New Outlook

For the last 3 years like clockwork, I shut down my social media accounts at the beginning of the year and I focus and gain prespective. I'm not a facebooker but I love Instagram. I love checking out other people's pictures and I like looking for inspiration. BUT, I'll admit I started to  find myself comparing and wishing my life was like some of the people who posted happy faces daily.

Now, understand me well. I absolutely love my life. I love being Mommy, I LOVE writing and inspiring others. However, seeing people in these happy go lucky relationships was getting the best of me... Then it hit me. most of these people are in one sided relationships, hidden relationships and they lack the true essence of caring, love and appreciation.

As a single mother and woman, I made up in my mind to stay single until the right one comes along. Truth is, because I've been so guarded and always have my wall up, I haven't been the easiest person to approach. YES, I'm admiting it, I'm hard when it comes to love. I think I know so much and I'm so good but I'm not. In the back of my mind, I always hear, " You have a type Cheneka", " You just can't settle Cheneka"... Blah blaah blaaaaaaaaaah, conditioned thinking.

I never really thought about what would happen if I stepped out of that box and just started to live. Be open. Closed hands do not get fed and closed hearts never recieve the love they deserve. And let's not talk about the age thing( older men, younger men...blahhhhhhhh).

My last real relationship was close to 4 years ago. Don't get me wrong, I've entertained guy friends and a few I thought would lead to more but they didn't. I won't take the full blame for it not becoming more but I will say maybe I wasn't always easy or ready. Recently, one of my childhood/ teenage Best friends married the love of her life. He's an older guy and he treats her like the Queen she is. Their love excites me and gives me hope. And although she and I may not speak every single like we once did, I'm beyond happy for her and I wish them years of happiness and love.

But my question is.... Is it true? Are older men the way to go?
I've never really entertained the thought because I never wanted to feel like I'm looking for a daddy, someone to take care of me so to say. My therapist did say, alot of my trust issues stem from "Daddy Issues"... But, when the guys your age aren't acting right and they lie and are immature, the best thing to do is go OLDER, right??!!!

My  Atlanta Pastor ( LaBryant Friend) once said, " Sometimes your type is the reason you're by yourself".. I laughed when he said it but he was on the money with the statement. Now friends, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying we have to settle but sometimes we have to be willing to try something different. Step outside of the box and forget everything you've been conditioned to think and believe. Good men are everywhere, we just have to be willing to let them be the man..

PJ Morton sings it best in his song Fly Away~

"What would you say if I asked you to come with me, would you forget the details and all the  technicalities?
Cover your eyes take my hand and follow me, we could fly away..
Don't you worry about a thing, let your mind go free and forget everything. I'll be the wind under your wings... So we can fly away" La La La La.....

One of my last post of 2017, I spoke dating and marriage over my life. I'm not getting any younger but I do know I have love in my heart and I would love to share it with someone... I'm ready to fly away....

Be open this year in all things pertaining work, love and finances. It's time that we all live the lives we were destined for.

"Psalms 32:8, I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye"...


Signed,
Cheneka is Changing

With Loving Kindness Have I drawn Thee.......

My lovies!! It's been a while. Life has bought about numerous changes for me. Good, Bad and indifferent but still I thrive to be the best version of Cheneka. There's so much I could say but I'll keep it to a minimum...

I guess you're wondering who are the 2 women in the picture. One is Mother Kelley(COGIC) and the other is longtime church friend from back home, Vera Brown. Well what is COGIC? It's the Grand ole Church Of God In Christ... Where you can't join in, you must be born in( no seriously it's an old convocation song we sang in Massachusetts Juridiction #1)

"This is the church of God in Christ,
This is the church of God in Christ,
You can't join in
You must be born in
This is the Church of God in Christ....."( As I hear the late Bishop LC Young singing)..

So why the picture and how does the title go with the picture?

There have been a number of videos posted since last year on facebook. Just yesterday, I saw the ones being posted on instagam. While I have not seen the video in it's entirety, I will say my heart was a bit saddened. WHY??? And trust me, this blog is not a bashing, it's merely my thoughts but sometimes before we laugh, we should consider the feelings of the other person.. I will be honest and say, growing up it was the typical thing to laugh and mock a person as they shouted in church. We were young and spent a good amount of church with the same people every single week.

But as I've gotten older and developed my own relationship with God, I've come to understand before we open our mouths to judge, consider the person.

We fully  never understand a person until we've gotten to know them. Some people were not born attending church. Some people found God after dealing with situations that should've killed them. Some found the church by default, some found the church while they were getting high.. And instead of being embraced: alot of these people have been mocked, talked about and even ridiculed.
People have experienced all types of hurt in the church and it's never ever been addressed( and the hurt goes DEEP). The church is supposed to be the one place you go to feel loved BUT it has now become the place that so many people refuse to walk into.

GOD IS LOVE~ God is pure LOVE~

"Long ago the lord said to Israel, " I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love have I drawn you to myself". ~ Jeremiah 31:3 NLT  I've learned that rebuke comes in many different forms. But open rebuke can be the most harmful when it's not followed by correction and love.  WE judge people based on their appearance and it's not fair. A person only does better when they are taught better.

I've learned sometimes, we have to meet people where they are and be ok with it. If you truly want to know a person's heart, sit and talk with them. No alternative motives, no underline schemes, just one on one conversation.

In order for us to reclaim the church and for God to truly operate and see MIRACLES, SIGNS and WONDERS let's get back to showing love. Let's return to where love is an ACTION followed by teaching and nurturing. GOD is perfect therefore LOVE should be perfect. If we continue how we are, we're going to continue losing souls by the dozen.

I ask that each of you say a prayer for Vera tonight....

Signed,
I don't just go to church, I AM the CHURCH
~Cheneka

I chose Victory....

I remember always thinking, when I have children they'll have their father's last name, they'll have this, they'll have that. All because I do not carry my father's last name.

Did it effect me as a child? Sure it did. Did it define me as an adult? No it did not. 

I remember growing up always remembering things from my childhood that were always not good. Yes I had fun as a kid but to me, it wasn't the fun that other kids talked about. 

Did it effect me as a child? Sure it did. Did it define me as an adult? No it did not. 

One of my biggest lessons, biggest spiritual breakthroughs came in the form of forgiveness. Yes I've heard many people say, you have to forgive so You'll heal. While that maybe true, I soon learned not only do you have to heal but you also have to forgive yourself so that you can move one.  

I know, why are you forgiving yourself? You're forgiving yourself because, if you're anything like me, you carried the weight of not feeling good enough. You carried the weight of being mad at yourself, you carried the weight of whatever was done against you. 

It's so second nature to carry extra baggage when you don't have too. We pick it up and it becomes part of our genetic make up. We carry being the victim almost like its a badge. 

I was hurt

I was ignored

I was talked about 

I was laughed at

I was judged

I suffered.....

You become tired of it but you don't know how to drop it. You want to smile but you lost it being mad at yourself because of how someone made you feel. 

When and how do you take back ownership of your own life? You forgive yourself and cut the excess  off! Is it hard? 

Yes it's hard.

Will it be easy? No it won't. 

But will it be worth it?  Yes it will. 

My lovies, let today be the day you chose YOUR victory. Let today be the start of something new for you. No more self pity, no more blaming, no more carrying the weight of the world. Carry your own stuff, that's all you're fully responsible for anyway. 

Join me in choosing, VICTORY!! 

Signed, 

Simply Forgiven, Simply Victorious, Simply Cheneka 

Don't just clean the Outside...

Owning a vehicle isn't always what it's cracked up to be.. But if you want it to run poroperly, maintenance is a plus. I spent a little time at Meineke this am. I was scheduled for an oil change but I ended up needing a little more done( wasn't in the budget but where there's a will there's a way). 

After leaving, it hit me that my truck hadn't been cleaned outside nor inside since Thanksgiving. There's a $4 express car wash in my neighborhood so I stopped. Can I tell you if felt good taking care of my truck. As I went through the wash, I heard my Aunt Tric'e's voice. "You just can't clean the exterior, you have to clean the interior." I thought of my life. At one point in my life, I looked together on the outside but on the inside I was dying and dirty. I was carrying so much stuff. Some was mine and some belonged to others. They left unwanted deposits with me. 

As I began to work on my inside, it changes the appearance of my outside to match what was taking place. 

I found my happy, I found Joy. I started smiling more and I even lost some unwanted weight. 

My Lovies, as we approach the end of 2015, let's find time to clean up inside and outside. What you carry on the inside will pour outside. Be carriers of Peace, Love and Happiness. It will change your life and soon it will become your way of living. 

Today, I'm not only driving a clean truck on the outside but the inside is clean too( until the boy finds his way inside).. 

Signed, 

Simply Cheneka 

30 days...

Lastnight as I sat in the airport, I thought of my life. There has been a revolving door with people entering. And the sad part about it, many have left their baggage with me. While most would be mad, I've come to the realization it's time I dump this stuff MySelf. Asking people to take ownership is like pulling teeth. I will own my OWN mishaps and let it go.

The next phase of my life fully depends on my ability to began the process of healing myself. Most people start this process after bad break ups, divorces etc... That's great and commendable. But my process stems from harboring resentment,bad feelings &unresolved relationships etc.. 

Today, I no longer want to be Her. I no longer want to carry this weight. I'm not bitter but I'm definitely NOT better. Today, I want to start the journey of embracing better. Today, I want to began the process of healing myself. How can one do that? It starts with forgiving Yourself. 

We've all been hurt before. And if you're like me, rather than facing the hurt you've covered it up with something else. Today, I'm letting go. I physically began the process by removing some items out of my home: Closure. I also started a journal to keep track of my own growth. Somethings you cannot share with others, they just won't understand. Today begans the journey of Cheneka living a fulfilled life, with no pretense & no expectations of others. 

Yesterday I allowed raw emotions to take me to a place that acknowledged I need to be healed. 

My loves, my journey may not be yours and that's ok. The thing is we all have something we're battling. I totally encourage you to journey with me on your own path of healing. 

Signed, 

Day 1, I cried 

L.O.V.E... Above all

I changed out the art above my bed. You know how it is when your life and seasons are changing and you want to feel new? Yup, that's where I am right now. I'm just happy being ME, with no pretense. 

I LOVE Tar-Jayyyy( ⭕️target). If Target were a man, I swear we'd have a thing going on( wishful thinking). But seriously, I found these cute blocks with my initials(CH)and the word LOVE..

As I put them up, I was reminded that above all things we are to love. When Love is honest and pure with no strings attached, it will not hurt and it will forgive(people hurt people, Love never hurt a soul. Memory will also help you to never forget). I used to think that Love was determined by how much a person did for you until I realized the BEST kind of Love is when you 1st Love yourself. 

When you love yourself, you can freely Love others. And in loving others, you find it easy to give and not look for something in return. 

I. Just. Want. 2. Love. 

Lovies, I challenge you to forgive anyone you've ever loved that has hurt you. Forgive them from your heart so that you can openly Love again. There are some people we will always have Love for but will deal with them from a distance. And that's ok. One day we all will find that one person we'll just want to spend a couple of Forevers with( Yes Christette Michelle). So what if someone has failed you before. Remember it was the person and NOT Love. 

Love on purpose and in return, purpose will Love You!!! 

Signed, 

An Opened Heart ALWAYS finds Love

Just tell the truth.....

Life is hard... 

What makes it harder is when we think we know it all and we don't. I know I make tons of mistakes. I make them daily but the cool thing is knowing, God knows my heart and when I fall and make mistakes( as I'm prone to do) He's going to catch me and forgive me. 

Although I try my hardest each day to be better than yesterday, I still make mistakes. You know why? I'm human.. Along with being human, sometimes I talk out of turn and sometimes I talk to much. We all do it. Ever heard the phrase, " the gift of gab"? ( raises hand) I have. 

Since on my Journey, I've come to find out so much about me. What I perceived myself to be while in my twenties has drastically changed now that I'm older. 

It was cool being popular, now I'm content with who and what God has placed in my life. 

Dear God,

Thank You for understanding,

Thank You for talking to me and correcting Me when I'm wrong... 

It's not what people say but ultimately what you say. God I'm listening and I thank you for loving me enough to correct ME... These are my truths, love me for who I am and who I aim to be... 

Signed,

Not Perfect But I'm trying! 

Take it Awayyyy......

I LOVE the beach. I LOVE writing in the sand. I can write just about anything I want and as the tide rolls in, it's washed away.

 Hmmmmm, life is as such. We go through some thing and when the time is right God just washes it all way. Don't get me wrong, Oh we're here to go through but in the end, if the charges we're wrong, we're VINDICATED( Thanks Shauna).. And who would'nt like to be forgiven for charges that are outlandish and false accusations??

We have to take the bitter with the sweet, spit out the seeds and enjoy what is good and meant for us.

There's always a bit of Peace& Serenity set aside for us, we just have to be in the place to embrace it and let it embrace us..

So today my fellow bloggers, take a moment out of your day to get somethings off your chest.. Write them down( paper will work as your sand) and let the water remove them( well throw them away). They say the water helps us to grow, in this case, let it fresh you with a new start...

Ahhhhhh, the drawing is in the sand, now Water take it away...