Reflections...

New Color Alert!! Short & Sassy

Happy New Year Gals and Guys,


I hope your 2018 has started off on a good foot. Do not lose your momentum, keep going. The prize awaits and you cannot get it by becoming discouraged..


It's been a while since I've shared some of my inner most thoughts. I figured, why not today? The truth is, life is hard. And if you don't pay attention, it happens extremely fast. You'll look up and find that you've wasted so much time and have nothing to show for it( personally or spiritually). You're judgement will become frazzled and you'll start questioning yourself and decisions you've made.

I promised myself for 2018, to be absolutely honest with myself, about my truths and walk with God. 

For starters, the last quarter of 2017 was the worst. My grandfather died, I relocated and cancer took the life of a very special little girl that I cared for. Not to mention all of the other "STUFF"  associated with living. My eyes were opened to people but they TRULY opened when it came to examining myself.. I was living but I wasn't living. I was consumed with being a good mother, keeping bills paid and ignoring who I KNOW I was called and destined to be. You ever have that feeling like, " There has to be more" and while feeling there's more, you're smiling and celebrating others walking into their more and then there's you? No, seriously...

The decision to leave Georgia was somewhat bittersweet. I didn't see it in the midst of packing and crying because I was still trying to compromise. If I do this, I can then do this and this will happen. But it was bigger than me compromising. It was bigger than being angry at the situation. It was the turning point of a new level of learning and grace that I needed to experience.

The death of my grandfather still truly hasn't hit me and I honestly don't think it ever will. My grandfather was an amazing man. And although he was my grandfather, it wasn't until the last year or 2  of his life, that we began to talk more. Now don't get me wrong, Spiritually he was absolutely the best but personally we lacked in the bonding area. In March of 2017, I went back home for business purposes. I had made arrangements to stay at a hotel but something inside of me screamed, " Cheneka stay with your grandparents".. I'm glad I listened to that voice. A few short months later my grandfather transitioned. I knew in March, he wouldn't be around much longer and I'm forever grateful for those 2 days I spent with him and my grandmother. We ate the best Chinese food and every night while there he and I talked. The 1st night we talked until we both became tired. He said, " Are you sleepy", I responded "YES". He said I was waiting for you to get tired so we both could go to sleep. We laughed, I kissed him and walked into my bedroom. The next night we talked about life, my dreams, my kids and plans for the future. As I type now, tears are falling. Not because I'm sad but because I made a decision that allows me to sleep peacefully at night. Had I not stayed there, I'd be an absolute mess.  

Death is the reminder that all things do not last forever. However, memories do.  I'll forever, hold my grandfather close. 

The more we live, we learn. The more we learn, we're better equipped to make sound decisions. Life will have you feeling like you've failed. It'll even make you question decisions you make. Trust me, always be honest with yourself about everything. You know your truth and you need to live it and walk in it daily. 

The 1st few weeks in Alabama were a complete drag. I was busy working and volunteering and as much as I hated it, my soul needed it. The thing about being a Single Mom, Alpha Woman; to some degree you have to always be in control and know what's going to happen next. My first few weeks, I had no idea of what would happen next. I ws just living. Truth is, I wasn'y just living. I was resting. Not in bed, eyes closed resting. I was emotionally, spiritually and financially resting.  Few people truly understand the weight mothers carry when you're single. It's not always easy. Ive said it before, there's nothing like a mother's love. And even at the age of 38( 39 in a few weeks) being here with my Mother has been nothing but absolutely love. Yes, she cooks alot of red meat( which we do not eat.. Smile Mom) but just being under the same roof with her has been what I've needed. I'm thankful.

Decemeber, was another blow. Most of you may or may not know, I ran a very successful Nanny/Sitter Service in Atlanta ( KISS, Kid Inspired Sitter Services, thinking about launching an Alabama KISS, stay tuned). I was afforded the opportunity to care for the Kwon twin girls, Sareon and Diem. Sareon and Diem were diagnosed with Autism a year into recieving KISS services. Mom and Dad always kept me in the loop and we were always coming up with plans on how to help the girls. I'll forever be grateful that they trusted me enough to care for them. June 2017, Diem was diagnosed with childhood cancer. I visited her shortly after he 1st surgery. My heart ached. That was my baby too, laying in the bed at Atlanta Children's hospital. We continued to check in with updates. I'll forever, respect their mom Aloni to the highest regard because she always kept me informed. The night before Diem took her last breath, I was able to talk with them and see that pretty face. I'll never erase from my memory her mom saying, "Our baby is dying"... Diem died, Christmas Eve morning, 8:45 am. Rest peaceful Diem Monroe Kwon, age 5. 

Motherhood, not the easiet task but someone has to do it...

As January comes to an end and February awaits, next month I will turn 39!! Where is time going? I remember turning 18, 21 ( losing my 1st child), 25 (awaiting the birth of Chelia the following month), 30 and celebrating with  the guy I loved and wanted to marry.. Milestone ages and memories. What will 39 bring?

As I reflect, I also I look forward to the future with anticipation and readiness. I'm ready for all the good that will come my way. On December 31st, i put into the atmosphere marriage.. I've been single for over 4 years. Come on Jesus and do it for the kid( if it's your will).. and if not, I'll keep on living,  striving and becoming.. 

The Saga continues..

Signed,
Simply Cheneka