And yet I'm THANKFUL...

I'm sitting here blogging( go figure)!! I'm going over my life this year, I welcomed a new little one into my family( my son Matthew Ashton), I left my job and started my own business( KISS, Kid Inspired Sitter Services). I shed some tears, shared some smiles.. Lost a few aquaintances along the way and gained some TRUE friends & Love has found me after I decided to stop searching. I've found my HAPPY. My Confidence has soared to new heights. I believe I've accomplished alot with room to keep growing.

I've come to appreciate my circle and my family has become my strongest support. Have you ever just sat, looked and said "Thank-You"??

I'm THANKFULL( yep, full) for God loving me unconditionally
I'm thankful for life
I'm thankful for my family
I'm thankful for my hardships, they taught me what I can and can't bare
I'm thankful for trials, because they make the journey easy
I'm thankful for No's, because they help me to appreciate and cherish the Yes'
I'm thankful for all the doors that have been closed, they made room for the ones I'm walking thru now..

If anyone would've ever told me how my life would be at 32, I would've never believed them. But, I'm thankful that I've been here to witness it and live thru it. 33 has so much more to offer, and if God see fit to let me live, "World, you ain't seen NOTHING yet"...

"Nobody told me the road would be Easy, I don't believe HE bought me this far to leave ME"

Giving from the Heart...

" Young lady, you really made my day today.. I'm going to cherish this card forever. Thank-You and please come back.. I love You"...

During the last 3 weeks, the children and families who make up KISS have been making and collecting cards to distribute to various Senior assisted Living facilities. Well, today was the big day!!! Some very special little girls and I loaded up and distributed over 100 plus cards to some very awesome men and women.

To see the faces of both the kids and the seniors warmed my heart. The Seniors were so happy, some said they couldn't wait to get back to their rooms to put their cards up. Some even asked could they have 2 cards!!

As we gave the cards out, I stood back and watched the girls interact with the seniors. They were asking, what were their names, how old were they, what schools they go to etc.. I just smiled. You know how you get that lump in your chest when something just feels so right that you want to cry? Yep, I had that feeling today.

As we walked back to the truck, I asked the girls how were they feeling? My daughter replied, I feel great Mommy and my "niece" other little one responded," Ms. Neka I feel like I'm making a difference".. That was my reminder that this is what it's all about.

As we drove to our next location, I listened to the girls as they talked and my daughter said, " my grandparents are old but they don't live in a place where nobody goes to visit them". Her friend replied, " Yeah, because you all love them". I thought to myself, "Wow".

We arrived to our next location and the receptionist at the front desk actually cried as I introduced myself and the young girls to her. The seniors at this location were amazing and spunky!!! They were happy to take pictures. They were in the dining hall having Christmas Eve lunch. They didn't want us to leave and they made me promise to come back and visit them again. I told them we would for Valentine's Day...

Alot of us have become consumed with purchasing the perfect gift. This year was the 1st time I've been touched in this manner. I amaze myself daily. The old Neka has surely become more appreciative over the last 5 years and today was a definite reminder that it doesn't cost to smile.

So, today I challenge each of you to make someone smile. It's not about the dollar you spend but your TIME!!!

Merry Christmas All!!!

It's not what YOU get but what U give...

When you walk into my house, the first thing you see is our Christmas tree. It's huge and we actually have a real one this year. One of my clients, donated it to us( what a blessing because I was surely about to pull that fake one out the closet).. The entire corner is full of gifts. This year, I didn't have to spend alot of money because my daughter's Nana( she's close to 80), her grandma and great aunt sent me cash to do ALL of her shopping. I was beyond thankful. Around black friday, I always budget out what I'm going to spend. now that I have 2 children, I'm a tad bit more mindful.I must admit, I had no idea or clue as to what to get my son but I think I did alright.. lol

As Christmas approaches, my children are receiving more gifts in the mail( from family members far and near). Reality hit when my daughter said, 'Mommy I would get you a gift but I would have to ask you for some money and I know you already spent enough money"..
From the mouths of babes I tell ya.

So, lastnite my business KISS was able to sponsor a family alongside my sister girl( Author Lina Banks, "How to Save a Life") in collaboration with Five Eights. While in Walmart picking up various things that were on the list, some players from the Atl Hawks were inside as well with over 50+ kids they too had sponsored. As Lina and I walked through out Walmart, it was evident the spirit of Giving Back was in the air. I said to her, " Lina this is what it's all about". A feeling of calm rested over me soul. It took my mind back to when my brothers and I were younger and people would give us extra things just because my mother was a single parent.

I must openly admit, I really wasn't in the mode to buy this year. With having started a business, it's not as easy as people think it is. It doesn't mean I always have money because I don't. But, I have lots of time and energy to give to parents on the go that just may need a little break.

I'm slowly grasping the meaning of Christmas on my terms. Yes, I will buy a few gifts because its just what you do.. BUT, my efforts will now be to give a little extra to someone else. Yes, I would love to open a gift or two but if I can't I'm okay with it. I want the children to be happy. I picture little sweet baby Jesus laying in a manger. All of the inns were full and the only place able to provide space was the animal stable.
I'm already dreading my 2 possibly having to share a room for a little while so just imagine your newborn being in a stabl with ANIMALS??!!
I can just imagine how Mary was feeling. If she's anything like women today, she was a bit vexed that she had to give birth in a stable. But, deep down she was appreciative. I mean, I would've been feeling some kind of way but once those labor pains kick in, all you really want to do is get that baby OUT!!!! LOL I definitely would've opened my doors, heart and home to sweet little baby Jesus.

My home is a safe haven for anyone in need. I don't have much but what God has BLESSED me with I'm willing to share with someone else. It's a great feeling to be in a place to make others smile and to ME, thats what its ALL about.

So, I've already given myself the peep talk, " Nek, it's not about you but your babies and the wonderful KISS babies you serve".

Make it a gReat Christmas everyone. Look beyond the gifts and find a meaning worth sharing!!!

It's Not wrapped BUT I'll take it...

.."And your gifts shall make room for you".. Proverbs 18:16


I love my children. They make me cry, they make me smile. It's a mandate upon me to raise them to be GOD fearing individuals with a relationship with God, Me, their Dads and families. Since my children do not share the same father, I thought it would be hard explaining to my daughter( she's older)the difference but she understands more than expected at her age.

This holidays Season has been truly amazing thus far. This past Sunday, My Pastor said, " This will be your BEST Christmas yet"( He also said this last year and it was).

My daughter's grandmothers, great Aunt and her grandfather have shown so much love towards my son that my heart is overwhelmed. You know, sometimes, extended families only care about the child or children that are related to them. And, with being a stepchild, I totally understand that stance and respect it... As I've grown and matured in "Mommyhood", I've learned to separate my experiences and help my children live through theirs unbiased. It's easy to put yourself in their shoes when you feel like you have to go into protective Lioness mode.

I consider myself to be a good person, I'm caring and I go above and beyond when the situation warrants my involvement. I LOVE children, love them so much I started a business to help parents with theirs!!( Crazy huh) Growing up, my mom was a single parent, leaving my brothers and I to spend time at the community center and with aunts and uncles( and sometimes NOT blood ones). They helped to nurture us, they cared and gave of their time to us. Because of their care, I care. Someone took time with and for ME. so, I give back. I was their gift and I'm now sharing that gift!!!

When I think of gifts, blessings and favor: I have to remind myself that sometimes I won't directly recieve them but it will trinkle down to my children. My children are both so LOVED and to me, that's more than any gift, any toy or article of clothing money could buy.

1+1 definitely = 2 but love mulitplied 100 times over is what matters the most. It's not always the store bought gifts but the ones from that heart that we'll take and cherish the most!!

Simplicity..

Simplicity

Im the epitome of a normal Woman.
Never understood the joys of being a daughter until I became a mother,
.
Never understood the importance of Motherhood, until I looked into the eyes of my children and heard the words "Mommy"
My children are my life, without me there is no them.. without them my smiles are few

I never understood the importance of being a sister until I became an Aunt & other women revealed they look up to me.


Simplicity,
It's not being at every event happening in your area,
Nor running behind people who will never acknowledge you..

Simplicity,
Is taking 50cent and adding to it til you have a $,
It's understanding that life has snarls and tears, Ups and Downs..

Simplicity,
Is understanding,
I may not have my name on billboards or in flashing lights.

But,
My LIFE is simple and it works for me.

I will make a difference
BECAUSE,
I am the difference..

My Normal"ness", will win the hearts of everyday people because
I live what they live and I understand their plight..

Simplicity:
Be Loving
Be normal
Be True
Be YOU!!!

Mic Check, is this thing On~~~~

So, Friday my daughter came home super excited about their penguin egg project. Weekend homework consisted of decorating a box, bag etc, to house your egg for the entire week!! WHAT??!!

My daughter barely cleans her bedroom without her arms getting tired or her getting tired( where does that happen, its your mess you clean it). So, I watched her with anticipation prepare this egg living space. She was beyond excited. Took one of MY shoe boxes to give to an EGG??!! Really?! Bump..

I love seeing the excitement in my daughter's eyes. She's very determined and she's growing into her own. I'm learning that each child is different and they require to be treated as such. I'm also learning that,I have to watch what I do and say in her presence. Prime example, I have a BAD habit of hanging up when people put me on hold. I was talking to my mother on Saturday and she asked me to hold on. I didn't. My daughter says to me," grandma put u on hold huh"? I said yes why. Because you hung up. She then proceeded to say, so it's okay for you to hang up on them mommy but you want them to hold on for you? I just looked. Then she said, but if they hang up on you is that's okay because they are only doing what you do? I had to kinda try and laugh it off but she checked me and she was right. so, I called my mother back and apologized. This was NOT the fist time she observed something I did and later questioned me on it.

I'm working really hard at raising well rounded children. So if it means I have to continously CHECK myself so she won't have to question a not so positive adult like action then I will. If it means, checking my attitude, smiling more, saying NO more and being stern about it, then I will.

Now, back to this egg thing.... The eggs come home today and I will not be a GrandeggMommy.. This is a school project and will be treated as such. Hmmm, she think cleaning her room is enough, wait til I have her bring that egg in the bathroom with her because she need to keep it in HER eye sight!!!!! Hahahahahahahahahhaaaaaa

are YOU hearing Me?

I honestly believe I have selective hearing. It's probably not a good thing to admit but it is a TRUTH. I have a habit of hearing what I think I heard, and RUNNING with it. Don't get me wrong, I listen intently but sometimes, INTENTIONALLY I just don't hear you. I've become a pro at blocking out what I feel isn't good for me, while what's good, its take a minute to register so it placed into the reserved listening part of my brain( don't laugh or judge, we ALL have it, for some its laying dormant).

I've recently experienced an "Aha" moment. When I first moved to Atl, I was speaking to my grandparents on a more consistent bases. Just to check in and share and keep the line of communication open. One of the most vivid conversations, was when I was sharing with my grandparents, my relationship with god and how I had to move from what was comfortable and step out into my destiny. We were sharing scriptures back and forth and my grandfather( who is a Bishop) asked about my line of work. I told him I was working at a school and still writing grants for non-profits. He spoke to me that," I hadn't seen anything yet and that people are gong to come to me asking me my prices and NOT to sell myself short. That the amount I speak, will determine how I value myself and my work. At that moment, I responded "Yes, Lord". He also gave me to read 1 Corinthians chapter 2 verses 9-15..(But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that LOVE him....)He told me his message that Sunday was" God had a word" and that the words he shared with me were words from the Lord for ME.

Let's fast forward 2 years later. I'm now a BUSINESS Owner! Yep, stepped out on Faith and decided my work was more than what I was being paid hourly. It's not happening over night but clientele is steadily building and KISS( kid inspired sitter services) is becoming a household name. As the parents give to me, I'm giving back to them and others.

But, the most shocking call came this past Friday. I was settling the KISS babies and my hair stylist called me. Hey Baby momma( she says my son is hers too), you busy? I responded no.. She cut right to the chase," Neka I need you to do marketing for my salon, come up with some ideas, etc,etc... I've set aside a budget, let ME know what YOU charge( AHA, that conversation I had with my grandfather)and let's make In The Now Hair Studio POP"!!!

I can't even began to tell you all how I felt at that moment! How stoked I was and how the tears began to stream... Now, my gifts are making room for little ole me.. The high places are coming down, falling into my hands and I'm using it to my glory and benefit.

I joke alot and I may even say some off the wall stuff(I'm a work in progress) BUT my relationship with God is real and sincere. I've been blessed in more ways than one... So, while my hearing is selective: Those words came back to remembrance for this time in my Life...

I challenge all of you who will read this post to just LISTEN... Even if it's not fitting your life at the moment, but those words in that reserved hearing box and go back to it at a later date. I'me sure there'll be some relevance!

so Yes GOD I hear you speaking to me in regards to my life. I see the provisions YOU are making and I thank YOU.. My motto has become, " I want to leave my children a LEGACY and not debt" and slowly but surely its going to come to pass and blow my MIND....

you Ain't GROWN..... or ARE YOU??

"You have voted America, tonite XFactor will be saying good-bye to Rachel Crowe"... Lawd Jesus, that baby broke down crying and in pain. "You promised Mommy you promised"...


How many times do we make promises to our children and for some unforeseen reason we are not able to follow thru? Because our children are not grown, they are not able to fully comprehend what's going on.. I know for a fact, everyday I sacrifice for my children. I'm a recent SAHM/Business Owner. I was working a job where it cost more for my children to be there than the actual money I enjoyed from working. A decision had to be made and FAST... I knew I was going to seek new employment but I did not know I was going to go from punching in for someone else to punching in for MYSELF.. A dReam became a though, a thought was put into action, thus producing KISS( Kid Inspired Sitter Services, check us out on FB for more details).

My children will never understand the choices and decisions that are made to keep them smiling. I used to spend money on myself daily, just because. I wanted those shoes, "Charge it", I wanted to get my hair done: booked an appointment( weekly at that), wanted a Gucci Bag: took MYSELF to Copley Plaza and got one( and not always sale ones either).. Now, my spending choices are more thought out. I have two little people with needs, so now trips to the salon are twice a month, high retail bags are purchased twice a year and buying for MYSELF has resulted to "sale racks".. To me, its called," making grown up decisions so my children won't have to take care of my debt".

Lastnite's episode of XFactor broke my heart. I laughed at alot of my friend's on FB statuses.. We all had something comedic to say but ultimately, Rachel was/is a 13 year old baby, who took a shot at singing her little heart out for her own bathroom, to be shot down by America's votes and lack of voting. Her childhood was put on the back burner while she went up against 60 year old LeRoy and Melanie Amaro, who was not able to see her Madda and Fadda.

We all have stories, we all come from something that's made us stronger and someone who counted us out. My point is, being grown for some is a situation forced upon them because they made decisions as children that were out of their leagues, while others mature into the position and play it well. We cannot put a 5 year old ( these days anyway) into the kitchen and have them assist us with preparing for tonite's dinner. Children these days are forced to be more than what's required at such a young age. I vow to keep my little people LITTLE for as long as time allows. My daughter will play with American Girls, til she can't( not won't)anymore. My son, will enjoy race tracks and blocks til he's able to use a computer. KIDS are to be KIDS and until we take back our rightful spots as parents and NOT friends, superiors and NOT equals; we will have to remind them that, "you ain't Grown", now go sit DOWN....

" Stay in your lane, know your League, a child is a child so don't compete with me" Baby I'M GROWN( does running man but not by choice) LOL

One of those Days...

I've been trying to come up with something to elaborate on all am.. I now have a headache because rather than taking the advice that was given, I just kept trying to type something. But, sometimes when the words are not there, maybe just maybe use that as a sign that you're human and its okay not to have anything to say...

So unlike me though and it's killing me.
Nek has nothing to say
Nek has nothing to say
Nek has nothing to say... Uggghhhhh, this can't be...

It's not even that I don't want to be bothered either! All of my KISS babies are happy and smiling. Most of my bills are paid, my hands are moving, I was able to walk down the hall, woke up late but baby girl still made it to her bus. I opened the freezer and took something out for dinner, I have a cabinet full of various juices I CANNOT drink because I'm drinking more water and less fattening stuff so I can get rid of this BELLY FAT..

I was able to look with my own eyes and pick out something to wear( although it seems I didn't take alot of time doing so bc I don't match).. I've been able to laugh and shared a hug with a friend who lost a family member( which by the way, it made me feel good)

My mind isn't drawing a blank either.. I guess, this is just some set aside time to just reflect..

I'm reflecting on my year. I gave birth to a beautiful little boy who's added life to my daughter and I, My daughter had all A's on her report card and completed a wonderful cheer season, I went from having a job where I clocked in, to working for myself and helping single moms, I'm so close to celebrating my mom's 50th birthday next week. And, although my family isn't perfect and my mom had to struggle alot raising my brothers and I, we still have her with us, she didn't give up and there's an ABUNDANCE of LOVE..

Wow, seems like I may not have alot to say but there's a ton to be thankful for.. As I reflect, I've made 2 years in Atl!!! Yay me!! It's been hard, still finding my path but I'm making it!!

There will be plenty of days where the words are NOT there. But in that moment sit and reflect and the thoughts will come to you and these words will leave your lips... " GOD, I'm THANKFUL"

Jesus' Birth.. Modernized Version, retold by ME~

As most of you know, I LOVE to shop! I must admit, shopping splurges are not as frequent as they used to be but they still happen!

As I rushed out early on Black Friday morning, I thought to myself, "How many of these people out here know the real meaning of Christmas"..

If we don't know the true meaning do our children really understand? I was talking to my daughter about Christmas and she asked, "Mommy, if its Jesus' birthday, why don't he get gifts"? I sat there and gave her the blank stare.. I had to make this sory come alive to her. So, I thought of what we enjoy doing MOST, "shopping" and used it as my way of bringing Jesus' birth to life..

Please, do NOT judge my retelling, I did what worked for my daughter and I..

We arrived at Perimeter Mall. One of our newest fave malls in Ga.. I had already told Li, we have a budget and we must stay within that range.. She responded, "I know mommy, you have to pay bills".. I smiled to myself, she's way older than a 6 year old and she understands.. I try my best to keep our life real in her eyes.

So, we started out in Nordstrom.. She saw boots that she liked for me and said, "Mommy, I want to buy you these".. I said really, let's see how much they are. We looked on the bottom and it said 628.00! I said, " whew, Li these are out of our range".. The look of excitement on her face changed, she was sad.. I was sad, and thought to myself, this is how Mary felt.. So, I say Li, you know the same way everything is expensive in this store, this is how Jesus' mom felt when it was time to have him. She asked,"how mommy"?
Every place turned his mommy and daddy away because they couldn't afford it.. Wow mommy, but it was Jesus, wasn't his parents rich? Not at all sweetie.. We continued thru out the mall, we passed Macy's, she asked could they afford this store? Nope, and we walked away..
We passed GAP and I shook my head no, we passed Children's Place and I shook my head no, we passed Stride Rite and I shook my head no.. There was one last place I knew we could go.. We left the mall empty handed and headed to the car.. She said, "mommy we have nothing, I told her I know but we have one last place we could go too".. We arrived at the Goodwill.. She looked at me and we walked inside. The first thing she noticed was the smell. She said "Mommy, Jesus was born in a place that smelled like this"? I responded, baby it smelled worse.. While the goodwill has very nice things( not my choice of places to shop) its second hand stuff.. It reminded me of the stable where he was born.. All types of animals lived there.. Just like the Goodwill, all types of people donate and shop there.

I explained, this was the only place that Jesus' mommy and daddy could afford to stay.. So, they took some of these nice covers that people didn't want in their houses anymore and they made a comfy space.. Like, what I use when I camp out in the living room? Yes, Li just liked that!!

Wow, mommy! I'm sad that is mommy and daddy didn't have money to have him somewhere nice.. I agreed but also told her, but bc he WAS born, we now have the choice to go to all those stores we couldn't afford.. Really mommy? Really Li, Jesus' birth is the reason we live a comfortable life...

She picked up a few books in the Goodwill and we paid for them.. We exited holding hands.. And she said, mommy I'm going to wrap these gifts for baby Jesus'.. A warm feeling overtook my body, she understands.. My baby understands!!

While we"re out trying to buy them the world, let's remember, its the simple things that matter most..

Enjoy the season, but do NOT forget that baby Jesus is the reason for the Season!!

Don't Count ME out, Just yet.....

The rule in my house is, no animals on legs that will require me to do more cleaning on top of what I already have. My daughter had a hermet crab named Sebe, but he died within 3 weeks of moving in with us. So, NOW we keep it simple and go with Beta fish. Extremely low maintenance and can go days without being feed( I'm sorry, don't call PETA).. Well, I cleaned Kandi's( ok, so we have a cousin named Cookie, so my daughter said well since Cookie is my cousin, can Kandi( from RHOA) be my Aunt.. I know, xtra) little humble living quarters on Sunday. Since, cleaning it out, she's been swimming towards the top and looking real deathly. I mean, her body was doing that death bend and she just looked lethargic( weird talk for a BETA but it's true). Lastnite I told Mooda, "looks like Kandi is on her way out", she said " I know mommy. Let's just flush her now". I said, "no, let's see what happens. Behold, Kandi is swimming like she now has a new breath of fresh air, a NEW take on life. ( True Story)

I started to think about life and how we count people out. I know people who were drug addicts. When I'm able to sit and listen to them tell their stories I'm amazed at their resiliency to survive. Family members walk out on them, society turns their noses and consider them low lives and the down trodden. Once you realize you've had enough, you find a piece of you that you lost and you FIGHT against ALL odds and come out on top.

No, I'm NOT a recovering drug addict but I've lived through and unhealthy relationship. Your eyes cannot see the negative effects until you're finally fed up and YOU're ready to make that change. If you have children, they become the voice and power you use to do better. It's a good place to find YOU and leave the mess where it is. My downfall during that unhappy place was to eat. I've never openly admitted this but I was at an all time FAT HIGH. I was wearing a 16/18 and tipping the scale at 200lbs. I was MISERABLE. One day, a light went off and I fought for ME and my daughter.

I takes alot to find your voice especially when you're fighting against the hurt, pain and people talking about your situation vs helping you. A smile can mean alot, especially when you've learned to fake it and make it.

5 years later, I'm Kandi this morning. I've fought and now I know I have the strength to fight through it. Losing it all to gain a new insight on life and BETTER relationship with GOD is a reward worth gaining all over again.

So, as Kandi lives to see a new day: As do I and all the people who have been counted out. We're down but only for a while. We carry the strength to SURVIVE against all odds!!!

" I Shall Swim to see a New Day"

My Ship has come In...

The smallest things make me happy!! When you've suffered enough hurt, you tend to appreciate the small thing.. I'm reminded of this book, Mondays with Mr.Morton( I think that's it). It's a man's personal account of meeting with an older man every Monday.

I'm not meeting with the person, but I talk to her EVERY week. Some would look down upon this conversation and person because for so long, she's been catergorized as a trouble maker. Our weekly conversations have been going on for the last 3 months. She brings joy to my life and for once, I'm feeling like I matter. You ever heard the saying, " the last shall be first"? Well, I'm finally understanding it.

Our conversations will start something like this, "Hey, how are you and the little people".. What's new, what's going on, you guys okay? You know I love you.." And THAT makes me smile!

As human 1st, I tend to hurt and ask why alot? A broken heart, an argument, bad convrsations.. They all tend to do something to our mental psyche.
As a Christain, I check myself because I know I'm human and flesh makes mistakes, I always want to be in a place of forgiveness and moving forward. God has done entirely to much for me to be miserable.
As a woman, I check myself because I want to always been seen as a rolemodel for my daughter, female cousins nieces and my mentees. I want my image to be one my son look to and smile. I would'nt want his wife to be just like me, but embody some of my characteristics..

Well, my ship has come in. It took for me to leave the comfortable, enter into my own wilderness to find my way. I'm happy, I'm content and I'm growing. Probably not in the direction some people would have for me but following the plans GOD has laid for me.. I'm leading the line: MY LINE and it feels good!!!

In the words of my Pastor.." I got my joy back, I got my Peace backack, I got my SWAG back( how you might ask?) I TOOK IT BACK...

Seasonal Wear..

Living in Georgia has taught me that, some seasons last longer than others. For example, we're still experiencing some 70+ degree weather when back home( originally from Boston) it's freezing cold by now. Mornings are cold of course, but by mid afternoon all you need is a jean jacket.

I have a favorite chapter and it reads, ( Ecclesiastes 3)
"To EVERYthing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the Heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die, a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which was planted.
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down and time a time to build up...
But the verse that stands out the most, " A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away.."

I quickly thought of being in Walmart on yesterday. I passed through the clothing department. There were tank tops for $2.00. My mind said get them for next year but my pockets said, now isn't the time. Thinking of life and it's ups and downs, I'm reminded that somethings we just have to cast away. There will be a time for each of us to harvest all that is set up for us, IF we have properly sown. And I'm not necessarily referencing sowing to money, but if we have treated others fairly, been thankful, said thank-yous, helped others, no bad mouthing of others. All of that, plays apart if you will reap good things or bad.

Seasonal wear, as I type I'm wearing yoga pants and a tank top. The temperature is fairly warm sitting in the 4 walls of my home. But, if I were to walk out, I know for sure I'm going to need a few more layers to be properly dressed for outside.

In life, we were faces according to the situation. If we walk into something that's bad we clam up, just like winter: It's cold we layer up. Let's not always allow the SEASON to be the REASON we miss out... Hmmmmm, think I may go back and grab some of those tanks.. Because, as it's cold right now, in a few months I'll be needing them!

Let's always be in a place of thinking ahead and not always for the moment~

This is your LAST warning...

Life has a way of flipping upside down in order to get us to heed to warnings. Is it that we're afraid to move out into the unfamiliar or have we become to comfortable and complacent with where we are and what we have? I look at it this way, if I'm working a job paying me 20.00 an hour, and there's an add for the exact same position making 32.00 an hour: If I'm already working that position skillfully, why NOT step out on FAITH and apply?

I've learned, there's only so many times that the door will be opened and readily available for us to walk through with no worries. Those other 999 times, there will be heartache, hurt, mountains, rivers, people, lies just standing in the way BLOCKING..

I remember having to search deep down in my soul and find the strength and courage to walk through the door. It wasn't easy but my body was tired of the same ole MESS!! If I didn't grasp the opportunity when I did, I'd still be miserable and wandering.
I sit back and do Nek evaluations(that's right, I grade myself, I'm my own worst critic but for a reason), have I accomplished all set before me for the month, have I made someone outside my immediate smile, have I said Thank-U, am I paying kindness forward?

Blocks are placed in our path as a test. Are you going to find ways to move it and past it or are you going to call and talk about it?
Sometimes, the answers/solutions are right there but fear keeps us stagnated. We will either rise to the occasion or sink like a bad batch of yeast.

I'd hate to be in a situation where it was my last warning.. I challenge you;If the door is open RUN through it. You've crawled and walked enough. Lace up your Air Max and get to booking( remember that back in elementary school? I was Booking).. I watch my son crawl, he's 7 months and making huge strides. If he keeps moving at the rate hes going, he will skip walking and RUN!!! Let's RUN.. Run with the intentions of never looking back, it's behind us for a reason, Right??

your Card has been DECLINED......

I was standing behind this woman in Marshall's last night. She had so much stuff it was ridiculous. I was just standing there rolling my eyes. Her total was 309.88! My eyes bucked out my head. I was like, " Well dang".. So, she pulled out a credit/debit card. She told the cashier, " Charge it".. He swiped the card and waited... waited some more...and some more... then a beep, "DECLINED"... He politely told her," you're card has been declined". She looked embarrassed( as I would have been 2)and replied, " Can't be, there's no limit on that card"..

How many times has this happened to you? You just knew without a doubt you had money available until you went to use it and BAM declined...

Or what about when you're driving? Your doing a steady speed, in your zone then you hit a standstill in traffic or better yet, a speed bum. There's nothing worse than having to slow down. Not only were you already being cautious but NOW you have to start all over again..

I'm so glad GOD has not set a limit on who I am and what I'm capable of becoming.. People will give us limits but not God. I remember as a child, my mother would take my brothers and I out every Friday to either McDonald's or Burger King in Central Square in Cambridge,Ma. Afterwards, she'd take us into either the Dollar Store or Woolworth to get a toy and she gave us a limit( and I quote), "It's 4 of yall, so you each have $5.00, have fun".. I think about it now, what could $5.00 really buy? A bunch of little toys or activities that ended up in the trash.. In the trash, the same way some ppl value others and what they've been given. We trash it, with our harsh words and unappreciative actions.

Thank God, there are no limits on HIS:
blessings
love
grace
mercy

Where people fail, God prevails! so, decline my card if you must.. I serve a God with platinum unlimited "FAVOR"
Serve him and get yours today... Call 1-800, I need your GRACE!!!

Just a Reminder....

Is it just me, or does anyone else hate when time is prolonged? There's nothing else to say, nothing else to do but you're still holding on?

Let this be a Reminder..

I'm Strong,
Built ford tough,
I've seen enough to know, this to shall pass!

I'm confident and Secure enough to know,
That I can make it,
I just have to continue putting one foot in front of the other.

I've been knocked down enough to know,
That if I position my self and stand firm,
When my feet push down on this hard ground,
I'll stand tall and strong!!

Remind your past,
It's there for a reason,
Let yesterday's memory push you to gReater tomorrows and towards your future.
As it shines bright as the SON who's leading you...

Just a Reminder,
That even during my weakest moment,
There's something happening in the atmosphere far more gReater than my eyes can see!
So, just because I'm not physically grasping it right now,
Doesn't mean, there's nothing out there for ME~~

Just a Reminder,
I'm going to think straight and go left..
Just because they're going right,
That's not the path set for me..
I'm standing out so I can stand Apart..

Just a Reminder,
If I gotta fight I will,
There's nothing and I mean NO Thing..
Greater than Me just being ME~~

Imposter..Fake!!! Security, Security

We've all been guilty of it( especially women)wearing girdles and spanx to define a shape that's not ours.. But, see what had happened was(LOL), I gave birth to a little boy 7 months ago... Before giving birth, I definitely had my sexy BACK. I was fitting in a 10/12 perfectly. To me, it was an accomplishment because I hadn't been this size since high school. And that's over 10+ years ago! I was walking daily, drinking water and just being cautious. It wasn't because I was ordered to loose weight by my Dr, but because I just wanted to feel better about myself!!

Society has consumed our self image with pictures of all the celebrities looking anorexic.. They're in bathing suits that are barely on, they are buying size zeros and everyone is talking about cutting back in the meat department. A conversation was held with a few sister girls and we all ranged from size 8-18. Are we healthy? Yes we are! We like just FOOD.I'm not going to front, as I'm typing this blog I'm enjoying a slice of pie and ice cream. Does that make me fat? To some YES but to me naw!!! I can out walk a skinny chic any day. I don't have diabetes nor heart disease. I can race my daughter and not be out of breath. This summer, I was cheer mom for my daughter's squad. She was quick to say, " My mommy was a cheerleader and she can still do a split".. And, I'm not going to lie, it made my heart smile every time I was able to do a split.. It took a while to hop right back up, but your girl Did It!!

The average American woman's size is not in the single digits, its a 16!! POW! So, just like we put emphasis on age( she does NOT look a day over 25, you're right because I'm 32)the emphasis is put on size too! Go figure, numbers are just not safe in these parts!!

In the end, we all have to be happy and content with the skin we are in. Just lastnite, I noticed this long strand of gray hair. I mean it's long. I'm tempted to pull it out but its apart of my make-up. Plus, if I get rid of it, who knows how many more will grow in it's place!!

So, let us enjoy our spanx and girdles.. Pizza, burgers and Coke too. There's nothing FAKE or PHONY about using a little support to help enjoy the skin you're in!! So, tonite when you have dinner, sip on that soda! And it better not be diet either!! And if you dare call security, let it be on those fake women who know good and well they want more than those rice cakes!!!! Chew on that!!!

Go on Now, Mess with THEM if you Want.....

I LOVE BAGS... I know, may sound crazy but for anyone who knows me, you know my collection is crazy. Funny thing is, I've had so many that I just don't remember because I don't mind sharing them, lending them out or giving them away. I have "sisters" who will call just to get a bag and I love it. I keep them stuffed so they will maintain their shape and I keep them in their protective cloths. Even the ones that are not high end, I treat them equally.. Hmmmmm, kind of reminds me how I am with my family...Even though some have treated me wrong, talked about me or even lied on me I still LOVE them.. Read on!

We all have family. It's funny because the way some people act at times, one would beg to differ. Families are not perfect but LOVE is. When we love our families unconditionally, we tend to find a way to overlook Uncle George, who is intoxicated at every function and although we know Sue Ella is a few stops short of the top floor, we listen to her funny antics. And poor Nana, just smile and keeps the guest room clean because she never knows who will need a place to lay their head.

In a family nobody is perfect. We fight, we cuss each other out, even spend some time NOT speaking. But, let that phone call go out that such and such is in trouble, I'm telling you the whole clan is ready to attack. Some of us are blessed to not only have immediate family but extended family too. We tend to think that FAMILY, consists of only the people who share the same last name or even bloodline but I beg to differ. I have sisters and brothers who my parents did NOT birth. And trust me when I say,they have my back. I have these older sisters(for those that know me u know I'm the oldest of my immediate siblings)who will fight in a minute,they are sincere with their words and although I don't always like them and we disagree, the understanding and LOVE is mutual. I appreciate them more than they will even know. Even when they are bugging me about "STUFF", I just smile because they truly care.

It's sad when it takes a death for us to realize how much we truly LOVE them. When my grandmother passed, over 10+ years ago, I met so much family. It was crazy, we had almost the entire town on lockdown the day of her funeral. Although I don't remember most of their names or faces, I know they exist. Too know, we have people out there who care is amazing.

How many of you have that one relative who don't mind fighting? It may sound funny but I have members just like that in my family. There's nothing funny about that statement because it's so totally TRUE.... I'm a vivid watcher of Tyler Perry's plays, and a scene comes to mind where Mr.Brown's niece's husband grabbed her arm. The MEN in her family jumped so quick. That was a reminder of how we should be quick to defend our family members. I'm told daily, " Nek, you could be wrong but I'm going to stand with you and have your back BUT behind closed doors, babe I'm going to tell you you're wrong and we'll discuss it. But, on the outside nobody will ever know because I support You"...( smile....)

If everyone would take on that same mentality of having our family's back whether good or bad, I'm sure there'd be less division and more UNITY. We cannot unify ourselves with others until we stand united with the ones GOD gave us..

So, go on if you must, Mess with someone in my family!! You won't just have me to deal with BUT an entire tribe, whether good or bad who will be willing and ready to whip your..... Well, you know the rest! Try Me!!

In A Perfect world..

In a peRfect world,
Everyone would believe in God.
Women wouldn't be spiteful,
Nor carry insecurities.

Men wouldn't covet what's not theirs and they would
Marry women and not make children out of wedlock.
Women would be stronger and not fall victim to the,"You're the 1"
They'd be confident in who they are and require MORE

In a Perfect world,
We would know he's the one because upon that 3rd finger on the left hand would be a ring.
In a peRfect world,
Even though things did not work,
A"DAD" will take ownership in raising his children too.

In a peRfect world,
Mistakes would be a thing of the past
And you would NEVER have to hear people's negative, " I remember when"

In a peRfect world,
Everyone would have a job,
There'd be no murders, no SIN,
And everyone would live as fRee Men and woMEN..

This is not a vent, its not a Tale,
It's thoughts and pureness on learning to let LOVE prevail.

Love does NOT make it peRfect,
But it surely makes it feel right.
It covers all of our wrongs,
Makes tomorrow worth fighting for.

In a peRfect world,
Everyone is treated fair,
The unJust becomes JUST
The unInvolved become INVOLVED
The lost become Found
The Broken are Mended
and wrongs become RIGHTS...

In A peRfect world,
someone is going to read this and maybe disagree,
while others will read it and feel differently.
whatever cord it strikes in you,
just remember it's in YOU( you're perfect world).

In a peRfect world,
In a peRfect world,
In a peRfect world... Let's let Joy, hope and Peace begin!

What are you cleaning with?

I have and obsession with cleaning.. Like, I can go in the bathroom to relieve myself and I'll find myself cleaning the tub, or spraying the toilet down when I'm done. We have 2 bathrooms in my house and I'll just walk into the guest/my daughter's bathroom and randomly start cleaning.

I don't know if my obsession is clean fresh scent of the cleaning detergents or if it's a slight bit of OCD. Whatever it is, I'm hooked. Yesterday, I bought this new All purpose cleaner by Ajax.. I've already wiped the kitchen down twice, sprayed both tubs and wiped down the sink counter tops. I think I'm going to make mop water and mop all the floors before bed time too... I LOVE the smell of clean!!

I'm sure my obsession with cleanliness has nothing on the expectation God has for us. I mean, I fail and slip daily. Some not so clean words and thoughts slip. sometimes I just want to just spaz out on people for saying and doing things I consider are not the brightest.

How can I compare my level of cleanliness to the bar God has set? He allowed HIS son to die for me so that I can wake up, make mistakes, go to bed and wake up and do it all over again tomorrow. I LOVE my son but the thought of giving him so other people can fail I cannot began to fathom.

Every time I clean my toilet bowl, it's like cleaning my mouth out. I know I'm going to clean it and it will be used again. Each attempt is done with the thought that this may be the day it stays clean. Maybe this will be the day, I won't call someone an idiot. Maybe, just maybe I won't allow my thoughts to get the best of me and allow someone upset me.

Everytime I clean my filthy toilet, that's the way God feels when he cleans us. We're filthy and with him, HE makes it all right.. He flushes out all the sin by giving us NEW life everyday. With each new flush I clean my toilet and with each new cleansing from God, we have another chance at eternal life.

Dear God,
With each flush, reNEW me! With each wipe, wipe away my worldliness so I will resemble a life you're Proud of and ppl can see you're reflection through me.. Get you're best cleaning agents out and start to wiping!!

You Wore that YESTERDAY...

My daughter absolutely positively LOVE skinny jeans. She's only 7, and her sense of style is so strongly demonstrated through the way she likes to dress. I have nothing wrong with it but I'd like for her to change it up. She enjoys wearing skirts too, but if she could wear skinny jeans daily she would. ( Se wear uniform Mon-Thurs! I'm sure u can guess her favorite day, Friday!! Free DRESS)

I then think about my wardrobe and the way I style myself. I can make just about anything look nice except a uniform. Wearing a uniform conforms you to looking like a group. I've always been a Leader, loving to stand out. It was such torture at my previous place of employment wearing the uniform. I would leave my uniform there and wear my own clothes into the school. 5-10mins before my shift was over, I'd find myself running down the hall to the bathroom to change. It was such a depressing atmosphere looking like everyone else. I would tend to find myself in a pissy attitude because it was in the air of the facility.

I look at people daily. Most "wear" the exact same "Uniform".
Depression
Hurt
Heartache
Aggravation
Pity
Selfless"Ness"
Sin

Each and everyday, ALL day these are the items people have decided to wear. While we're all entitled to wear what we must, why put the SAME thing on every single day? Whatever happened to waking up and feeling fresh and anew?
If you're wearing the same thing because someone hurt you, rid yourself of their presence and hold by letting it go.
If you're wearing pity because someone has done you wrong, let that feeling go and build yourself up.
If you're wearing sin, remove yourself from that sinful nature.. Seek the safety of God and HE will make you whole.

It's not in my blood to wear the same thing daily. I'm to fresh and Oh so clean.. So, today I pass the PEACE of ridding yourself of yesterday's rags. Get up, go through your "wardrobe" and put on the cleanest prettiest piece of clothing you have( or put on the prettiest smile you have) and leave yesterday's garment in the dirty clothes.


It's a New day and we welcome it with Cleanliness!!

Another Storm, Well DANG already..

It's pouring in Atlanta today.. Like, this rain is really coming down. My daughter asked, was it the kind of rain where she could wear her rain boots! I told her sure go, ahead. I came back home and prepared for the day. I cleaned my son( with water and soap of course)and then took my shower. I realized, with each process there was a substantial amount of water and soap being used: A cleansing.

I opened my patio door to allow the fresh air and the fresh smell of rain to saturate my home. Breath of fresh air, over take my home and life. Sometimes, the very thing we're fighting is to be used as a refresher or cleansing for our souls.

As the rain falls, I'm thankful that I'm protected under God's huge umbrella. The rain is falling and its providing moisture to the ground, plants, soil and the Fall Harvest. For all of us who have sown seeds, it's time for us to open up and receive. Some wonderful people have sown into my life throughout the year. It hasn't always been financial, but words of encouragement,non-judgmental ears, breaking bread here and there. But, it's all been love and oh so real and I'm grateful.

Every storm we encounter, won't always break us but it will add to our genetic make-up of being strong and resilient. I've learned to welcome the storms. There's always a lesson of appreciation that sits right next to the rainbow or even your pot of Gold!

Today, I pass the PEACE of Encouragement. I encourage everyone to weather the storm because at the end you shall rejoice if you Faint not. You're struggles are Not in Vain, hang on in there..

Busting out....

Last night while cleaning the baby keep getting in the way so we laid him in his bed.. Upon completing what I was doing, I went in the room to check on him and my son had crawled out of his bed and was behind the door, helping me to open the door so he could get out..Yes, he's 6 months and has mastered the military crawl on his belly!
I laughed so hard as I picked him up. At an early age, he knows what he want. Whatever measures he needs to take, he's doing it already.. BUSTING out.

The same way we carry babies for nine months, when they are ready to Bust out, they will began the process through the canal into the real world. They are soon cut off from the cord and are forced to live, breath and learn on their own( with guidance, love and support of course). I did wonder though, what happens if the cord is never cut? It eventually dries up and falls off.

That's the same way we must approach living our lives and taking on responsibility for our own actions. We can only expect so much from our parents and family. Eventually, that cord is going to dry out.

Life is the biggest teacher. We have great examples and some examples that sill leave us confused. In stead of being concerned with who supports us and wants the best, BUST out and go for yours. Fall on your face, lose it all if you have too.. BUT, let YOUR experiences teach you...

I BUSTED out at age 19. My cord was my mother marrying and moving to another state. Was the transition hard, heck yes. I went from having my mom doing EVERYTHING to me learning to do it for myself. That's a lesson I'll never forget because it set me up to appreciate my LIFE.. I've learned through the many sacrifices, that if I never BUSTED OUT, i'd still be living an unfilled life..I would've never mustered the courage to leave it all and start all over again with my daughter, in another state with no immediate family( but her father's family, who welcomed me and we're supportive and still are)
I BUSTED OUT and trust me, I have no thoughts on going back.. couldn't if I wanted to anyway!!! LOL


" Live a life with purpose and meaning, BUST out of the Norm and find YOU"

Keep Your HandOuts

I've been trying to lose weight forever... Before the birth of my son, I was extremely happy with my weight. I was fitting in my size 12's perfectly and could get into a size 10. I never understood the infatuation with wanting to be small..

Was it not having a banana around your waist, being able to fit comfortably in your clothes, people not starring or being able to go to McD's eat a meal and wash it down with a diet coke and not feel guilty? Whatever it was I felt it.

Now, I'm back at the beginning battling with what I don't like.. We tend to think, we make changes to be accepted. I know as a young girl, I did alot of crazy things to just fit in. I had to find myself. Once, I knew who I was, what I wanted to be, I found the strength and courage to be ONLY ME..

When we put forth our best effort and we work hard at what we want, the reward is far greater than someone giving it to us. I don't want a hand-out, I want a hand-Up. A hand-up doesn't always come in the form of someone helping. A hand Up starts with US.

When I fall, I tend to use my two hands and push myself back up. I don't wait around for someone to help because if I keep waiting I'm wasting time. We've learned to become extremely dependent on the words, motivation and support from others. While, the gesture is good; if we hault the process until someone says Go, we'll never understand what we're capable of.

Getting in my size 12's is something I need to accomplish for myself. I need to be healthy enough to dust my daughter in a race and not gasp for air. I need to be able to utilize that expensive jogger stroller I have and go out for fresh air with my son.

We all like compliments, we all love hearing we look AMAZING.. What we tend to think is beautiful, we never fully understand what that person is battling with. The battle to lose or be better is OURS. We tend to be our worst enemy because we all have different levels of feeling complete.

I know what it takes for me to be happy. Therefore,I'm not waiting for a Hand-Out, I'm using my OWN hands and pushing for a Hand Up!!

UnConditional is NEVER Questionable

Our children will never understand. They will never understand our LOVE for them is beyond unconditional. I just shared with my daughter that my love is so real, I will die protecting her and her little brother. Without them I'm just Cheneka. But, each morning they look into my eyes and I hear her say "Mommy" and he smile as I stand over his crib to pick him up, it gives a sense of completion that know one could understand UNLESS you are a parent.

Situations happen daily that are beyond our control. They can either make us stronger or they will break us to the core. I know for sure, my children will never understand the measures I take to keep them safe and to provide for them. They will never understand what it means to want something BUT decide to buy them that little shirt or order from the Scholastic Book club book club just BECAUSE. They will never understand what it means to go without because ALL of their needs and sometimes wants are met.

I watch my baby boy and marvel at his growth. He's 6 months and attempting to crawl now. I watch my daughter and I'm proud of the person she's becoming but I hope she does not compromise who and what I've taught her to be just to have friends.Our children go through their own identity issues where we will have to help them along the way. While, we may not always agree with what they are doing or saying, its our position to reassure them, "Although I'm about to discipline you, I STILL and WILL always LOVE U.

There is a sense of self worth that comes along with the title "Mommy"
We Pray, Cry, Smile, Hurt, Rejoice and even feel Defeat. What matters most is the way we deal with whatever is presented our way. While we will suffer through stages of parenthood being tough, there will also be numerous accomplishments that will outweigh any hurt that may come our way.

Today's lesson has taught me, there will some good days and some bad days. The Joy is knowing that at the end of the day, if I have loved my children the way God has ordained me too I have accomplished one of the many positions I hold as a Woman. Ever decision my child make will not make me happy and I will voice that. I just pray that they will value me enough to always share, no matter what the outcome may be.

"Motherhood, everyone can make a child but everyone cannot raise and nurture one"

your Money is NO GOOD here

"The best usage of our time is NOT in the gifts we go to the store&pick out, BUT the time we spend giving back to someone else"

This morning alongside over 200+people, we gathered at Kaiser Permenente and was bused to Atlanta Skate Park and assembled bikes for inner city youth. Along with my sisterfriend and our daughters; we spent our am giving back. Yea, most would say just go to Walmart and buy a bike that's pre-assembled. But NO, that would not have made the impact on my heart the way today did.

As we gathered from various walks of life, it was evident all of our hearts were in the same place. We united to make a difference. Everyday, we're reminded how tough it is, with the constant laying off of jobs. Welfare and food stamps are at an all time high. This is not the way many people envisioned their lives. so, for a short while, we brightened the faces of some young kids who are being affected.

We assembled bikes brand new individual bikes for over 40 youth!! It's not a strenuous task, trust me! But standing next to people I didn't know, to make a child feel valued and like the world cares made MY heart smile.

Today, my money( trust me, not like I have alot)was no good. They wanted my time, a smile and my effort and I GAVE unselfishly.
I have because at the end of the day, I have 2 children who I hope will reap the benefits of my giving. We may not first hand get the opportunity to see our good reciprocated BUT trust me in some way our children will.

While buying gifts surely are nice, sometimes the thought and effort of just OUR time will suffice!!!

And because my time was valued more than money: TODAY for once my Money was NO GOOD

Hopeless? Nah, hopeFULL

It's Saturday morning and I'm up. I've never been able to sleep in late. Why? Trust me I've tried but I firmly believe the early bird DOES get the worm!

Today, I'm volunteering with Kaiser Permanente to build bikes for youth in Atlanta. I can barely but together a lamp, let alone build a bike! LOL
I crack myself up. I remember when I was so hopelessly putting together my 1st entertainment set when I 1st moved to Atlanta. It took forever but I was determined. I finally put it together. What a sense of accomplishment. Even my daughter said,"Finally mommy, you did it". Like that wasn't enough, when I moved again, rather than keeping that 1st one, I bought another one and went through the same process again. This time though, I followed the computerized tutorial.
I honestly believe, this is my way of reminding myself, although the situation may seem hopeless, I HAVE to stay hopeFULL!!

Today, I'm volunteering with Kaiser Permenente to build bikes for Youth in Atlanta. I'm taking my daughter along with me because I believe in teaching her, we must give in order to receive. There are so many people in hopeless situations. With the job market being at an all time low, people are willing to take all types of assistance just to keep afloat.
I thank God for his Favor, LOVE and Mercy upon my life and the life of my family. Have we faced hopeless"NESS" yes but in the process we've remained HopeFULL..

In our worst situations, there's a story being made. Will the end result read, they gave in or will it say they came up? Each day I'm rising and I urge you to do the same too!!

Just in case you're wondering why it's reading hopeFULL and not hopeful? I'm doubling the LL because I believe for every 1 thing I do there's another coming around the corner to make it 2!!

Pee U, that STINKS...

Most of you know I'm a Mother. I have 2 little ones. A diva style 7 year old daughter and a 6month old little boy who's beyond active!! I love it.. What sucks the most is when they both use the bathroom. My daughter has her own bathroom that's shared with the guest and my son, well you get it,,His bathroom travels with him. But once its on him, he screams and moves like a mad babyboy til I change him.

I'm quick to yell to my daughter, " Close your bathroom door", and with my son I change him as soon as I smell it. I was once told, my sense of smell is amazing..

I said all that to say, Can u smell a bad situation from a mile away? and what do you do?
Life is teaching me, when it smells bad throw it out. Same with anything that's toxic.. When it smells it smells: PEE U!! The more we keep stinky stuff around, the more it lingers and gets into the atmosphere. And there's nothing worse that the smell of dirty friends, dirty relatives, dirty lies and untruths.

And sometimes, we add to the stinky smell by not ridding ourselves of it on contact. We can't say we've changed when we welcome the mess daily.

I remember there was this girl in my 4th grade class we called'Stinky Tanya(name was changed for this piece) I mean this chick smelled. Instead of us helping, we made it worse and crushed her as a person. Kids are honest but yet the boldness we possessed hurt her in the process.
As adults, if we could learn to be bold about the truth and stop pacifying people's feelings, there would be less stinki"NESS" floating around..
If its a toxic friend, throw it out
If its a toxic phone call, hang up
If you walk in on a toxic conversation, leave!
Let's stop adding more stink to the Stink..( that's funny)

Pee u, that STINKS and I refuse to smell it!
How ironic, my son just pooped.. Shoot! Here I come son!

Dear Me

Dear Me,
How are you? I saw you the other day and you looked worried. So, I decided to drop you a few lines and remind you, I have your back. It's hard when you're so accustomed to putting other's feelings, wants and needs above your own. You tend to lose sight and forget about yourself. Don't do it girl, not worth it.

Stop letting people, their thoughts and actions towards you hold up space in your heart. Replace it with this affirmation," Until they know you, they can't judge you". Everyone will have opinions but in the long run, yours is what matters.

Live a life worth talking about: and not the negative. You've overcome alot. Hurt,lies,bad relationships,deaths, failures and even mistreatment. You took what was meant to hurt you and you survived. Don't forget its okay to cry. Let your tears heal you. They are not signs of weakness but signs of being human and having feelings too.

You are an excellent mother too!! Not only are you loved by your natural children but the hundreds you touched during your time as Youth Worker. So, many of them still call you MA and for that you should smile.

I'm writing you this letter because in my book you rock. Every once in a while remind yourself. Get pretty and make it about you.

As I close this letter, I'm reminded of this woman I know. She's strong, a go getter, imperfect but loves whole heartedly. She's overcome failure and in her own little way, she's making a GREAT impact on her side of the world. You know who she is? YOU!!

Now keeping Making me Proud!!
I love you,
Signed,
YOU!!

Let it go...

I read something lastnite night that said, If something doesn't want to be kept, let it go...

Hmmm, I've been thinking about it every since.
What do we do with our dogs when we take them out to the park? We let them roam and run freely. After they've exerted all of their energy they come back. Why do they come back? Because they feel loved and valued by their owner. If they didn't feel loved or valued, I'm sure they wouldn't return.

Just like with people. Some of us value good friendships so we keep them healthy. We talk when we're hurt, we talk when its all good. We talk when we need to yell and we talk in the calmest voice when just sharing.

What makes letting go so hard?
Is it the fear of facing the unknown, is it not trusting yourself to live with the decision you are making..

I'm reminded of this song by Heather Headley"
When you love someone you gotta let them go and if they come back it means so much more!

If it troubles you , Let it go
If it hurts you, Let it go
If it makes you feel unsafe, Let it go

But if it supports you..... You make the call!

Your Own Giants

Giant, adjective: having extremely large size, proportion, or power



I'm guilty..
I've found myself on the line of judges others. And don't front bc we all are guilty. The good thing about guilt, it will do one of 2 things, Convict you of your wrong doings or pacify the truth. I can recall being a Jerk as a young Adult. If you didn't like what I said, then oh well, You're wrong and not me. Man, did it hurt when it finally hit that, the world is made up of different people, ideas, dreams etc.. This was MY giant that I had to defeat... JUDGING.

There will be many obstacles we will face. There will be people who will always disagree with what we say as well. The joy in Freedom of speech is that, its what and how I feel. Disagree if you must, it's your God given right. But, don't assume its a lie or a tweaking of what YOU feel is Your truth. That is YOUR Giant and don't transfer how or what you feel into negative thoughts.

As a race we can be such Kill Joys. When situations occur that we cannot control, we seem to find ways to make the other person look bad by defaming their character.
When will we learn to face our own Giants?
I've learned/still learning, people will question and assume the worst before seeking out what truly works. Our experiences will differ and some will be the same. It's all a matter of showing Respect.Our demeanor says alot about us.. What is yours saying?
My demeanor speaks volumes for the person I was and the person I've become.
I'm learning to stand up to my Giants and face them one day at a time!

Blended? Riiiight

I'm a step-child. Both of my parents are married to someone else. Do I like my step-parents? I do, but was it always easy? NO
I have sisters and brothers. According to the world's standards, they are 1/2 brothers and sisters when you only share the mother and full brothers and sisters when you share the same father. I beg to differ. I LOVE each of my siblings equally. We're definitely all different but as their oldest sister, I feel its my job to love and protect all of them. I remember a few times taking a licking on their behalf( a swift punch to the face defending my sister once and a couple of knockdown drags out defending 3 of my 4 brothers).. To me, definitely worth it.
I still haven't figured out what makes blended families work so well. Is it all the parties involved being on the same page? Is it reassuring the kids that I'm not replacing your other parent, I'm here to provide extra LOVE & SUPPORT? We each posses different beliefs and characteristics.
I know for myself, I LOVE kids without a shadow of doubt. People laugh at me from time to time because one of my fave lines is, "It's for the kids". But, if you know me and know me WELL, you will know this is TRUE( that's a funny sentence huh?)
I believe, we should not transfer our beliefs, misunderstandings, failures and shotcomings onto kids. It's hard enough for them to find their voices and learn to express themselves. But, its even harder when we transfer what we feel onto them, therefore confusing them MORE.
Nothing in life is easy. We will encounter more no's than yes', more stumbling blocks than a few. but, the courage and strength lies within us to come out on TOP.
The cycle of being blended has now surfaced in my life. My daughter has a bother on her dad's side and I have a son as well. My son is shared with three sisters( 2 from his dad).
This journey has been hard. Are we all adjusting? No! Too many people are involved and are NOT respecting the position of the PARENTS. When to many people are adding their ingredients, the SOUP taste horrible.
When we become adults, we take on the responsibility of our own actions. I know if my parents could change some of my decisions, they would because I surely would. But this is my cup, I poured it so let me sip it. We have to be strong and confident enough to know that we're doing the best we can. And when we receive to much negative feed back, it hinders the process of going forward.
Can tomorrow be better than today? It's possible if we just take the time to pray. And, not only pray when it seems bad, but pray when its good so that God will see our grateful"ness" and keep paving the road for an easy journey.
Ultimately, do I think blended families are bad? NO, I do not. I'm the product of one and now my children are too. Am I trying to make it work? I'm trying my hardest, so please don't HINDER my process.
I'm not asking for anyone's help because I've learned enough on my own being the product of blended. for it has it's good days and bad, smiles and frowns. BUT, I'm happy and the experience has made me stronger.
Blended?? Yes, blended..
Is it right? Who are we to say YES or No?
Riiiiigggght....

The Relationship Affidavit

Tday, I will no longer sign on any relationships dotted lines..

To much heartache, to much stress
Instead of me letting it go, I carry it right into the next...

I thought I'd passed the test, thought my Boaz had finally come home so I could rest,
but in his place was

Po'Az, always had a theory on how to get ahead,
Lyin'Az, talked so much even his momma didn't believe him,
Broke'Az,, he was confused he didn't realize he was supposed to contribute to the our account too.
Then walked in Fine'az, who was to fly for words, I then found out he was Downlow'Az
So, again I waited, this time walked in Cheatin'Az, who soon turned into goodfornothing'Az, Always talking about he would do it but IT was never completed because he was to busy doing someone else.
on down the line came Cryn'Az, someone was always doing him wrong, on his job, in school and the list goes on and on...
Then walked in Lazy'Az, who was a trip within himself, his theory was where ever he dropped it, is where it stayed.
I knew I had enough when in walked Bestyo'Az, to bad he didn't know I had a frying pan waiting Forhis'Az..

At my wits end, I sat down and had a conversation with God.
I asked him where was I going wrong?
He reminded me that,
A real good man is supposed to find ME.
And when he does, I will know it because there will be no signs of the others I let in.

So,
I'm waiting..
No longer willing to sign on the Relationship Dotted line.
Instead, I'm waiting to sign my name on the forever line..

He may not come in the form of boaz, he may be Jose', Terrance or even Bryson.

Buy, whomever he is, HE will be sent from God because HE will find ME!

Signed,
Woman In Waiting