Do It Again

Sometimes I feel I'm a very great listener and sometimes, I find myself getting to involved in what I'm listening too that I share about me.

A sisterfriend called yesterday just to vent. I listened intently. At the end of the conversation she asked, " Nek what would you do if you were me"? ( insert sound of skreaching brakes with an abrupt halt) Why me? I thought out loud( so loud that she says) because it seems like you have it together... Oh( while becoming humbled and eyes filling with water) " I don't have it together and some days I so wish I did". 

Her:But Nek, I never see you cry.

Me: you probably won't because I chose to do it behind closed doors in the comfort of my own home. Do people bring me to that point? Oh yes, but I can't let them see me break. 

Her: so is crying a weakness?

Me: of course not. It's a cleanse, well for me anyways. But I chose to cry in my secret place because if to many people see you cry or hear that faint tremble in your voice, it's a wrap. 

Her: well yelling is my thing and when I feel like someone is coming for me, I tend to eleviate my voice. 

Me: that used to be me but it's in that moment you kill them with your level headed reaction. I always think, how would my children respond if they see mommy acting a fool. 

Her: I've let so many people walk over me that sometimes I feel they already have the advantage. 

Me: You will soon become tired of being a doormat and at a disadvantage. But YOU have to become tired. YOU have to decide that you matter and that you're just as important. Your words matter, your feelings matter and so do your thoughts. Practice using the word I and speaking in the form of I, it will do wonders for your self esteem. Learn to just worry about you because at the end of the day, you cannot speak for anyone else. 

Her: see!! See what I mean. You have it together. 

Me: I don't, I promise. I've just lived a little, cried a lot and learned that each day is a fresh new slate and the chance for me to do it again just better... 

Signed,

Get up & Do it Again