New Outlook

For the last 3 years like clockwork, I shut down my social media accounts at the beginning of the year and I focus and gain prespective. I'm not a facebooker but I love Instagram. I love checking out other people's pictures and I like looking for inspiration. BUT, I'll admit I started to  find myself comparing and wishing my life was like some of the people who posted happy faces daily.

Now, understand me well. I absolutely love my life. I love being Mommy, I LOVE writing and inspiring others. However, seeing people in these happy go lucky relationships was getting the best of me... Then it hit me. most of these people are in one sided relationships, hidden relationships and they lack the true essence of caring, love and appreciation.

As a single mother and woman, I made up in my mind to stay single until the right one comes along. Truth is, because I've been so guarded and always have my wall up, I haven't been the easiest person to approach. YES, I'm admiting it, I'm hard when it comes to love. I think I know so much and I'm so good but I'm not. In the back of my mind, I always hear, " You have a type Cheneka", " You just can't settle Cheneka"... Blah blaah blaaaaaaaaaah, conditioned thinking.

I never really thought about what would happen if I stepped out of that box and just started to live. Be open. Closed hands do not get fed and closed hearts never recieve the love they deserve. And let's not talk about the age thing( older men, younger men...blahhhhhhhh).

My last real relationship was close to 4 years ago. Don't get me wrong, I've entertained guy friends and a few I thought would lead to more but they didn't. I won't take the full blame for it not becoming more but I will say maybe I wasn't always easy or ready. Recently, one of my childhood/ teenage Best friends married the love of her life. He's an older guy and he treats her like the Queen she is. Their love excites me and gives me hope. And although she and I may not speak every single like we once did, I'm beyond happy for her and I wish them years of happiness and love.

But my question is.... Is it true? Are older men the way to go?
I've never really entertained the thought because I never wanted to feel like I'm looking for a daddy, someone to take care of me so to say. My therapist did say, alot of my trust issues stem from "Daddy Issues"... But, when the guys your age aren't acting right and they lie and are immature, the best thing to do is go OLDER, right??!!!

My  Atlanta Pastor ( LaBryant Friend) once said, " Sometimes your type is the reason you're by yourself".. I laughed when he said it but he was on the money with the statement. Now friends, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying we have to settle but sometimes we have to be willing to try something different. Step outside of the box and forget everything you've been conditioned to think and believe. Good men are everywhere, we just have to be willing to let them be the man..

PJ Morton sings it best in his song Fly Away~

"What would you say if I asked you to come with me, would you forget the details and all the  technicalities?
Cover your eyes take my hand and follow me, we could fly away..
Don't you worry about a thing, let your mind go free and forget everything. I'll be the wind under your wings... So we can fly away" La La La La.....

One of my last post of 2017, I spoke dating and marriage over my life. I'm not getting any younger but I do know I have love in my heart and I would love to share it with someone... I'm ready to fly away....

Be open this year in all things pertaining work, love and finances. It's time that we all live the lives we were destined for.

"Psalms 32:8, I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye"...


Signed,
Cheneka is Changing

Grown Cliques..

This was a busy work week to say the least. I filled in for American Literature, Gym Drills, English and Science. Typically, its a different class each day but this week my schedule was consistent.

I definitely enjoy Sub teaching. It's rewarding and it provides a bit of change for the students.  Since I was spending full days on campus this week, I was able to mingle a bit more than usual. I was early enough to have breakfast along with staff and students. because I'm a people watcher, I typically just stand around and watch or I sit by myself. For some odd reason, I was inclined to sit with some co-workers. I experienced sitting with a grown clique.

Have you ever watched your children try to talk to other kids their age and you just want to run to their rescue and save them? That was me, I wanted to save myself. LOL  I saw a few familiar faces so I sat with them. I wish I had just sat alone or returned to my class and ate alone.

I felt out of place and like I was trying to hard. Yup, me Cheneka Hobbs: Ms. Outspoken, Ms. Get Along with Everyone, Ms. People lover!! I felt out of place, It's not that I was trying to hard, or looking to make new friends, I just thought as adults we could all sit at the same table and talk.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not having a fit over it. I just understand on an adult level " Grown Cliques".. This wasn't my first experience with it BUT I do hope it will be my last. The older I get, I'm becoming more aware of who I am and my levels of toleration.


My lovies, I challenge you to always make sure you're treating people the way you want to be treated. You treat them with respect and always be mindful of our actions intentionally and unintentionally. Some people are not as strong as they make themselves out to be.
This experience has been yet another eye opener for me. I'll be sure to think twice of other's feelings and my actions. I would hope that we do the same.

Signed,
I'm NOT a Mean Girl, just Simply Cheneka!!

Don't be They...

Every year, I found an excuse as to why I did not celebrate my birthday. I used to look to friends to help me celebrate but it just never really happened. Then I started blaming it on, I wanted to make sure my kids had great birthday celebrations.


When I turned 35, that was my last real celebration. Shame on me. I would buy and receive great gifts but to actually set time aside and celebrate, I was failing. Failing myself, failing to thank God for a new year at this thing called life.  I became that friend who celebrated everyone and disregarded myself.

As I worked on my vision board for 2017, I made personal declarations and promised to celebrate myself THIS year. My sister friend then in turn reminded me, " They will only celebrate you as much as YOU celebrate you". That comment opened my eyes and made me think reallllllll HARD. I had become my own they. They didn't acknowledge me because I didn't. They didn't offer to celebrate with me because I didn't celebrate me.

The "theys" in our life play two roles. They will either push you or they will talk about you. Life is teaching me, they only care because they want to see you fail or they are pushing you to be great.

Which they are you? I've learned, the immediate theys won't celebrate because in so many ways, YOU have become the competition. You have become the " they" that's determined to make it.
You have become the " they" that they fear: Sucess.

There's room for everyone to make it. And the ones who really care, will in turn turn around and help pull you up with them.

Today, I challenge you to not become a victim to they. They only care when it benefits them. They only care because of what you can do for them. Let that mentality stop today.
Celebrate you. Celebrate your highs and lows. Celebrate your successes and failures. We celebrate failures because it's teaching us how to make it into a win.

One of the worst places to be is in between. In between a career/ job change, in between seasons, in between finding your place and giving up. But in that place, still celebrate. Find strength and even encourage yourself. They won't, so what! It's your place to do it.
Celebrate when you are right now because tomorrow, you won't be where you are now.

Signed,
They won't kill me, Simply Cheneka

Adult vs Adult...

Is it ok for me to be absolutely, positively over being an adult? Well I am. I truly understand that we put ourselves into a lot of situations but sometimes being an adult is just overRated.. 

I remember growing up, one of the many lessons I learned over and over again was, " if you have nothing nice to say DO NOT say anything at all".. I've been guilty of saying a lot of things but maturity is teaching me to speak from a place of MY truths. 

Adults can be so tough on each other and what it boils down to is simply "misunderstandings", misconstrued words and the battle of not wanting to be wrong.. 

So tonight at this moment, I denounce my adult thrown.. I don't want it.. I return it to the Gawds of growing up.. Take it back!! Lol

But seriously, all jokes aside. We have to find better ways of getting along and expressing our feelings without beating the other up with name calling. 

I get it some of us may be tough but at the end of the day words hurt.. 

I challenge all of my adult friends ( because we're all grown), to respect the next person. Simple. As. That! 

Rest Peacefully, 

Signed, 

An Adult