15 years later....

Normally, I get thru it. My day is filled with being a mommy, KISS and countless other little people, that I'm not effected anymore. But for some reason, yesterday was extremely hard. On this day( 8/25/2000), I along with then boyfriend Raemone( yup, Chelia's twin) made a decision that forever bonded/ changed us. I was pregnant, with my 1st child Davhon Raemone. I remember everyday leading up to 8/25 so vividly. I had the most awesomEST midwife in the world Catherine Walker. Gosh she was amazing( to this day I still send her cards because she later became my friend and she helped me to deliver Chelia). I had gone in for a routine appointment. But something wasn't right. We were looking at the ultrasound and she called in a doctor. The words that flowed from her mouth I don't remember, I do remember, " Cheneka your baby is very, very sick". He was diagnosed with Congenital Heart disease failure. One of his arteries did not properly form. I remember Catherine saying, " on a scale of 1 to 10, his survival rate is extremely low. He will have immediate surgery upon delivery".. All I could say was, "What do you mean sick"? I let out a scream that felt like my whole world was going to end. Because it was such a routine appointment, I had gone alone. All I remember was going into this big conference room, calling my aunt and his father. I don't remember how I got home or anything after that. 

Completely numb...

That was a Tuesday. That Thursday night I went to church for prayer and to hear from God. My heart and mind were at Peace. But it hurt so bad. At that time, we felt that was the BEST decision for our child.  That Friday, I was admitted into the hospital to deliver my son, Davhon Raemone Hobbs-Johnson. We were surrounded with lots of Love on that day. His father did not leave my side( even on yesterday, though we're miles apart we checked in on each other), while I was in labor. 

The day progressed and it was soon night. I had this very uncomfortable feeling and the urge to pee. With assistance, I gathered myself and went to the bathroom. Who knew I was actually about to push my baby boy out. My midwife and doctors on call ran into the room. From what I was told and from the pictures I have, he was my complexion and looked a lot like me. He was weighed a little over a pound and a 1/2. 

I've learned to cope with this day and the tears that fall. My only regret was that I did not hold him. My mindset at that time was, " how can I hold him if I could not bring him home with me". Our families held him and kissed him and his dad walked him down to the mortuary. 

We later had him cremated and my midwife delivered the pictures, the measuring tape used to measure him and his footprints. 

I had started a journal to write to him and up until the 20th of August, I wrote daily. Yesterday I sat and read some of the old entries. I was never able to get to know him but the memories I have of carrying him will forever stay with me.. 

Today my lovies, never second guess yourself or the decisions you have to make as a parent. Some decisions will be easy peasy. Some will make us cry but at the end of the day You do what's right. 15 years later, the only thing I would do differently is hug him and say, "Mommy Loves You"... 

Signed, 

Always Your Momm

 

This New Routine...

I've had the joys of being a Business Owner for almost 4 years now. Because of this, I do NOT have to sit in morning traffic. Oh how the tables have turned.. 

My son started school on Monday and for the 1st time, I was apart of the morning commute. Listen... When I tell you I wasn't ready?! It felt like my heart was going to literally jump out of my chest. I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack.. 

Whew.. All I could think of were my clients and the countless other drivers on the road trying to get to their destination. 

I've lived in Georgia for 6 years now( this November) and I've never EVER sat in morning traffic. It takes 10 mins to get to my son's school but close to 40mins just to get back down the road. Are You Serious?!! 

Today my Lovies, I challenge you to learn the importance of: being patient, leaving earlier or just smiling while sitting there. It could be worse. 

Signed, 

Adjusting My Schedule 

Be Unique

I love my daughter. Some days I do not understand her style but as long as she like it I LOVE it. 

One Sunday a month she has to wear a dress or a skirt. Last Sunday was rough. After 4 attempts at getting dressed, she came out in the outfit pictured above. 

My first impression was, "the hell" but I did not want to kill her vibe. I took a moment and looked at her thru her eyes. An 11 year old middle school girl, finding herself, paving her own way in the fashion lane and being happy in her skin. Her outfit then became super cute and I loved the way she added the belt and it matched her boots. 

I guess I should now start to accept her style, it's only going to evolve more as she grows into her own person. 

My loves, I challenge you to accept your children and all the things you may not understand during their growth process. Help them to embrace it and they will be strong and confident in their skin. 

Baby girl, you Rocked this look. 

Signed, 

I'm Rocking with my baby girl 

I don't want your Money..

Growing up, my brothers' friends were always at our house. I think we were the convient house of the neighborhood. Right across from the Community Center and everyone called my mother "Ma". 

As I became a little social bug, my friends also started to hang out at my house. I never understood why my mother never said "No", until I became a mother. 

I believe what we give may not come back directly to us in our lifetime but if we sow into good ground, our off spring will reap from the harvest. 

I'm the neighborhood mom that if someone is acting up at the bus stop, I'll get them together really quick. Last year we had crazy winter weather. I would be the mom to load the kids in my truck and drop them off at my daughter's school.  

I guess one would say I'm in the right business of serving Families( especially single parents, they have a special place in my heart). But I look at it this way, what I put out in the universe will benefit my children. 

I've learned to not always expect something in return but to genuinely give of my time however I can. 

This month alone, at least 6 of my friends have prepared their daughters to move into college. One in particular is veryyyyyy far from home ( but Aunti Nek got her covered). I've watched their moms cry and the dads say hey I'm just a phone call, drive or flight away. While the girls are ready to start new chapters in their new found independence, the challenge for the parents have now become, how will my child adapt to life without me( yup you read right lol).. 

I believe this is where what we've given to the world will now return to our children. I've committed to my friends and their daughters to be readily available to them. No, I cannot take the place of mom but if you need a home cooked meal, a visit to the mall or hair salon or just in need of a motherly figure, "I got you". We're only as strong as the village we help to build. 

Today my lovies, if you're a parent I challenge you to trust that what you've given to the universe will now give to your children. What you have sown may not be for you but a plenteous harvest for your children. I'm excited for all of our children's futures because I have some amazing people in my village. 

Signed, 

I Give because I Care