I WAS her..Afraid...

I breathed to be excepted,
Wanted to know and understand what it meant to be loved unconditionally..

See, I was her..
Born to a teenage mother and father..
Born out of wedlock and my birth seemed to have caused more hurt than good...

I was her,
Never quite understood what it meant to have both parents because my home was broken..

I was her,
Did alot of stupid things to gain acceptance..

As I grew older, I learned that true exceptance comes from God..
I knew without a doubt that my Mother's love was unconditional...
She loved me thru my rights, wrongs, screw ups and successes...
She loved me when I went in the bathroom and cut my hair
And she supported me thru the loss of my 1st child...

But, that just didn't seem enough..
So, I became involved with a guy at a very young age..
And because we were young and both products of "Dysfunctional Families", in time we outgrew each other.. And that was okay

My growth,
Didnt come in the form of thinking I was better than anyone,
It came in the form of time to stand on my own and experience more than what Boston had to offer...

Ever felt like what you have growing inside your belly, or head is to big for some ppl in your circle to grasp?

Well, that was me..
I was ready to fly, ready to soar and take off...
But, I still had to hop before I could fly..

My wings took form in September of 2009...
My heart was ready, my soul was released and I knew my Ship had finally sailed in..
It's one thing to say I'm leaving, but its a pure satisfaction you achieve when you finally make the move..

I had to loose some things in order to prepare for this trip,
and I did..
I had to shed some tears and cut some strings in order to prepare for this trip,
and I did..
I had to say some hard goodbyes and leave some relationships unresolved in order to prepare for this trip,
and I did..

I WAS her!!!
Afraid of what tomorrow and the unknown held until I had the strength and courage to spread my wings and FLY...

I hold no regrets, I hold no grudges, I hold no animosity...
I exuberate LOVE, PEACE and CHANGE..

I know what it is to dReam, and watch dReams become a reality..
I WAS her,
looking out of my own soul while others dictated my moves...

I WAS her,
Afraid to be me~

I now LOVE and APPRECIATE who and what I've become..
LIfe has its up and downs,
Surprises and Disappointments,
BUT WE control what we allow to affect and move us...

Today,
I'm moved my the love of GOD and just being me..
Because,
I WAS her~
Afraid...

In DEFENSE of my Attitude

I don't have to tolerare BS,
See, you think because I've dealt with you for so long,
This: Us,

Is all I aspire to have,

My attitude is defined by by
the inconsistencies and lies,

It's justified by your unwillingness to sacrafice and be true:
To thine OWN self..

You can't catergorize me with the others you've encountered and put me into a box..
I stand out, Made stronger than you could ever imagine,
And because of that,
YOU shall RESPECT me or deal with my attitude which is defined by my MATURING..

So, call it being an ANGRY black woman,
That I AM NOT;
Neither am I the other woman!!

I'm just a WOMAN,
who has no desire to feel small or unappreciated.

I'm a woman,
Learning to go after what and who I want by any means necessary.

I'm a woman,
Who at times, may carry traits that seem a bit extra to you,
But, to me:
I'm protecting my heart and soul.

I'm a flower in bloom,
With the potential to sit amongst some of the prettiest bouquets and still stand out..

So, in defense of this attitude that you may think I carry like a badge of honor,
And in defense of the words you may choose to describe me...

Remember,
I'm your Mother,
I'm your Sister,
I'm your niece and even best female friend...
I'm the woman who can sign your paycheck and in the same breath tell you,
Your services are no longer needed..

This is the attitude of women,
Who raise children alone,
Who put themselves thru college,
Who make ends meet,
Who even at times have to walk to job interviews in the rain only to be turned AWAY..

HMPH.....
This attitude is defended by...
Not being made to feel as #1,
But YET;
Still kept a smile on my face..
This attitude is defined by these famous lines,
"It's not you its me..Give me time and we'll make it work..
Wait, Watch and you'll see..
Oh please!!

I've learned and I'm still learning what it is to do and be ME~

See, to YOU I may NOT be the prettiest woman,
BUT, my attitude of striving and perserverance will take me far..

So, this image, blinded by perception of what YOU and OTHERS might see ME as:

Is NOTHING
If 1st,
You don't know me!!

Truth Is......

"In life, we will meet more people who are against us than for us.... So where does that leave you"


If you listen carefully, everyone has a remedy or solution for all of our problems...
Are their thoughts and words always the truth? I'm learning, in life we will always encounter someone who feels they are better.

Truth is, to some extinct we are better than our counterparts( my own theory)reason being, we each have own own spin or ideas shall I say. We may not come up with them the same way, but if we were to perform the jog whole heartedly, it will yield awesome results...

Truth is, I LOVE to write... Some days I write phenemonal pieces, some days from the heart, some days others can relate and some days a piece I just needed to get off my chest. There are so many other writers in the world. Do I knock what they do? NEVER!! What makes each of us unique, is that we each obtain a "SWAG", "STYLE" and "CHARACTER" that fits our personality. I would be 100 percent wrong to judge another person's piece bc I didnt have the idea 1st...

I said that to say.. We all are blessed with talents. God gives each of us something that He knows we could excel at. I'm a wonderful Teacher and Youth Director... Would I try and challenge someone who has ran a Center for umpteen years? Probably not, but would I challenge someone directly in my field? Yes, if it were to yield results that would enhance the work that we do.

Truth is, we all need to realize our places and positions and work within those realms.
I had a conversation with a person who has no children. She seemed to know everything and for the most part, alot of what she said made great sense. However, when it came to the simple tasks like purchasing diapers, doing homework, packing lunch and getting a child ready for school early in the am, she had no clue. We have to pick and choose our battles. Some we will lose and trust me, some we will win..

We will only obtain those victories when we allow the truth to resignate and shine thru in our work...

There are somethings I can do better and there are somethings you can too..
Who are we to challenge who and what you know??

Truth is.... I'm hlad only God can judge me because people will surely crucify us!!

Glad to be me, I can't live as or be anyone else, other than who God ordained me to be!!

Gotta Leave, Gotta Let Go..

Sometimes in life, we make decisions in such a haste that it causes a lifetime of hurt. It leaves us to wonder was that the best choice and can I live with this forever...
As time progress, the pain subsides but the thoughts of that person or object still remain...

Sometimes we, Gotta Leave, Gotta Let Go

The pain is there and its surreal...
I can no longer feel, be touched or loved by you...
Its taking a toll on my thoughts and blocking my heart,
I cant keep living in the Past,
I Gotta Leave, I Gotta Let Go.

I Thought we could be friends and have a sense of Cordial"NESS"
But it only causes more pain....
Just when you think you've let go, and you're ready to move on,
Here comes a memory, a Scent or a hearty laugh: a reminder of what once was and can no longer Be
I'm READY for Love,
To be engulfed in a New Happiness:
But my feet are heavy
But I know.. I Gotta Leave, I Gotta Let go..
My heart smiles each day as an old layer is removed and a new one forms...
I'm reminded what it is to be a BEAUTIFUL woman and I know this I can do..
I can move on and began the next chapter in my life
I have a LOVE for all things and they start and end with ME...
Starting a family, starting over and properly loving God because thru him I can love ME.
A second chance at love has arrived and the door of possibilities are wide open...
I look down and tell my feet MOVE,
I look at the mirror and glance at the woman looking at me: ME and I say let's GO
I open my mouth and I breathe in the new scent and the new world of Life that waits me
I look to Heaven and I ask God is this real?

I see the sky brighten, the sun shining and I know its truly my time Right NOW, At this moment
To Leave and Let Go!!