The Wonder of a Woman....

Mother's Day has come and gone... Back to hustle and bustle of motherhood... I must admit, I marveled in how great Mother's Day was this year. It was all of the small things that mattered most this year. As I've grown, I realized it's not always about the gifts. They are just an added bonus to the Thank You's and appreciation received on that day. 

 It's so ironic how everything falls into place though. 

I was told by a sister friend that I have amazing super powers. I mean, to raise my kids and to help nurture other people's kids, there must be a few unknown powers I carry within. And I think I have figured them out. I carry: Love, Peace, Joy and Understanding!!! And the greatest of them all is I Love Jesus and he loves me!! 

His Love makes way for my Peace. Yes, I run around on empty some days but I'm not a ticking time bomb. I have my right mind even when I feel the world is not working in my favor... 

The wonder in a woman.. We're full of amazement, humor, love, energy, gifts and tons of other things that gives us strength to keep on moving.. 

Some days I wake up with the S on my crown and the S on my chest. You wonder how I do it?!! It's the God given ability given to the strongest women. You want strength? Ask him, it's Yours!! 

So when you think you can't do it, You want to give in? Remember, you carry a strength that only God gives to his strongest.. You are indeed, Wonder( of A) Woman!! 

This year, my family and friends finally acknowledged my strength and power and made me WonderWoman!! 

I'm forever grateful.... Motherhood definitely is not for the weak!! #iWin 

Signed, 

Simply Cheneka... Aka Wonder Mom 

For The Win...

This morning, I wasted no time waking up. Got up, prayed and prepared myself for the day. I HAPPILY flicked on every single light in the house and woke my children up. "Rise and Shine my little pretties"... Lol

My son got up first and walked into my bedroom. This kid says, " Only my sister going to school right"? Ummm no sir, you're BOTH going. Come on and let's brush your teeth( my stomach cannot handle HIS morning breathe, yuck).. 

While they both handled their business, I finished preparing their breakfast, found sneakers, put hats, scarves and jackets on the hook by the front door. Everyone out!! 

My daughter finished preparing her lunch, I served warm grits, fruit and milk and by 7:50 everyone was out the door! Like magic!! 

Listen, I've been on both sides of the fence. I've taught and I'm a parent. I understand the importance of everyone needing a break, I just wasn't prepared for 2.5weeks with an inquisitive 4.5 year old( if you know him you know that 1/2 means everything to his little life). Just this morning he said, "Mommy I can reach your cabinet, does that mean I'm 5"? No son, you're still 4, ( him) "No, I'm 4.5". Whatever works kid, whatever works. 

Today my Lovies, sit and enjoy a small piece of heaven. Peace & Quiet!! Who knew how crucial it is to just sit in silence. I've been moving so much that I've missed my moments of peace. Make time to enjoy time today.. It's for the Win and your Sanity... Lol

Signed, 

Neka T. Speaks 

My Pushers...

Anyone who truly knows me know that Chelia and Matthew mean the world to me. Parenthood has its ups and downs but for the most part each day I rise to the occasion. I question how my life has turned out at times but in the scheme of things, the 3 of us were destined to be a family( and I'm confident in knowing our little family will soon be complete). 

Some big things are about to take place in our lives. With the 1st being my return to school. As I rearranged my wall art tonight, I added pictures from our family photoshoot this summer. My children are my motivation to keep striving for excellence. I have to set the standard for each of them to model. Each morning I wake( after I pray) I will look at their faces. At night while I study and prepare for the next phase of lives I will look at them. 

For my daughter: We may fall babygirl but we get back up. We never ever quit. Sometimes, we have to travel alone and that's ok. The goal is to work hard at everything you set your mind to accomplish. Sometimes you have to stop talking about it and be about it. Work hard, play later. 

For my son: Always strive for greatness. Defeat is not apart of our vocabulary. We will always keep trying until we succeed. Just because life throws a few curve balls our way, we will still proceed with the plan. Always strive for excellence. Work hard, play later. 

My Lovies, 2016 will only be as great as we make it. Set goals and keep them. Make sacrifices, make changes, become better, do better, be honest, be kind, be loving, be In Love, be smarter than your dumbest choice.... Challenge yourself to complete everything you've set out to do.  I'm nervous but for once I'm confident. Confident in myself and where I am right now. I'm ready to soar.. And as long as my little people and a few very special people are in my corner; I got this.. 

Signed, 

Neka T. Speaks 

Relaxation....

I honestly believe I'm incapable of fully indulging in a relaxation day. I went to NC a few weeks ago and my body wouldn't let me sleep late. My routine has been the same for quite a few years now and I think I'm just stuck... 

If I could though, my ideal day off would be spent at a plush masseuse parlor, lunch at J. Alexander and a beautiful autumn walk holding hands with my special guy( I hope he's somewhere reading bc right now, well u know the rest... Lol). I'm a simple kind of gal and it doesn't take much for me to be in my happy place. 

I do attempt to have "MeTime" but sometimes it totally slips my mind. I know as the children get older, I'll have a little bit more time for myself. 

I'm aware of the importance of "MeTime" and it's sorta used to refresh yourself. I know when I'm feeling burnt out and either my Momm, my sistergirl in St. Lou or a few of my closest will remind me to take a moment for yourself and just breathe. There's Peace when you make time for YOU!! 

Up next, Ideal Day off! Who's with me? 

Signed, 

I just need a Day 

Nothing Else Matters...

Some of my greatest joys are tied to Motherhood. My children are absolutely amazing. A little bratty at times but at the end of the day they are mine and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

My daughter is 11 and in the 6th grade. She's excelling in all of her classes. My son is 4 and he's in PreK.. Total opposite of his sister growing up. I mean he's a boy. It took us a while to conquer potty training and we're now working on reading, writing and pronouncing his words. 

I started working on name writing when was 2. I must admit, some days I was so frustrated because I felt like he just wasn't getting it. I figured, when it's time he'll get it. With being a former educator, it bothered me that I could help other kids get it right away but my own kid couldn't grasp it. 

School started for him mid-September. In a matter of weeks he was writing his name and spelling! I must admit, at first I was entirely in my feelings over it! How dare he go to school and all of my hard work is now accredited to his two amazing teachers? But it hit me, he needed an environment outside of working with mommy to get it. 

Just like life. One can know the way but sometimes it takes someone on the outside to push you to really be and do all you can. I marvel daily at how he's excelling. It makes my heart smile. It's hard at times, this whole single parenting thing but I know it's going to pay off. I'm thankful for the small victories. I know we have so many more hurdles to jump and I'm anticipating them. 

My Loves, I challenge you not to give up. There's a master plan and you're going to succeed just keep going. Keep moving forward. Don't allow anyone or anything to deter you from your BEST. Your best days are within reach, trust me I know. Stay strong, Work hard and don't give up. We didn't and now he's writing his name like a big boy!! 

Signed, 

Better becomes your BEST!! 

#catchIt 

This New Routine...

I've had the joys of being a Business Owner for almost 4 years now. Because of this, I do NOT have to sit in morning traffic. Oh how the tables have turned.. 

My son started school on Monday and for the 1st time, I was apart of the morning commute. Listen... When I tell you I wasn't ready?! It felt like my heart was going to literally jump out of my chest. I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack.. 

Whew.. All I could think of were my clients and the countless other drivers on the road trying to get to their destination. 

I've lived in Georgia for 6 years now( this November) and I've never EVER sat in morning traffic. It takes 10 mins to get to my son's school but close to 40mins just to get back down the road. Are You Serious?!! 

Today my Lovies, I challenge you to learn the importance of: being patient, leaving earlier or just smiling while sitting there. It could be worse. 

Signed, 

Adjusting My Schedule 

Broken But it still Works...

Gosh I Love my children. When you become a parent, you learn early on that their needs are important and must be met. However, balance becomes key in maintaining a level of sanity for yourself. 

I remember like yesterday when I began contemplating relocating. My daughter's father and I were beyond broken. Restraining orders, police calls, neighbors becoming involved, guns drawn: this environment was no longer safe to raise a little girl. And while I so deeply wanted to wallow in my feelings, I had to do what was right for her. 

While it may have seemed selfish to up and move over 1100 miles away, the whole time her safety was MY main concern. As I look back, I had become so stuck in my daily routines that I lost myself. I was so lost that I didn't know I was lost. I had gained so much weight and I carried a fake smile although I was so hurt on the inside. 

I was good at it too. Until one day, I finally broke. This was not what my life had become. I needed to find Me...Again

Slowly but surely I did. I left what was comfortable and familar to embark on My Journey, with Chelia as my main focus. 

When I learned the importance of my strength and tapped into it, I found all the courage I needed. I often wondered( and still do) was my decision to leave the right thing? 

I see the growth in both of my children( I now have a 3 year old from another failed relationship) and I know it was. 

Yes, they miss their fathers but in order for me to be sane and give them the lives they both need, I have to take care of me too. 

Today, my heart is with all of the dads, moms, daughters and sons who feel broken. When phone calls are not enough and the tears seem to flow, find the courage and strength to know that you're still loved and appreciated.

Visits become your only sense of connection and boy can that hurt. Wouldn't it be so easy for all the broken families to live in the same state and be one big ole happy extended family? Yea, NO. Lol

I have so many friends who have dealt with divorce and the common denominator is, the safety of the children and their sanity. 

Just because one person ( or 2 in my case) broke you, leave room for love to find you again. Will it take a while? Yes it will. Will you want to give up? Yes. But when you least expect it, love will find its way in and it'll be perfect. Not just for you but the children too. 

Broken still works and as long as it works that's the proof that the hurt didn't kill you. 

Signed, 

My Heart guides Me 

It's harder than you THINK...

Life is a daily struggle. If you haven't yet found that medium in your life that gives you the strength to balance it all, you will surely drown.
I try not to relate much of my past to my blogs but sometimes, its the easiest way to describe how and what I feel. I've learned, while yes my road is different than yours and sometimes we take different routes HOWEVER; somewhere our paths will intersect and we will eventually face some of the same issues.

I listen to the stories of many of my married friends, dating friends and single ones and we ALL echo the same sentiments. Parenting is HARD.  I can only speak for myself but even with having support its still tough. A Father will never understand the full involvement and the level most of us mothers make where parenting is concerned.
YES, I get it. Most fathers play the role of a disciplinarian, while some are non-existent. Then we have another group of fathers who leave everything to the mom and then complains when we shut them out. Really dude, what do you want from us?
Honestly, the way many of us parent is similar to how we were raised. And although we try to break the cycle, it tends to come back until we have completely figured out how to break it. I have 2 bff's. One grew who with an involved dad and the other one grew up with a part time dad who was on drugs. Today, as grown women, we all relate because at some point we became mothers and our fathers were not there completely. It was a constant struggle for me not to repeat my cycle with my daughter. I never talk in full detail about relationship with my father. It's been rocky to say the least but  know he loves me. I stayed in a relationship to provide stability for my daughter( or so I thought). In the end, I had to find my voice and take the path that would better not only me but give her a better picture.
I listen to the stories of so many sister girls who are going through it with the fathers of their children. Should our children have to suffer because of the decisions we made? No, they shouldn't. A Father should be a father no matter WHAT. I was good enough for you to lay down and roll in the sheets with me, now let the love we once shared be good enough for you to properly love the child we made together.
There are so many horror stories my sisters are dealing with. Absent fathers seems to top all the list though. YES, they can be absent while physically present too.
Is this a blog to bash Fathers? Not at all, it's a blog to salute the women who still sow respect for the fathers of our children even when it's hard.. It's a blog dedicated to the fathers who are fathering without being told to do so.. It's a blog dedicated to the fathers who have stepped up to help children who are not theirs. Its a blog to the mom, who works 40+ hours a week and goes to school at nite, It's a blog to the mothers who won't give up on their child even though society has kicked them out of programs and labeled them.
I LOVE my children and nothing can change that. But sometimes, even through the smile, its harder than you think.
So, don't judge the mother at the bus stop with 3 kids running around acting a plum fool. At least she still has them and they are not wards of the state.

Signed,
A mom in her feelings today~

Parents Mess Up 2

Recently, my daughter made the dance team at her school.. I'm not going to lie, I was a bit amazed that she made the team.

She's a lot like me and that includes not having rhythm like ME!!! Lol I mean, I've never been big on dancing, I grew up as a church girl and when I did go out or party I kept it simple... The basic moves that allowed me to look cute and hip. To my amazement, my family was yet surprised, when I too made the cheer leading team in high school.

Aha, I just passed those same reaction on to my child... WOW!!

Wednesday, the Rubies ( her dance team) had their very First performance at the local Whole Foods as a fundraiser for their school.

One of my clients who has stepped into the role as her Big Sister, attended the event with her as I was still working.  While Li was home preparing for the event, I told her( as I do daily) to focus and have fun. She got dressed, I combed her hair and she was off!!

As they prepared to dance, her Big Sis sent me a number of pics and she sent 2 videos of the performance!! I sat there and smiled and watched the video over and over again... My baby girl did that performance!!! My heart was on a 15!! Hype I tell ya!!

Li arrived back home with her big sis and I gave her the biggest hug and kiss!! And that moment was ruined when her sis said I sent you a text... I read it and my eyes swelled with water and my heart sank. She asked her why wasn't she happy about dancing and my daughter responded, " My mom is always saying I have no rhythm and it makes me sad".... Slice, right across my heart!! Dang, I just passed my own negative experiences to my daughter.. Dang that stung.. It was in that moment I realized I gotta do better and I cannot belittle anything she enjoys bc it wasn't embraced for me..

Parenting is challenging. Some days are good, some are bad but in order for our children to excel we have to speak the truth with LOVE and Support them even when it looks dim.

I hugged my baby girl and apologized. I reminded her that I love her and I'm proud of her. I also told her to continue dancing( oh she's a local cheerleader too) bc it makes her HAPPY..

Signed,
I made a Mistake as a Mom and said Sorry!