But HE knows..

We all need great friends. I always thought men and women could never be friends without sleeping together. When I was younger, if you talked to a guy and he had a girlfriend, you were trying to steal him. If you had a friend who was married, your name came up in an argument because you want him.. The lists go on and on..  

Oh have I proven each one wrong. Some of my best friendships are with men. One of my longest standing friendships is with a guy. One of my first friends when I 1st moved to Boston and lived on Columbia Rd. To this day( and he's married) we're thick as thieves. I give him a woman's perspective when he and the Mrs have a disagreement and he gives me the male perspective when I'm receiving mixed signals from guys I met. 

I'm appreciative to all of my male friendships. I've learned that it's okay to have male friends. Just this week, another close male friend and I discussed boundaries. And whether or not we believe we should have them; boundaries are sometimes needed. They keep you from making choices you'll later regret. 

Not only do our husbands, boyfriends and guy friends need us but to some degree we need them too. 

Aside from my brothers, some of my most sound advice and support, comes from my guy friends. 

True friendships are hard to come by. Especially friendships of the opposite sex. We determine the level of respect and appreciation given in these friendships. I must admit, if you think you may be attracted to a guy friend, do not cross those lines and try and build a relationship. Not that I've ever done it but I'm sure if it doesn't work you can't go back to just kicking it! 

Today, I stand firm in being a confidant, good listener, no crap taker in my guy friendships. Sometimes, the pill is hard to serve when you have to speak harsh truths but if the friendship is true, you get thru it, you grow and remain tight!! 

Shout out to my homies who appreciate the kid.. I appreciate and love y'all too!! 

Signed, 

Simply Thankful for my guy homies!! 

My Love...

...and if you threw a party, you invited everyone you knew. You would see, the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say, Thank You for being a FRIEND... ~Golden Girls 

I promise I want to grow old with my best friend Moneka Mashaè( I'm Cheneka Trenè, creepy lol). I've lost count of the years, I know it's 20plus. When we 1st met, it was not peaches -n-cream. More like oil and water. But as time progressed, we grew to love and appreciate each other. 

Although we've always been in different states, it's never caused any issues. 

The last few months have been a bit trying for the both of us. I must admit it has strengthened our friendship on a whole new level. I've always prayed for her and covered her but to actually pray with her during some dark times solidified that we didn't become friends just because. She is my sister, my kids' Aunti. She's my ROD( to the fullest). 

We've been pushing each other out of our comfort zones for the last 2 months. We've agreed to become each other's  accountability partners as well. 

It's evident that in this life, we all need that one person ( or 2 or 3) we can count on when there's no 1 else. 

We've both had a few petitions before God. I've been battling with continuing my business, education and job. She's been battling with her job. We both gave each other deadlines and I'm proud to say that as of today, we both have new jobs, my business will continue to flourish and I'm going to kick school's butt! With her, I've found strength and a new level of appreciation of her and our friendship. 

My Lovies, I challenge you to take a moment and let your closest know how much you truly appreciate them. I'm blessed beyond measure to have her and a few others who show me daily that they have my back. I pray that I'll continue to always have each of them around... 

Signed, 

Simply Grateful Cheneka 

My Pushers...

Anyone who truly knows me know that Chelia and Matthew mean the world to me. Parenthood has its ups and downs but for the most part each day I rise to the occasion. I question how my life has turned out at times but in the scheme of things, the 3 of us were destined to be a family( and I'm confident in knowing our little family will soon be complete). 

Some big things are about to take place in our lives. With the 1st being my return to school. As I rearranged my wall art tonight, I added pictures from our family photoshoot this summer. My children are my motivation to keep striving for excellence. I have to set the standard for each of them to model. Each morning I wake( after I pray) I will look at their faces. At night while I study and prepare for the next phase of lives I will look at them. 

For my daughter: We may fall babygirl but we get back up. We never ever quit. Sometimes, we have to travel alone and that's ok. The goal is to work hard at everything you set your mind to accomplish. Sometimes you have to stop talking about it and be about it. Work hard, play later. 

For my son: Always strive for greatness. Defeat is not apart of our vocabulary. We will always keep trying until we succeed. Just because life throws a few curve balls our way, we will still proceed with the plan. Always strive for excellence. Work hard, play later. 

My Lovies, 2016 will only be as great as we make it. Set goals and keep them. Make sacrifices, make changes, become better, do better, be honest, be kind, be loving, be In Love, be smarter than your dumbest choice.... Challenge yourself to complete everything you've set out to do.  I'm nervous but for once I'm confident. Confident in myself and where I am right now. I'm ready to soar.. And as long as my little people and a few very special people are in my corner; I got this.. 

Signed, 

Neka T. Speaks 

Just Live...

" I promise you, when you learn to live and keep personal highs and lows to yourself, Life is Better." -CTH

Lately, I've been in my own world. Writing more, finding new hobbies, branding my business and enjoying new and old friendships. And the point of it all( channeling Anthony Hamilton,hey boo) I'm not competing with anyone but myself. Yes, MYself. Each day my goal is to be better than yesterday. Smile more: less tears. Indulge in great conversations: less frustration. You get my point.

When we embrace the simple things life has to offer, there we find meaning. 

I remember when I kissed my crush for the 1st time, Nickoyan( but we called him Craig). We were in the hallway of my building and he cornered me on the third floor. I never shared it with anyone and although he's now deceased; that will forever be a moment in time: Remembered. 

There are certain moments in life that will take our breathe away. And if they mean anything, it's something we'll forever hold on to. 

The saying, " With age comes wisdom", has certainly began to make sense to me since entering my late 30's. 

I digress. 

I celebrated 36 years of life on 2/16. I thought I needed a lot of people around to celebrate with me. Made plans, for Sunday night and expected people to come out and it flopped. The immature Cheneka would've been in her feelings. But the mature, grown woman Nek just smiled. On my actual birthday, I enjoyed a bag of Garden Harvest Sun Chips and went to Old Navy! Since I AM A BOSS I had to work a few hours and the remainder of the evening was spent with my Momm and children. The highlight was some amazing cupcakes and wine! Yummy 

Simple was definitely at its best. 

Today my loves, I challenge you to just be happy. You enjoy talking to someone? Call them and let them know( texts are good but if you really like them a call is much better)..

You kissed someone and it gave you goosebumps, kiss them again ( more passionately). 

You like hugs? Hug on someone today. It's brisk outside, a warm embrace will definitely take the chill away. 

You saw something and didn't purchase it? Go back and get it. 

You want to register for a class? Do it!  

What's holding you back? What's stopping you? I hope it's not people. They hold no power over us unless we give it to them.. Just because I'm not telling you does not mean I'm not living, being happy and doing me.. Because I am. I'm just learning that simple is best. The less people you tell, the less mess there is to spread!! 

Toodles my good people & Make it Great!! 

Signed, 

I'm Winning and it feels Good! 

Heather my New mommy friend...: A Survivor...

 When I typically hear the word Cancer, I think of Lung Cancer, Breast Cancer, Throat Cancer, Remission, Pink Ribbons, Chemotherapy, losing hair, losing weight and the ultimate.. DEATH.

 I've seen the St. Jude commercials for young children who are fighting to live, I've supported The Susan G. Komen efforts, my Aunts have fought breast cancer and Won, my daughter's bus driver has started treatment and even I have fought thru what my Doctor, thought was the onset of it developing in my hand. But
never have I had the opportunity to actual read and listen to someone's story until my blog opened up communication between Heather Von St. James and I. After the initial email between Heather and I, I began to read her blog and find out about more about her.
 She's wife to Cameron and Mommy to Lily Rose her only child). Lily Rose is a quirky little girl and she's EVERYTHING to Heather.

She grew up in South Dakota and was a daddy's girl. Her father was a construction worker and when he came home with the white powdery substances on his boots/clothes nobody ever thought anything about it. In 2005, shortly after giving birth to Lily, she began to experience problems with breathing and carried an alarmingly high fever. Later, test showed she had a serious form of Mesothelioma, Asbestos Cancer which was rarely seen in someone her age.

As she and I communicated, she said her biggest worry and concern was, who would care for Lily if she were not there? After talking to some of the best Dr's in the world at Brigham and Women's Hospital, she and her husband traveled to Boston( My hometown) to began the process to remove the bad lung.

I wasn't sure what Heather really wanted from me upon our first initial encounter but as I read more it became clear.. Share with my audience.

I always say, my writing is therapeutic but in this case, I was a vessel used to share awareness. Please click on the link to read more about Heather and find out ways you too can support her and her cause.

http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/heather/

Heather, Thank YOU for reaching out to me. After reading your story, I'm a bit more familiar with this form of cancer as well. Being a voice and supporting others is part of our life's mission. I'm glad I was able to do my part on today~~

You can follow Heather on twitter @heathervsj

The Unlikeliest WAYS.....

 I'm a writer. It's a passion of mine. I can sit and write for days, as long as the mood is there and my hand is hot( a phrase that means so many things in my life). As I reflect on my last few entries, I've talked about a number of things. And with my blogs, I've received quite a few responses from people I know and random readers.

 To my surprise, my last entry received a simple, Hey Can you contact me about your blog, followed by in email in my comment section. First thing I did, was become defensive. In a matter of minutes I go from, I hope this isn't an anti-discipline demonstrator reaching out to me to; I swear I just write what I feel and  people can agree or disagree but don't bring the drama to me( yeah Cheneka was about to surface but I quickly spoke to her and said, Peace be still girl)~~~ LOL

I don't think I responded right away because I wanted to approach the situation delicately. I mean, I totally disregarded the fact that it could've been a parent just reaching out to me for moral support and advice( isn't it awful that most of us tend to expect the worse than looking on the bright side).
 I finally composed my email and added this disclaimer, "I write what I feel and you have the right to disagree or agree".  I never expected this....

Hi Neka! Thanks for the reply! The reason I have reached out to you is because of your blog! I am 43 and a mother to a quirky little 7 year old, Lily. She is my only child, and my whole world. When Lily was just 3 1/2 months old, I was diagnosed with Mesothelioma; a type of cancer that kills 90-95% of those who have it. As I’m sure you can imagine, the first thing that came to mind when I was diagnosed was my baby girl and how I wasn’t going to be able to watch her grow up.

After intense treatment and recovery, I’m still here 6 1/2 years later and cancer free! My journey with cancer was a terrifying one and I'd like to turn my pain into purpose and become someone that other people can look to for guidance, inspiration, and hope in situations like my own. I contacted you because I feel that your blog would be an excellent place for me to share my story. I realize that you may be thinking my story is not exactly a perfect fit for your blog audience, but I’m trying to raise awareness of this horrible little known cancer that is such a deadly killer (and sadly, 100% preventable) 

WOW, wasn't expecting that.. With life, the kids, my business and other obligations I haven't had time to breath.. But, I made a commitment to myself to write more. Why not let my first blog in weeks be about something of importance? My blog audience, I'd like to introduce you to Heather and Lily

Please check back on tomorrow and journey with me to share Heather's story.  Just my luck, a blog about discipline opened my eyes to a Mother who understands the struggle, who has suffered and WON.. And with all she's faced, still has the time to raise a child, who will be a wonderful addition to the world and NOT a Spawn of Chuckie!!! (LOL, no pun intended)

My buddy Heather, tomorrow will be your day to shine unless one of these Spawns of ChUckie tie me up.... NOT~~

Signed~

I met a friend....

It's Only a Test....

"We're only as strong the commitments we make and the friendships that are tied to them"

I'm guilty.. Guilty of getting upset with people, not telling them how I truly feel and then writing them off. Yup, I'm admitting it. I know that I'm extra, but my extraness makes me. I'm extra with loving hard and pushing others but I fail with doing the same thing with myself.

Yesterday's message at church was a tough pill to swallow because Pastor Dee was talking to me. I follow thru with my child, I have consistency with her. But when it comes to me, yeah I fail. I instantly thought of a few friendships I've made during my short time in Georgia and it made heart ache. I'm secure and confident in who I am and I sometimes expect each person I meet to posses some of these same qualities. I'm learning that, we're all made different for specific reasons.

I sat and thought of my mission in life. I'm here to be a service to women and children. I'm always reminded of my 1st year here when I didn't have a huge support team. I had a few relatives here but there was distance between us. When I finally landed a job it was then I began to meet people. Thru meeting various people I learned more about me as I encountered people of different backgrounds and lifestyles.

Yesterday, I spent sometime with a sisterfriend. It's funny how we always expect to be the one teaching a lesson when in actuality, the lesson has already been taught we just need to live by the results.
It's funny, I've felt for a while since I've been away from Boston, I've become an out of mind our of sight relationship with quite a few people. How ironic, I felt the same way about the sistergirl I was with. And it hit me like a ton of breaks, God allowed our paths to cross for a specific reason. I'm here to encourage and help and just because a person has been removed it doesn't mean the task has been completed. After our conversation yesterday, God reminded me that the work wasn't done and although I thought it was he reminded me, do unto others as I do unto you. and that means, the same way God blesses me I'm to pass it forward and bless others.

I know personally that sometimes, I give up. I don't give up because I'm lazy, I give up when I feel a person isn't listening or trying. Hmmmmmm, but GOD never gives up on me. Lately, alot of things have been returning to my memory because( like I previously stated) my path has crossed with specific people for specific reasons.

I can no longer fail these simple test. I need to take responsibility for who and what has been placed in my path and do whatever the job is that has been set before me. Task are not complicated, we make them complicated by not following thru and having to revisit them down the line.

I'm never to big to apologize and I found myself in a somewhat of an apologetic state with a few people I've encountered. I'm not sorry because it failed or we fell out. I'm sorry I didn't pass the test. My test are tied up to my blessings, if I pass I'm blessed. If I fail, I have to start from the beginning all over again. Sheesh, that's a lot of work!

So, today my challenge is that we find the strength within ourselves to simply pass the test. I mean seriously, how hard can it be? Just like in school you either know the answer or you don't. PERIOD~

Each day I become stronger when I help someone else. When I help to build character and provide consistency and share how I really feel vs walking away, I'm doing the work God has placed me on Earth to do!

~Make your Day gREat and your life gReater~