New Outlook

For the last 3 years like clockwork, I shut down my social media accounts at the beginning of the year and I focus and gain prespective. I'm not a facebooker but I love Instagram. I love checking out other people's pictures and I like looking for inspiration. BUT, I'll admit I started to  find myself comparing and wishing my life was like some of the people who posted happy faces daily.

Now, understand me well. I absolutely love my life. I love being Mommy, I LOVE writing and inspiring others. However, seeing people in these happy go lucky relationships was getting the best of me... Then it hit me. most of these people are in one sided relationships, hidden relationships and they lack the true essence of caring, love and appreciation.

As a single mother and woman, I made up in my mind to stay single until the right one comes along. Truth is, because I've been so guarded and always have my wall up, I haven't been the easiest person to approach. YES, I'm admiting it, I'm hard when it comes to love. I think I know so much and I'm so good but I'm not. In the back of my mind, I always hear, " You have a type Cheneka", " You just can't settle Cheneka"... Blah blaah blaaaaaaaaaah, conditioned thinking.

I never really thought about what would happen if I stepped out of that box and just started to live. Be open. Closed hands do not get fed and closed hearts never recieve the love they deserve. And let's not talk about the age thing( older men, younger men...blahhhhhhhh).

My last real relationship was close to 4 years ago. Don't get me wrong, I've entertained guy friends and a few I thought would lead to more but they didn't. I won't take the full blame for it not becoming more but I will say maybe I wasn't always easy or ready. Recently, one of my childhood/ teenage Best friends married the love of her life. He's an older guy and he treats her like the Queen she is. Their love excites me and gives me hope. And although she and I may not speak every single like we once did, I'm beyond happy for her and I wish them years of happiness and love.

But my question is.... Is it true? Are older men the way to go?
I've never really entertained the thought because I never wanted to feel like I'm looking for a daddy, someone to take care of me so to say. My therapist did say, alot of my trust issues stem from "Daddy Issues"... But, when the guys your age aren't acting right and they lie and are immature, the best thing to do is go OLDER, right??!!!

My  Atlanta Pastor ( LaBryant Friend) once said, " Sometimes your type is the reason you're by yourself".. I laughed when he said it but he was on the money with the statement. Now friends, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying we have to settle but sometimes we have to be willing to try something different. Step outside of the box and forget everything you've been conditioned to think and believe. Good men are everywhere, we just have to be willing to let them be the man..

PJ Morton sings it best in his song Fly Away~

"What would you say if I asked you to come with me, would you forget the details and all the  technicalities?
Cover your eyes take my hand and follow me, we could fly away..
Don't you worry about a thing, let your mind go free and forget everything. I'll be the wind under your wings... So we can fly away" La La La La.....

One of my last post of 2017, I spoke dating and marriage over my life. I'm not getting any younger but I do know I have love in my heart and I would love to share it with someone... I'm ready to fly away....

Be open this year in all things pertaining work, love and finances. It's time that we all live the lives we were destined for.

"Psalms 32:8, I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye"...


Signed,
Cheneka is Changing

But I wasn't looking at YOU....

My lovely people, its been a while and I have missed thee so. Life has been busy for me but that's no excuse.
I now have a 13 year old and a 6 year old. Let's just say, I'm really on my toes these days with the 6 year old. Full of lessons, fun and tears. To think, I ever doubted myself in this role of raising a son is absolutely crazy. God has given me strength that I never knew exsisted. His father and I have come a very long way and for that I'm extremely grateful. (We still disagree from time to time but it's healthy in order to be great co-parents and friends).

He and his sister argue like strangers in the night but I would'nt have it any other way. They are the loves of my life, not my whole life though because I believe the right man is enroute.. Yeah, I'm a bit more optimistic these days. I've always had a type but as I'm growing and maturing more, my type hasn't always worked, causing me to be more open to others... I'm sure a blog or 2 will come to pass sooner than later...

I do have a question though..... How do you respond to, " What are you looking at"? When my son gets in trouble, he's quick to ask his sister what is she looking at. Being the quick teenager she is, like clock work she responds, "Not you".. When I tell you its funny to me, I crack up every time.. BUT what about when a man says it, how does it make you feel? Do you feel slighted, does it anger you? Do you feel dissed?? I try mybest to ignore when men try to grab my attention. Sometimes, I'm just not up for the foolishness. Recently, a guy said to me, "Ms or MRS"? I thought, miss me with this bull... I digress


I was talking to a guy friend and he proceeded to tell me about a misunderstanding that went south. He was at the gas station and he happen to be looking back(missing a few bits and pieces) and 2 women assumed he was looking at them. LOng story short, he wasnt and they proceeded to act like donkeys, yelling and cursing. They even pulled outh their phones and started recording!!MA'AM!!!

 Women, do we sometimes act foolish for no reason and men, do you sometimes add salt to injury with a hard cold diss??

It happens more than it should but ladies, all men aren't looking at us. And men, just because we acknowledge you doesn't mean we want you.

When I see a handsome man or even a beautiful woman, because I'm secure in who I am: I have no issue with complimenting them. I'll take it even further, I may not even be checking you out physically, I may be drwan to how you're dressed. I love to see well dressed men and I love to see well dressed women. It gives me ideas on how to arrange pieces in my closet and a well dressed man gives me hope....sighhhh

As we get older, our approach with the opposite sex changes. We're either attracted to them or we're not. We may look but it's not always a situation where we want to touch. We may wink only
 because they smiled or nodded. Let's stop confusing every man as a boy raging with hormones and
men stop assuming you're going to get it just because.

I may not have been looking at you to get with you but I was checking you out!! Let's admit it and move forward..

Signed,
Blogging for the mature and sexy

But HE knows..

We all need great friends. I always thought men and women could never be friends without sleeping together. When I was younger, if you talked to a guy and he had a girlfriend, you were trying to steal him. If you had a friend who was married, your name came up in an argument because you want him.. The lists go on and on..  

Oh have I proven each one wrong. Some of my best friendships are with men. One of my longest standing friendships is with a guy. One of my first friends when I 1st moved to Boston and lived on Columbia Rd. To this day( and he's married) we're thick as thieves. I give him a woman's perspective when he and the Mrs have a disagreement and he gives me the male perspective when I'm receiving mixed signals from guys I met. 

I'm appreciative to all of my male friendships. I've learned that it's okay to have male friends. Just this week, another close male friend and I discussed boundaries. And whether or not we believe we should have them; boundaries are sometimes needed. They keep you from making choices you'll later regret. 

Not only do our husbands, boyfriends and guy friends need us but to some degree we need them too. 

Aside from my brothers, some of my most sound advice and support, comes from my guy friends. 

True friendships are hard to come by. Especially friendships of the opposite sex. We determine the level of respect and appreciation given in these friendships. I must admit, if you think you may be attracted to a guy friend, do not cross those lines and try and build a relationship. Not that I've ever done it but I'm sure if it doesn't work you can't go back to just kicking it! 

Today, I stand firm in being a confidant, good listener, no crap taker in my guy friendships. Sometimes, the pill is hard to serve when you have to speak harsh truths but if the friendship is true, you get thru it, you grow and remain tight!! 

Shout out to my homies who appreciate the kid.. I appreciate and love y'all too!! 

Signed, 

Simply Thankful for my guy homies!! 

For my Sisters...

I'll Never ever compromise who I am

But when I see things worth sharing I must.. So here's my truth, I've been single for close to 3 years now. In this time I had to heal, refresh and learn things all over again. Honestly, I've never been one to flirt and such because I honestly just don't know how. What I would consider flirting never worked.. Sighh

I've just never been one to approach a man. I mean, let me be great! I feel the man is supposed to pursue me, sorry not sorry( hence the single life lol).. 

I saw this post and instantly I saw the truth in it. And while this isn't to bash men, it's definitely an eye opener to how and what they feel when we do not require more. Here's a truth.... I've met guys before and it's been a textaship.. Yes, I made that up. Lol

Not a real friendship because we just texted. I learned from doing so, 1, they'll soon fall off or 2, you'll soon become bored. And while either or both could occur, the fact remains neither of us requires anything of each other so this is the outcome. 

I honestly believe that sometimes men are just as nervous as we are about dating. And just like us, they experienced bad break ups, divorce, cheating, feelings of insecurity etc... 

But how do we start the process of requiring more? It's all so simple to say what could be done but it's not always so easy to follow through. 

Texting is cool, even fun. But if you're over 30( clears throat on the far side of 30, bless God..lol), your vocabulary should consist more than, WYD, TTYL, Lol, GM, GN, ROTF etc.. 

Hey, have a conversation with me, intrigue my mind. Give me something to look forward too. I'll admit, I like texting only because I like my iPhone. But baby, don't be fooled because I can talk your ear off in real life. I've had to learn that sometimes I must leave room for the guy to talk.  And although a few potentials have told me they enjoy listening to me talk, in actuality I'm talking because you're not engaging me. A requirement is, I need to hear your voice at least once a day. I need to know you were thinking of me just a little and you wanted to hear my voice. 

In dating and getting to know each other; simple gestures can easily become overlooked if they're not done consistently. A morning text definitely makes you smile BUT that afternoon call, where your face pops up on my screen as you're calling is awesome! 

A thinking of you text mid-day is cool but that phone call where he says, " I'm on break and I only have a few minutes so I called just to hear your voice", will get a kiss! Hey, we're all adults and we need to be real about our likes and dislikes. 

Ladies lets face it, sometimes we have to teach a man how to treat us. And if your lessons are incomplete and without directives, you're not failing him. You're ultimately failing yourself. 

This time around, I'm not failing. I'm putting what I want out there. I'm no longer dating to just date. I'm dating with my future in mind. Yea, I'll text you BUT it's required that I hear your voice. Yea, I'll entertain your short hand text but in person I'm going to stimulate your vocabulary. 

Let's stop settling and get what we want out of life and love. 

My Lovies, I challenge you to be with someone who makes you feel like you're on top of the world. Be with someone who adores you, who looks forward to seeing you. Be with someone who wants to know your plans for the future and not just where they fit in your life for right now. We're to old to play games.. 

And today's soapbox blog edition was bought to you courtesy of a post on instagram( are you following me? My personal handle is neka_th and my blog IG, NekaTSpeaks, cause chile I have a lot to say)!! 

Signed, 

I'm more than a Text!! 

PS... Thoughts and comments are appreciated, share them)! 

Only a King...

"And He will give his Queen his Heart as long as she can handle it" CTH™

There are some really great men in this world. I've met quite a few good, bad, indifferent and a few I could've passed on. But none the less, I learned something from each of them. 

When I moved to Georgia, I was in a relationship and I never really got the chance to date or interact with any here. Boy have things changed, in a good way. 

Now that I'm older( I was freshly turning 30 my 1st year here), my likes and dislikes have totally changed where men are concerned. To ME, Southern men posses a different quality than Northern men. No tea nor shade, it's just different. 

At first, I didn't quite understand. I thought that Southern men were just slow. But as I began to learn about the Southern culture and re-evaluate my Northern upbringing it began to make sense. 

As I'm going into my 6th year transforming into a Southern Belle, I'm

impressed with the gentlemen I've encountered. Hardworking men, Bearded Men, Dedicated Fathers( and IF he has children, it's best that you have them to because this is a ride only a seasoned Mother can handle( IMO). His children are his prize and although he's interested in you, he's paying close attention to how you interact with your children AND his when and IF you meet them. And women, let's be clear, your King will NOT be your child's Uncle tread lightly with whom you allow into their lives as well), Frats, lovers of God, Respectable, Kind and let's face it, some are down right Handsome and easy on my eyes. 

Women, there are Kings out here. But they are not looking for bad Bi$&@es, they're looking for someone to match what they have. They're looking for a Woman who can handle her business, assist him with his, cook, clean, clean up well and take care of the empire they are building together. (Let's face it, material things are nice but who's really spending money on red bottoms? Not I.. DSW serves me well! Lol However, my handbag game is fierce, Ask About me.. Let me focus... Lol)

For many years, I thought I needed to have someone to validate me. I fooled myself. My journey of being single IS producing a Woman of Grace, Elegance and Character. My King will match my qualities and where I lack, I'm sure he'll hold it down ( and vs versa).. 

Today my Lovies, I challenge each of us to be kind to the opposite sex. We never know what's going on inside of his/ her four walls. Be kind and caring. You never know, that just might be your Forever Mate.. 

Signed, 

CheckMate, He Loves Me( in my Jill Scott voice) 

It Could All be so Simple....

Who remembers writing these notes?!! I DO!! Why can't it still be this simple? I just want to go for a walk, hold your hand and tell you I like you.. 

But I can't. 

Signed, 

I Like You... Sighhhhh 

PS... This blog is Not to any 1 person in particular. Just had a nostalgic moment when I came across the note. I was reminded of simpler times.. But if you think I like you, I probably do! Lol

To Date or Not to Date....

Life is crazy sometimes... We marry, get engaged, date, get boo'd up and somewhere between Happy and Cloud9, it turns into a bad break up/ Divorce. 

Don't get me wrong, it doesn't happen to everyone but it happens and at a high rate. 

I have my fears of entering the scene again. Why? I JUST Do and from what I hear, men have these same exact thoughts to. 

After you've spent so many years with one person, where do you began with starting over? Who has the patience to learn someone new all over again? While returning to the X is never an option( for me) even though it feels comfortable to most, it's toxic ( they've been X'd out for a reason), it's just hard starting over. 

Personally, I would absolutely die being compared to someone's X and in the same breath, I would never compare either. It's an insult, a slap. We should all aim for a Gentleman, no part-time Punks here. Men aim for a Lady, no attitude carrying woman with past issues still lingering. 

As we all maneuver this thing called life and finding happiness, let's be mindful of whom we encounter and careful not to lead them on. ( there was this one time in band camp, I kissed a dude and he smushed my face! Tuh, I kid. I wish a ninja would) 

It takes a strong Man and even stronger woman( because we're emotional beings) to lay what we're feeling, our needs and wants on the table  and not get upset if the counterpart can't fulfill or accept them. 

I'm treading these waters lightly, glasses on and heart protected. So far, so good. 

Today my Lovies, enjoy You and be selective with whom you're spending time with and whom you decide to give the cookies to. Everyone is not deserving.. ( and men just because she has the cookie, she may not be deserving of your pipe, oops)!!! You'll know in your heart and in time when it just feels right. And if it feels right, go with the flow. 

We all deserve a few smiles and happiness here and there without the title and strings attached until we're ready.. 

Signed, 

Cheneka is Human....