To SHUT UP or not SHUT UP...

 I swear being told to Shut Up or Be Quiet when I was younger was the worst. It's funny, the person who told me to shut up the most was the person who told me to always speak my mind. My good ole Momma( Love You Mom). However, I must admit, I did have alot to say.

One of my mom's favorite stories to share is the time we were in the supermarket and this woman was stealing. When we got to the register, I politely opened my mouth and said, "Excuse me, but the woman behind us was stealing" ( how ironic she got in the same line).. My mother looked at me and gritted with her lips pressed tightly together," Shut UP before you get me Beat Up"( the other woman was huge and for any one that knows my mom, she's 4'11 and petite). Really, mom? You're telling me to shut up and I'm exercising my young rights to save the planet from  would be thieves. Needless, to say we didn't get beat up and we left the store in such a hurry that I was not able to witness the reward of me snitching out the thief!! LOL


I believe that was just the tip of the iceberg of me running my mouth. Sometimes, my words we're received, sometimes it wasn't , sometimes I received severe punishment and sometimes a swift slap to my mouth. Who would've ever thought I got slapped in the mouth? Yup, I did.

Later in life, during my 1st year of college, one of my professors made a comment that to this day still bothers me.. We were sitting in class and she had just given instructions for our final. I believe that when you don't understand you ask questions. In other words, I needed clarity. I raised my hand and she looked at me and said( in her thick Indian voice," Che-Neka, what is it now, You Always have a question"? I almost turned into TaMar and told her to get her life and that's why I'm sitting in your class to obtain the knowledge you posses. Little did she know,she added fuel to the fire. Every class there after, I had a question( upon completion of the semester Prof. Ravita Amarasingham had a heart to heart) Glad I never failed that course because I would've looked mighty stupid to have had such a smart mouth!!! LOL

Now that I'm older, I understand what Silence is golden means. There is a place for everything. There's a place to talk and sometimes just a place to listen and absorb like a sponge and use it at a later time. I've learned that sometimes, the energy we put in going back and forth is just a complete waste. Sometimes, we have to SHUT UP in order to really hear. And, it's not a bad thing just to nod, especially when your blood is boiling and you want to go off. Take a step or two back and refrain from saying something you'll later regret. The best feeling is to rationalize before you spaz and later regret it.

So, Yeah, I'm going to Be Quiet or even Shut Up for a bit BUT when I get my thoughts together and it makes sense, TRUST me, I'll be talking again..
In the meantime, think before you're quick to talk and have to be told to shut-up. There's nothing more embarrassing than being told to shut-up...

Dear Me

Dear Me,
How are you? I saw you the other day and you looked worried. So, I decided to drop you a few lines and remind you, I have your back. It's hard when you're so accustomed to putting other's feelings, wants and needs above your own. You tend to lose sight and forget about yourself. Don't do it girl, not worth it.

Stop letting people, their thoughts and actions towards you hold up space in your heart. Replace it with this affirmation," Until they know you, they can't judge you". Everyone will have opinions but in the long run, yours is what matters.

Live a life worth talking about: and not the negative. You've overcome alot. Hurt,lies,bad relationships,deaths, failures and even mistreatment. You took what was meant to hurt you and you survived. Don't forget its okay to cry. Let your tears heal you. They are not signs of weakness but signs of being human and having feelings too.

You are an excellent mother too!! Not only are you loved by your natural children but the hundreds you touched during your time as Youth Worker. So, many of them still call you MA and for that you should smile.

I'm writing you this letter because in my book you rock. Every once in a while remind yourself. Get pretty and make it about you.

As I close this letter, I'm reminded of this woman I know. She's strong, a go getter, imperfect but loves whole heartedly. She's overcome failure and in her own little way, she's making a GREAT impact on her side of the world. You know who she is? YOU!!

Now keeping Making me Proud!!
I love you,
Signed,
YOU!!