forget everything you've been conditioned to think and believe. Good men are everywhere, we just have to be willing to let them be the man..

PJ Morton sings it best in his song Fly Away~

"What would you say if I asked you to come with me, would you forget the details and all the  technicalities?
Cover your eyes take my hand and follow me, we could fly away..
Don't you worry about a thing, let your mind go free and forget everything. I'll be the wind under your wings... So we can fly away" La La La La.....

One of my last post of 2017, I spoke dating and marriage over my life. I'm not getting any younger but I do know I have love in my heart and I would love to share it with someone... I'm ready to fly away....

Be open this year in all things pertaining work, love and finances. It's time that we all live the lives we were destined for.

"Psalms 32:8, I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye"...


Signed,
Cheneka is Changing

Lessons...

LESSONS.....

I've learned that many of life's lessons cannot be found in the classroom nor in texts books. Some of the most amazing lessons come in the form of living. Once you've mastered living for a living, nothing else will matter.

I consider myself to be a great writer and sometimes I use one word to describe what I'm going through/feeling. It's never a dig at anyone, it's actually me revealing my truths in the form of living through words. Although most of my day is spent helping others and being mom; my best lessons come in the way my children and others respond to me.

One of the most valuable, learn to appreciate yourself and the journey. We're all wired differently. Some of us WILL change the world, while others will help others to see the good in the world. The goal is to help someone else along the way. I used to think, what I shared didn't matter. I mean, I was never sharing in hopes of getting people to notice me. I share because I've learned alot during my 38( well really 28 years because the 1st 10 years I wasn't fully aware of who I was) years of life. Then one day it happened. Someone shared with me, they found strength and hope through my words. In MY words I thought?

Then a still voice said, "Why NOT your words"?? Whew, I then knew it was bigger than just sharing but it was imperative that I live what share.

Life has taught me, in all things remain truthful to yourself. I mean, God already knows so do your part by living a life that's always acceptable and pleasing. I'll admit I thought it was important to be a people pleaser. But oh when I realized what they thought or even think of me doesn't matter; the chains that held me were broken. At the end of the day, NO 1 truly has the power to judge. Yes, we live in an overly opinionated society but the truth is, your lessons and life will not mirror that of anyone else.

Your journey,

Your life,

Your lesson,

Your story.. PERIOD

I've been feeling the need to remind myself and others your best life is the gift of life itself. Live and learn

Learn and share

 Be okay with how some lessons turn out, you'll understand why the more you live.

Here's my last and final truth for the night... ( i think)...

I've been single for quite sometime now, ok a few years lol... Am I tired of the single life, hecks yeah BUT the lesson in this isn't for me but my daughter and son.

The lesson for My daughter: I can't allow her to see numerous men walking in and out of my life. I'm her teacher and what I live she will mirror. I'm living with her in mind all the time. No, I'm not teaching her that women do not need a husband, I'm teaching her to wait until HE seeks you.

The lesson for MY son: Women are priceless( he asked the meaning of priceless today ) and because they're valuable they are never to be mishandled. I cannot allow him to see me being mishandled as it'll give him the wrong idea. I'm teaching him, chose one and give her you're all.

Lessons.. Never stop living and you'll never stop learning.

Signed,

Cheneka the Teacher

But I wasn't looking at YOU....

My lovely people, its been a while and I have missed thee so. Life has been busy for me but that's no excuse.
I now have a 13 year old and a 6 year old. Let's just say, I'm really on my toes these days with the 6 year old. Full of lessons, fun and tears. To think, I ever doubted myself in this role of raising a son is absolutely crazy. God has given me strength that I never knew exsisted. His father and I have come a very long way and for that I'm extremely grateful. (We still disagree from time to time but it's healthy in order to be great co-parents and friends).

He and his sister argue like strangers in the night but I would'nt have it any other way. They are the loves of my life, not my whole life though because I believe the right man is enroute.. Yeah, I'm a bit more optimistic these days. I've always had a type but as I'm growing and maturing more, my type hasn't always worked, causing me to be more open to others... I'm sure a blog or 2 will come to pass sooner than later...

I do have a question though..... How do you respond to, " What are you looking at"? When my son gets in trouble, he's quick to ask his sister what is she looking at. Being the quick teenager she is, like clock work she responds, "Not you".. When I tell you its funny to me, I crack up every time.. BUT what about when a man says it, how does it make you feel? Do you feel slighted, does it anger you? Do you feel dissed?? I try mybest to ignore when men try to grab my attention. Sometimes, I'm just not up for the foolishness. Recently, a guy said to me, "Ms or MRS"? I thought, miss me with this bull... I digress


I was talking to a guy friend and he proceeded to tell me about a misunderstanding that went south. He was at the gas station and he happen to be looking back(missing a few bits and pieces) and 2 women assumed he was looking at them. LOng story short, he wasnt and they proceeded to act like donkeys, yelling and cursing. They even pulled outh their phones and started recording!!MA'AM!!!

 Women, do we sometimes act foolish for no reason and men, do you sometimes add salt to injury with a hard cold diss??

It happens more than it should but ladies, all men aren't looking at us. And men, just because we acknowledge you doesn't mean we want you.

When I see a handsome man or even a beautiful woman, because I'm secure in who I am: I have no issue with complimenting them. I'll take it even further, I may not even be checking you out physically, I may be drwan to how you're dressed. I love to see well dressed men and I love to see well dressed women. It gives me ideas on how to arrange pieces in my closet and a well dressed man gives me hope....sighhhh

As we get older, our approach with the opposite sex changes. We're either attracted to them or we're not. We may look but it's not always a situation where we want to touch. We may wink only
 because they smiled or nodded. Let's stop confusing every man as a boy raging with hormones and
men stop assuming you're going to get it just because.

I may not have been looking at you to get with you but I was checking you out!! Let's admit it and move forward..

Signed,
Blogging for the mature and sexy

All things aren't DEAD

There's a patch of grass on the side of our house. I've watched it over the course of a soon to be year this summer. It's gone from a beautiful green that I've mowed, to a burnt state. Over the last few weeks, weather in Georgia has been a bit cold. For this thick boned Northern girl to feel cold, it definitely must be cold. Oops, focus Cheneka ( I digress)... Lol


Each morning while walking my son to the bus stop, I always glance at the grass. It didn't start growing and turning green over night. It was a process.

Woe is life, the never ending growth process.
Some days you will feel you're at the peak of your game and some days you'll feel like you're losing. I've deemed this year as, " I will not lose" and " Whatever is meant for me will NOT pass me by". Just like the grass, daily we grow. Some days our growth is visible and some days, its internal growth.

Some days, our growth isn't for the world to see. Somethings we need to process and go through without the crowd. I've learned this and processed it the hard way. Hard lessons yield the most amazing growth. Take those lessons and allow them to grow you.  The tears you shed they truly water the soul.

I know we face situations and sometimes we feel that all hope is gone. Or even, were holding onto dead people and dead situations. I've learned to let it be and fall where it may. Sometimes, we have to walk away and let it die. If it's meant, there'll always be an opportunity for it to grow again. We cannot rush the process, it must happen on its own.

I challenge you to Grow. Grow in all areas of your life. When you least expect it, a situation that you felt was dead will re-surface. Because you stepped away from it, you allowed yourself the space to heal and grow. Because you took the time to work on you, you can now either work on the situation or experience closure.

Either way, allow yourself the space to grow. We're never to old and we never stop growing. It's an never ending process.. To grow!!!

Signed,
Sincerely Enjoying the growth process!!

Simply Put, Simply Cheneka

The Little Things...

These last few months, I've had to find reasons to smile because I know for sure I wanted to just say forget it! This is to hard.

I found myself talking to God more and I stopped complaining. I mean I literally STOPPED!  How was God ever going to bless me while I was so caught up in what I didn't have? It was in that moment He reminded me, " sometimes I'm all you need"..  when I tell you the moment I stopped complaining,  small blessings startedconing my way. In my alone moments, quiet moments and moments when all I could do was cry, God simply said, " So are you going to trust me"?

We get caught up in watching others get ahead that it discourages us. This morning God simply reminded me, He put something on the inside of me and it's his word. When all else fails his word will lift us up and carry us.

As I read this morning and prepared for my day, a peaceful calm overtook me. I can't explain the calm but I can say, something big is on the horizon. Not just for me but for all of us who believe. Let's take heart in God's words and promises. Let's take heart in knowing he has us.
I promise, theres always a light at the end of the tunnel. He makes provision when we can't do it naturally.

I promise, with all of the curves, God is making a straight path just because. It's not the struggle that's making us, it's our Faith in God that's building us and shaping our character.

My lovies, I challenge you to hold on. Hold on to the little things because they turn to much when we put it in the Master's hands.

I totally had a different twist on The Little Things but my heart felt and my fingers typed something else. To some, you're always arriving to late but to God your arrival is On time! And that matters more than anything else...

Signed,
Simply Thankful

But HE knows..

We all need great friends. I always thought men and women could never be friends without sleeping together. When I was younger, if you talked to a guy and he had a girlfriend, you were trying to steal him. If you had a friend who was married, your name came up in an argument because you want him.. The lists go on and on..  

Oh have I proven each one wrong. Some of my best friendships are with men. One of my longest standing friendships is with a guy. One of my first friends when I 1st moved to Boston and lived on Columbia Rd. To this day( and he's married) we're thick as thieves. I give him a woman's perspective when he and the Mrs have a disagreement and he gives me the male perspective when I'm receiving mixed signals from guys I met. 

I'm appreciative to all of my male friendships. I've learned that it's okay to have male friends. Just this week, another close male friend and I discussed boundaries. And whether or not we believe we should have them; boundaries are sometimes needed. They keep you from making choices you'll later regret. 

Not only do our husbands, boyfriends and guy friends need us but to some degree we need them too. 

Aside from my brothers, some of my most sound advice and support, comes from my guy friends. 

True friendships are hard to come by. Especially friendships of the opposite sex. We determine the level of respect and appreciation given in these friendships. I must admit, if you think you may be attracted to a guy friend, do not cross those lines and try and build a relationship. Not that I've ever done it but I'm sure if it doesn't work you can't go back to just kicking it! 

Today, I stand firm in being a confidant, good listener, no crap taker in my guy friendships. Sometimes, the pill is hard to serve when you have to speak harsh truths but if the friendship is true, you get thru it, you grow and remain tight!! 

Shout out to my homies who appreciate the kid.. I appreciate and love y'all too!! 

Signed, 

Simply Thankful for my guy homies!! 

It's NOT always a downpour

"When it rains, it's not always a downpour. It's just enough to water your ground and give you strength"- CTH 

I pick and chose parts of my life I share with you all. Not because I want anyone to think I have it all together but sometimes I keep it in my resevior to strengthen me when I feel weak.. As bad as I want to cry at times, I find more strength and courage in just writing and sharing. My prayer is ( always) Father give me strength, bless me with your favor and anything meant to do me harm, block it.. 

I've grown in this role as single parent ( yay) but this role as a single black woman.... Ughhhhh 

It's not that I crave intimacy, sometimes( like today) I just need a male to walk me thru the issue. Ok, I'm having car issues!! Lol

I'm grateful for a mechanic who comes to me; in his words, " babygirl, I'll keep your service fees low if I come to you because if you come to the shop I'll have to charge full price".. I can dig it. But when he's using mechanical terminology, I'm totally 199 percent lost! As he repaired the diagnosed issue, we soon learned there was another issue. I wanted to cry because sometimes, as a woman that's my first comforting instinct. But the Holy Spirit comforted that uneasy feeling and reminded me, " it could be worse, you have an umbrella to protect you".. I still have 150 other thoughts running thru my head but if nothing else I have to trust that no matter what, it's not a down pour, my life will not end, the day will get better AND everything that's been promised to me will still come to pass. Yes, I'll have to make adjustments for this week but you know what? It won't stop me. 

My Lovies, I encourage you to keep looking up. Continue embracing the positive. Sometimes the things we want/ crave so bad are not within our reach because it's just not our time. When there's something I want but can't have right away, I've learned that, it's not that it wasn't for me, it just wasn't my time. 

And just like that, my mechanic called me back with the correct diagnosis, and he'll meet me at my house to get it squared away!! See, it wasn't a downpour!!

Once again, God looked out for the kid!! 

Signed, 

Simply blessed Cheneka!! 

Lifestyle Maintenance

Late last week, my dash read that I needed to change my oil( technology is amazing in new vehicles). This morning I had downtime so I went to have it done. 

While sitting in the lobby, there were a few others having work performed on their vehicles. This one woman stood out in particular. She was on the phone talking. I continuously heard her saying, " but if you made me aware of your issue, we would not be disagreeing right now". For some reason that stuck with me. 

How many times do we have disagreements or misunderstandings all because we did not provide clarity? Many people laugh/ or do not understand when I ask for clarity. It's not to be a jerk, it's because I need clarity! I'm effective when I understand and if I don't, I will continue with questions. Lol

I'll never forget, it was my 1st semester of college. I was sitting in my Child Development class. We were assessing the way children learn. I'll admit, sometimes I'll indulge in a great debate, I'll also admit, I'll probe just to see how strong you are( I know, petty). Well, on this particular day, I truly didn't understand a point my professor made so I kept asking questions. Right in the midst of my question she says, " Cheneka all you do is ask questions, it's not that many questions in the world". I must admit, the level of disdain I soon carried for this woman was unbelievable. However, when my final grade for that class was an A and she later expressed she felt I'd be a phenomenal teacher, I knew I'd done something right. Where ever you are Professor Ravitha Amarethinsan(spelling is horrible but in my head I'm saying it right), thank you! 

In life, many areas of our lives will require constant maintenance. A sisterfriend and I were talking about relationships last week and the grass appearing to be greener somewhere else. We have to take care of what's been given to us, or even the hands we've been dealt because we either chose it, or it's our lot in this life. 

Somethings will require more work and if we feel it's worth it, we're going to fight for it. 

My Lovies, I challenge you to work on, or even fix any relationship/ project that you've walked away from. In order for every part to fall in sync, it all has to mesh and work together. We can't expect our cars to run without gas, we can't expect relationships to work without communication. Today, I'm going to be better by doing better. You do the same, you hear?!! 

Signed, 

Simply Cheneka 

Truth is...

There's nothing better than being in the arms of someone who cares for you just as much as you care for them... I know, I know you should be in love, married etc... But sometimes just laying with someone takes away the stresses of the world and even if for a brief minute, you're able to exhale the scent of peace( or in my case, a man who smells Hella good).. 

I've crossed over onto the far side of 30, 2 years past 35.. As I look over my life, I have not been in a long term relationship in quite sometime. I don't know if I'm avoiding it or if the right person has not come along( I think he has but he just doesn't know it yet), but I know for sure I. Miss. Cuddling. And it's not even about sex.. It's just laying there, in the arms of a person who cares just as much as I care. 

Don't get me wrong, marriage should always be the goal but you have to first get to that place. It's the simple things that matter the most:: 

Morning texts

Thinking of you gestures

Dinner 

Long walks

Honest conversations and Cuddling... 

Lately, I've daydreamed more than a little about my King.. He's a handsome fella and he's just right for me.. He understands I do NOT want anything from him( I'm sure there are tons of people pulling on him). I don't want much, just his ear, a shoulder to lean on and strong arms holding me up because sometimes I feel weak. 

Together, we're going to be equally strong for each other and make cuddling a priority. It's what good relationships are built on( and honestly too, above EVERYTHING else).. 

Signed, 

Simply Cheneka 

A King can ALWAYS use a Queen...

Even on a man's worst day, knowing he has a Queen is comforting~ CTH®

The thing about relationships, every man wants to be acknowledged as a King. He wants a castle where he's the one and only MAN roaming.. 

The downfall to this image, there are not a lot of women walking as Queen's to compliment his vision. Some are so busy trying to be dimes they forget, a real Queen is worth more than a mere 10 pennies, 1 dime or 2 nickels. 

You cannot put value on beauty, strength and resilience. You cannot place value on Motherhood, Sisterhood, Marriage and being his Peace in a chaotic world. 

And men, you're worth more than trying to have more than one woman at a time. You ARE the full package but for 1 woman. Be her Peace, be her Truth, be her Support. Love Her the way she loves you. You cannot place value on your Strength, Brotherhood, Marriage and the fulfillment that comes with being her one and only King. 

Everyone has their spill on relationships but the best advice is the advice you don't give and you use it to work on YOURself. 

Today my Lovies, let's provide the one we truly care about with the utmost respect and care. Let's stop the games in 2016. You either down with them or you're not. Kings and Queens do not play games because they value themselves and their court( home)... 

Signed, 

Neka T. Speaks 

Flawed BUT Perfect...

It's so easy to look at other people's lives and wish you had what they have. 

New Year's Eve, my bestie and I had a 3 hour phone convo( yes we talk that long in real life, most days),about our lives. Our mishaps, bad relationships, good relationships, broken hearts, parenthood and divorce. Yes, we all suffer from one or all the things listed above. 

It's so easy to be an outsider looking in to what is deemed as perfection. To add a cherry to my plain vanilla icecream sundae( don't judge me), my Spiritual Father, preached the exact same message during NYE service( I mean verbatim). I texted her during service telling her. It was as if he was on three way with us. 

Just because it looks good from the outside, doesn't mean it's heaven on the inside. We get so caught up in reading more into what's there that we think our lives are horrible. 

I'm learning it's best to be single than in a relationship where he has another woman he's promising to build with.  It's best to lay in bed alone, than to lay next to someone who has kissed everyone but you. 

I tend to shy away from blogging about love/relationships because I've been dealt a hand that I didn't ask for. Don't get me wrong, they all didn't start that way BUT somewhere down the line we just didn't mesh anymore. 

But I'm Very optimistic these days. Cupid's arrow is messing with me and at some point I'm going to have to fully give in. 

My question is???  Do perfect relationships exit? To an outsider YES but to the 2 people giving their all, their Mess is their love. I'm down for a guy who has faults, I'm down for a guy who may forget to put the toilet seat down, I'm down for a guy who works hard and needs a minute or 2 after work to wind down in his man cave. I'm down for the guy who's not rich but loves me Richly. It's not the monetary, it's his actions that will speak more clearly than anything else. And don't misunderstand what I'm saying ladies, it's not just the guy who has to do his part. We must pull our weight too. No nagging, no selfish acts. Prepare him a hot bath too, rub him down with massage oils, they like honesty too. Teach him to communicate with you( they tend to shy away from

Doing all the talking). They're not the best at communicating but this is where you will both grow together and In Love... Love each other like it's only the two of you in this world. Outsiders don't matter 

Today my Lovies, the challenge is: to be honest with you. Love your flawed self. Not a soul walking this earth is perfect. I mean, we want to be but the truth is we're really not. Love all of your imperfections. And for the flaws you can fix, don't make excuses fix them. 

We're all entitled to be with, Marry and Love the exact same person over and over again but better each day. If you're in a situation that's not yielding the Love you need, quit being a fool gather your ish and move along UNLESS you like the chaos. And let's be real, a chaotic life is not the business. 

I'm no love expert but I know what it is to Love someone truly in your soul. For Love is an action. It's never ever Love that hurts us but people. Love yourself and Love the people who love you. 

Cupid has a funny way of pricking us. Don't get caught up having a Will and Jada love because even they have bags full of trash too. Have a love that's  uniquely designed for you, Flawed but Perfect!! 

Signed, 

Simply Cheneka 

You'll know it's Real...

I've learned that it's not LOVE that has hurt us, it's people who have pretended to love us that have hurt us. 

Love is an action word that carries a lot of emotions. What makes love so real is that it allows us to genuinely look past our hurts, flaws, heartaches and failures and share an intimate piece of our heart. 

I must admit, I haven't always been in a place where I've wanted to LOVE. But as I've grown and matured, I realize the Love I've shared has been deposited into some people who have never experienced true love. 

While we find it easy to hide behind hurt, build walls and ignore what our hearts speak, when it's your time to be on the receiving end of the Love you deserve, there's nothing or no 1 that can hinder it. 

Today Lovies, be thankful/ appreciative  for the ones who love you with no pretense. Accept that their love comes from a place of honestly. It's time for us to stop running from Cupid and allow the arrow to get us. One of my favorite artists sang, " when you love someone sometimes you gotta let them go and if they come back it means so much more"~ Vivian Green

Live and be in Love. 

Signed, 

Simply Cheneka 

 

Everyday Happy.. Just because...

My 5days of Happy Challenge has been a blessing to my life. Every single day I woke up with a grateful heart. I prayed and promised not to let anyone or anything disturb my happy place. 

It's been amazing to appreciate every minute of the day knowing the next isn't promised. I've accomplished so many things this week all because I decided I just want to be happy and accomplished. Now that I know and understand I control my happy, it has given me the confidence to speak into every area of my life that I need to change. 

There are so many things on the horizon for 2016 and they all include my Happy... 

What's your happy? What did the challenge do for you on this week? 

I know for sure I've looked at every area of my life through happy lens on this week. Don't get me wrong, everyday won't be peachy and some days may seem harder than others but I'm determined to see the happy. I'm no longer have  interest in being around Debbie Downers, I refuse to let your miserable life dictate my happy life. 

Today my Lovies, push yourself to continue seeing the happy in each and everyday. Thank God for your OWN life. Thank him for all he's doing and all he's going to do. You have the power within to achieve all that you've set out to accomplish. I dare you to do it with a smile 2, I certainly plan too!! 

Signed, 

Forever Happy!!! 

For my Sisters...

I'll Never ever compromise who I am

But when I see things worth sharing I must.. So here's my truth, I've been single for close to 3 years now. In this time I had to heal, refresh and learn things all over again. Honestly, I've never been one to flirt and such because I honestly just don't know how. What I would consider flirting never worked.. Sighh

I've just never been one to approach a man. I mean, let me be great! I feel the man is supposed to pursue me, sorry not sorry( hence the single life lol).. 

I saw this post and instantly I saw the truth in it. And while this isn't to bash men, it's definitely an eye opener to how and what they feel when we do not require more. Here's a truth.... I've met guys before and it's been a textaship.. Yes, I made that up. Lol

Not a real friendship because we just texted. I learned from doing so, 1, they'll soon fall off or 2, you'll soon become bored. And while either or both could occur, the fact remains neither of us requires anything of each other so this is the outcome. 

I honestly believe that sometimes men are just as nervous as we are about dating. And just like us, they experienced bad break ups, divorce, cheating, feelings of insecurity etc... 

But how do we start the process of requiring more? It's all so simple to say what could be done but it's not always so easy to follow through. 

Texting is cool, even fun. But if you're over 30( clears throat on the far side of 30, bless God..lol), your vocabulary should consist more than, WYD, TTYL, Lol, GM, GN, ROTF etc.. 

Hey, have a conversation with me, intrigue my mind. Give me something to look forward too. I'll admit, I like texting only because I like my iPhone. But baby, don't be fooled because I can talk your ear off in real life. I've had to learn that sometimes I must leave room for the guy to talk.  And although a few potentials have told me they enjoy listening to me talk, in actuality I'm talking because you're not engaging me. A requirement is, I need to hear your voice at least once a day. I need to know you were thinking of me just a little and you wanted to hear my voice. 

In dating and getting to know each other; simple gestures can easily become overlooked if they're not done consistently. A morning text definitely makes you smile BUT that afternoon call, where your face pops up on my screen as you're calling is awesome! 

A thinking of you text mid-day is cool but that phone call where he says, " I'm on break and I only have a few minutes so I called just to hear your voice", will get a kiss! Hey, we're all adults and we need to be real about our likes and dislikes. 

Ladies lets face it, sometimes we have to teach a man how to treat us. And if your lessons are incomplete and without directives, you're not failing him. You're ultimately failing yourself. 

This time around, I'm not failing. I'm putting what I want out there. I'm no longer dating to just date. I'm dating with my future in mind. Yea, I'll text you BUT it's required that I hear your voice. Yea, I'll entertain your short hand text but in person I'm going to stimulate your vocabulary. 

Let's stop settling and get what we want out of life and love. 

My Lovies, I challenge you to be with someone who makes you feel like you're on top of the world. Be with someone who adores you, who looks forward to seeing you. Be with someone who wants to know your plans for the future and not just where they fit in your life for right now. We're to old to play games.. 

And today's soapbox blog edition was bought to you courtesy of a post on instagram( are you following me? My personal handle is neka_th and my blog IG, NekaTSpeaks, cause chile I have a lot to say)!! 

Signed, 

I'm more than a Text!! 

PS... Thoughts and comments are appreciated, share them)! 

Whatever Wednesday....

I've been meaning to blog since Mother's Day. This was the 1st year that I didn't have a melt down. Like so many other holidays, it's become commercialized by the amount of money that's spent. This year, #boychild, #girlchild and #niecechild  really made me smile. I know they are young and money is sometimes hard for them to come by( without me giving it to them) but they made it happen. 

When I woke up Sunday, I was beyond Thankful. I received so many messages, cute gifts and phone calls that it made my heart smile on the inside. Not to mention the release I had at church, the ugly cry at that... Whew!! 

 I'm horrible with wearing my feelings on my sleeve but lately I've had a whatever attitude AND not whatever in a negative way. 

More so, I'm ready to embrace WHATEVER is in store for my life. After a few heartbreaks and setbacks, it's so easy to just live life as a hermit, inside a shell hiding. But I refuse to live that way. Who would it benefit? Certainly not me. 

So here's to Growth, wherever this journey is leading us I'm Ready... 

Motherhood, I Got this and I'm not going to fail NOW. 

To Relationships, if you give I'll give. I'm able, open, willing and ready. 

To Success, it's not stopping with just KISS, whatever is brewing I'm ready to pour.. 

And to life, oh it's been a turbulent ride. Some days high and some days low. But it's definitely made me into the Woman I am today. 

So my lovies, Whatever this Wednesday throws your way, good or bad don't take it laying down. Somethings aren't always a fight. Some are mere gifts that are just God's way of reminding you that it's ok and HE has you.. Live and Let Live. We'll never know until we look whatever the fear is in the face and say, "I'm Not Scared".. No Fear here. 

Signed, 

Living My Life Like its Golden! 

The exchange....

Everyday I strive to become better. A better Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Business Owner, Writer( thank you guys for ALL of your comments and support) and last but not least, a better Lover.. 

I can count on one hand the number of serious relationships I've been in and if the Gawds are looking out for me, my last relationship will be on that same hand( last as in forever, the big shaBang, "The Matrimony"as Wale and Usher delivered," If there's a question of my heart, You got it".... Yes Usher!!! 

One might ask how can you become a better lover when you're single? Easy! By loving myself. By loving myself, I'm able to love others. Hasn't always been easy to love after experiencing numerous heartbreaks( and I can be honest, I'm not perfect but I strive to be understanding and caring). You can only get what you give. 

The world is trying to sell the dream of women being independent and I fully get it.. However, the load would be lighter with someone there to help. Listen, there's been plenty of days where all I've needed was a shoulder to lean on or to hear the words you're not alone( Momma I luv you and thank you for all your support) from a strong supportive man. 

Women, it was never meant for us to do this alone.

And men, it's totally okay to be the bread winner, have nice things and be on top of your game but why do it alone? How nice would it be to come home to a nicely prepared hot meal( not hamburger helper: YUCK) and a bath( don't front, y'all like baths and that sweet soft clean aroma too).

Somewhere, in the middle we have to learn to compromise. It sucks that so many of us have been hurt and we have walls and we're afraid to love or be loved again. Love is like a roller coaster. Some days it's high, way up there at the top and it's good. Some days, you're at that not so high place and it's a struggle. And some days, you're just there dangling.. Yup dangling, holding on for dear life. 

But the exchange happens when you and your partner are in tune with each other and you talk thru it. I've never been one to just clam up( hence yesterday's blog Shut Up). I honestly believe communication is the key to everything. Im guilty of overtaking but you'll never ever be able to say, " I didn't understand where you were coming from". I put my truths, my fears, my likes and dislikes out on front street. We're getting to old for game of hide and seek. I'll tell you this but you figure that out. Tuh, oh no! 

Lovies, let's be willing to love. Love past the previous hurts and disappointments. Love past previous lies. Let's learn to be open and embrace new things and new people. I love my independence but I'm so ready and willing to share with some one. Great Love is not built overnight. It takes willing hearts and minds to find it together. 

I'm challenging everyone( myself included) to be optimistic.. I want to exchange more than texts, phone calls, wet kisses, you get where this is going. Lol

I want to exchange today for tomorrow, next week for next month and next year for forever. ( I hope I'm not becoming a hopeless romantic blogger.. Lol) 

Signed, 

You won't know til you try 

Sound offffffff....

You talk to much and you never shut up, shut up.. A big blabbermouth that is what you are, if you were a talk host you would be a Star...Run DMC

I promise, sometimes it's so hard just to Shut Up! I don't know if it's the trait of being the oldest( and needing to solve everything), the fact that I'm an Aquarius and we're savers of the Universe or the fact that I'm just a Woman. Whatever the case is, I have it bad!! 

But as of late, I'm learning that sometimes I just need to shut up. Every situation does not deserve the opinion of Cheneka( although in the back of my throat and under my breath, I promise I'm saying something, lol).. 

We all deal with life and situations differently. When I can't solve something, I get in my feelings and everything and everyone is against me. I know it's probably wrong but it works for me ( don't judge me). 

I was spending quality time with a guy friend and we were casually talking. As always I have an opinion but for once I said( outloud) " You know I have something to say but I'll keep my opinion to myself"... He responded, "Thank You".. Did he lowkey agree that I needed to shut up? Lol I'll never know and because he's a gentleman he'll probably never tell either.. Shrugs 

Ladies, how do you shut yourself up or do you wait to be told shut up?

Guys, how do you deal with your overly opinionated Boo??? Let's sound off... 

Signed, 

When you walk away, I'll be talking Again 

My Milkshake is.....

When I changed my eating habits and started working out, I texted my sister girl and said, " my milkshake is about to bring ALL the boys to the yard". We laughed and laughed. She told me I was out control. I mean Kelis DID say her milkshake brings them to hers, so why not mine?

I'm a people watcher. I watch actions, mannerisms you name it I watch. Why? Maybe because I'm nosey for starters but more so to understand what people are interested in, mainly men because a sister has got to know!!!  

I used to think that all men wanted chicks with long hair until I recently cut my REAL long hair, went super short(?its now growing back) and started getting compliments on the regular.. 

Then I thought well, she has to be skinny. Until HoneyBooBoo's momma came on the scene, thick as ever, got engaged and recently married. Nah, they want big breasts, small waists and huge derrières. 

Dang! I was still wrong. 

I recently figured it out... What's in the milkshake you ask? 

In MY milkshake there's a LOT of kindness, a lot of listening, non- judge mental ears, a lot of hugs, kisses and compliments( men need them too). A little assertiveness and a lot of support. I'm straight forward to the point and I'm to old for mess. 

We tend to get caught up in the physical when in actuality, men know that will all fade away once they stop using those waist trainers( as will their physique). They're looking for a tasty yet satisfying milkshake. One that will still be on his mind even when she's miles away. 

So ladies, for starters keep your milkshake clean but ultimately carry yourself in a way that you'll attract one good man vs a lot of boys who just want to play. No man want a woman that's had everyone in her yard.. Plus, when boys drink milkshakes they are nasty. Who wants to share with someone nasty?  

Today lovies, don't worry about why all the boys are not coming to your yard. Hold your milkshake high, the right man is coming and once he gets to that milkshake... It'll be a wrap... 

Signed, 

My Milkshake Is for 1 MAN in the Yard!!!