My MoodaPie..

When your little girl is no longer a little girl.. Sighhh 

My daughter traveled over the holiday break to our hometown to spend time with her father and his family. I'm always ok with her going, I'm just never prepared for the length of time. ( Long distance Co-Parenting blogs soon coming)- she returned Sunday and it felt like it had been an eternity. Yes, I talked to her daily, face timed daily but it wasn't the same as having her right within my touch. 

I try not to tell her this but she's my little best friend some days. I look to her to find the strength to keep being great because ( although my son is watching) she's actively watching and taking notes. 

I'm always amazed at how mature she's becoming but the conversations we've had since her return have seriously blown my mind. I'm always plucking her brain. ----> I digress: Yesterday, I had a friend to ask why was I interrogating him and it made me later think. Was I? But it's really just my human nature. To properly communicate, we must ask questions and because I'm A parent, I sometimes find myself using those techniques more than I should. 

Anyhoo, the more I talk to my daughter, I realize that she's like me but better. She has the potential to be better because I refuse to settle for anything less from her. I was worried with raising her without her father being in close proximity but I'm realizing we're doing fine. We have a village and although it's made of mostly women, I have awesome men as well who look out and who are genuinely concerned for both Li and Matthew( it does not replace her father but it eases my mind). 

I'm preparing to go back to school and as we talked about how our lives will change just a little, she reminded me, "Mommy I have your back and I'm so extremely proud of you". She also said, " I'm going to stay on you about getting your homework done and I'll keep Matthew quiet while you study". My heart was full. 

I also understand that sometimes, she's an ear hustler! Lol but it's ok because it keeps me on my toes with monitoring my conversations when she is in my presence. I try my best to live my life the same in front of her and behind closed doors, it's the only way. She said to me yesterday, "Mommy you are my best friend. I get it, you're my mom and you don't want to be my friend but sometimes I have so much fun with you". Just talking about her and watching her mature brings tears because there's been times where I wanted to give up but her love for me kept me going. 

Our 1st year in Georgia was hard. We moved twice within our 1st year. I never really talk about it but I questioned my move my 1st year. It was just the 2 of us literally. I didn't work the 1st 6months by choice. Once I started working and meeting ppl the load became lighter and I now know, it strengthened us and grew me up. 

Oh my babygirl Li, who will turn 12 in about 2months, I thank God for your life. I'm thankful that I get to look at you and watch you grow. Sometimes, I cannot believe how much you've grown since we moved to Georgia. My little girl who's now taller than me. I Love you my little Mooda Pie and although I'll never openly admit it, you're my best friend too. 

Signed, 

Simply Your Mom ❣❣❣

For The Win...

This morning, I wasted no time waking up. Got up, prayed and prepared myself for the day. I HAPPILY flicked on every single light in the house and woke my children up. "Rise and Shine my little pretties"... Lol

My son got up first and walked into my bedroom. This kid says, " Only my sister going to school right"? Ummm no sir, you're BOTH going. Come on and let's brush your teeth( my stomach cannot handle HIS morning breathe, yuck).. 

While they both handled their business, I finished preparing their breakfast, found sneakers, put hats, scarves and jackets on the hook by the front door. Everyone out!! 

My daughter finished preparing her lunch, I served warm grits, fruit and milk and by 7:50 everyone was out the door! Like magic!! 

Listen, I've been on both sides of the fence. I've taught and I'm a parent. I understand the importance of everyone needing a break, I just wasn't prepared for 2.5weeks with an inquisitive 4.5 year old( if you know him you know that 1/2 means everything to his little life). Just this morning he said, "Mommy I can reach your cabinet, does that mean I'm 5"? No son, you're still 4, ( him) "No, I'm 4.5". Whatever works kid, whatever works. 

Today my Lovies, sit and enjoy a small piece of heaven. Peace & Quiet!! Who knew how crucial it is to just sit in silence. I've been moving so much that I've missed my moments of peace. Make time to enjoy time today.. It's for the Win and your Sanity... Lol

Signed, 

Neka T. Speaks 

Nothing Else Matters...

Some of my greatest joys are tied to Motherhood. My children are absolutely amazing. A little bratty at times but at the end of the day they are mine and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

My daughter is 11 and in the 6th grade. She's excelling in all of her classes. My son is 4 and he's in PreK.. Total opposite of his sister growing up. I mean he's a boy. It took us a while to conquer potty training and we're now working on reading, writing and pronouncing his words. 

I started working on name writing when was 2. I must admit, some days I was so frustrated because I felt like he just wasn't getting it. I figured, when it's time he'll get it. With being a former educator, it bothered me that I could help other kids get it right away but my own kid couldn't grasp it. 

School started for him mid-September. In a matter of weeks he was writing his name and spelling! I must admit, at first I was entirely in my feelings over it! How dare he go to school and all of my hard work is now accredited to his two amazing teachers? But it hit me, he needed an environment outside of working with mommy to get it. 

Just like life. One can know the way but sometimes it takes someone on the outside to push you to really be and do all you can. I marvel daily at how he's excelling. It makes my heart smile. It's hard at times, this whole single parenting thing but I know it's going to pay off. I'm thankful for the small victories. I know we have so many more hurdles to jump and I'm anticipating them. 

My Loves, I challenge you not to give up. There's a master plan and you're going to succeed just keep going. Keep moving forward. Don't allow anyone or anything to deter you from your BEST. Your best days are within reach, trust me I know. Stay strong, Work hard and don't give up. We didn't and now he's writing his name like a big boy!! 

Signed, 

Better becomes your BEST!! 

#catchIt 

I don't want your Money..

Growing up, my brothers' friends were always at our house. I think we were the convient house of the neighborhood. Right across from the Community Center and everyone called my mother "Ma". 

As I became a little social bug, my friends also started to hang out at my house. I never understood why my mother never said "No", until I became a mother. 

I believe what we give may not come back directly to us in our lifetime but if we sow into good ground, our off spring will reap from the harvest. 

I'm the neighborhood mom that if someone is acting up at the bus stop, I'll get them together really quick. Last year we had crazy winter weather. I would be the mom to load the kids in my truck and drop them off at my daughter's school.  

I guess one would say I'm in the right business of serving Families( especially single parents, they have a special place in my heart). But I look at it this way, what I put out in the universe will benefit my children. 

I've learned to not always expect something in return but to genuinely give of my time however I can. 

This month alone, at least 6 of my friends have prepared their daughters to move into college. One in particular is veryyyyyy far from home ( but Aunti Nek got her covered). I've watched their moms cry and the dads say hey I'm just a phone call, drive or flight away. While the girls are ready to start new chapters in their new found independence, the challenge for the parents have now become, how will my child adapt to life without me( yup you read right lol).. 

I believe this is where what we've given to the world will now return to our children. I've committed to my friends and their daughters to be readily available to them. No, I cannot take the place of mom but if you need a home cooked meal, a visit to the mall or hair salon or just in need of a motherly figure, "I got you". We're only as strong as the village we help to build. 

Today my lovies, if you're a parent I challenge you to trust that what you've given to the universe will now give to your children. What you have sown may not be for you but a plenteous harvest for your children. I'm excited for all of our children's futures because I have some amazing people in my village. 

Signed, 

I Give because I Care

She Knows...

Lastnight as I sat in the kitchen after my hike, I got a text from my daughter. As most know, they are on vacation with my parents in Alabama. The text caught me a little off guard and it filled my eyes with tears and it filled my heart with love.. 

I was not expecting my daughter to send that. Although she is physically with me, she does communicate with her dad regularly and their relationship is loving. 

I've always cringed when ppl would attempt to honor me on Father's Day. I would quickly shoot down the wish because I'm confident in knowing I'm a great Mother. Although my role is a bit more challenging because I'm a single parent; it does not take away from who their fathers are. Had it not been for their fathers, my babies would not be here. I may not always agree with how they chose to be involved with my kids. However, I can honestly say it does not change who I am as their mother. 

Relocating was MY choice. Did I feel at times that my kids would lose out? Hell yes BUT in order for me to grow, soar and be who I am, I had to do it. Some days are harder than others. Some days I cry hard, some days only a few tears fall. 

Ultimately, I'm ok with just being their mom. I know there are things they can and will only learn from their fathers and I'm ok with it. I embrace them having a bond with their fathers. 

Today, in this moment my heart is full. Not because my daughter sent this text but because she understands that I play a significant role in her life. My Cubs and I are close. We grow together, we laugh together and sometimes we cry together. It makes us stronger.

I know some really Amazing Dads. I could never ever walk in their shoes as I would hope they would not want to walk in mine. I have one guy friend in particular who is the perfect model to keeping the lines of communication open after divorce. We talk quite often( well he does the most talking 💙) and he's always on the move to either see his kids or pick them up. I commend him quite often because dads are given the raw end of the deal. 

Today my Loves, let's find it in our hearts to forgive ourselves for some of the decisions we've made. As we forgive ourselves, let's then find ways to see the positive in our children's fathers( or mothers for my male subscribers). It's not always easy but it's possible. Our children's attitudes will be a reflection of our feelings and emotions. We grow wiser and stronger daily, let's pass that trait to our children.. 

Signed, 

I'm better because I'm NOT bitter 

I'm just his Mom...

This week has been an emotional roller coaster for me.. I'm raising my son alone. Although this was never in the plan; life is such, full of unexpected changes. And what do we do? Make adjustments and keep pushing. 

It was easy when my daughter was this age. Why wouldn't it be? I'm a female to. Simple things made her happy. But with my son? It's never simple! Lol

Together, we've ( the 2 of us) mastered potty training, learning to spell his name, his birthday, colors, shapes and numbers. The funniest is his distinction between today clothes and tonight clothes( his night clothes). He'll wake up and say, "Mommy I need my today clothes" and he'll proceed with grabbing what he sees fit to wear for the day. Some days he grabs shorts and if you see us in public and he has on shorts, just know it was a battle and he won! Lol

But it's more complex than that. We'll soon tackle the task of bike riding. And although I would love for his father to teach him, I'm going to put on my cape and the 2 of us will accomplish it. 

I've shed more than a few tears this week but it's just nature's way of helping me grow so that I can continue STRONG in this role of being a single parent( for both boychild and girlchild). 

Tears are good, they cleanse us of any toxins we do NOT need. I'm cleansing my soul this week. Decluttering my mind and keeping it moving. 

Today, this blog is for my Single Moms and Single Dads. The road is never easy. We go above and beyond for our children and sometimes we forgot that we must live too. We must find the balance between parenting and having a social life. It's so easy to consume ourselves in parenting that we forget we exist as a person. I challenge each of you, take a moment for yourself and breathe. Enjoy some quiet time. Take a moment or 2 just for YOU. Embrace friends in similar situations and grow together. We're only as strong as the circle holding us up. 

I'm Cheneka. A Lover, a friend, a Listener, nurturer and Giver. They all help me to be a great Momm. But before I was a Momm I was ME, today my lovies, Be YOU. We existed before parenthood and we must continue to exist through it... 

Signed, 

Loving Myself and ALL my Single Parents 2