Hurt people MUST Heal....

My time in Huntsville has finally come to an end. It’s been filled with lots of lessons and above all Patience. I’ve wanted to jump the gun on many occasions and leave but a block was placed each time until NOW. I couldn’t appreciate the blocks when they were there but now..... Whew! I’m better because I had to pick them up and learn the lesson while removing the sting of being here.

This morning as I’ve read through 4 years worth of blogs, I can honestly say I had to come thru Huntsville. In my early 30’s, I dated someone from here. I even intended to move here at some point. Who knew life ( GOD) already knew I’d come thru this place and it would NOT be with Mr. September!

As I reflected on life and my growth, I’m thankful for each person I’ve encountered. I’m thankful for the relationships that have truly lasted a lifetime and I’m even thankful for the ones that have been brief, for there was a lesson more than anything else.

I must say, while in HSV I’ve encountered a lot of hurt and broken people. Just recently, I was told of a conversation that was had about me. I’m sure it was meant to break me but it truly made me laugh and work harder towards my exit plan.

I believe we have to hear things in order to process how people truly feel about us. I’ve been called many things but to hear “ you ain’t shyt” was low....Whew that’s an all time low. And while I could’ve chose to blog about many things, I just want to end the year on this note.

It’s okay to seek HELP! There are so many people who are walking around bleeding out on others because they haven’t found ways to stop their own bleeding. In turn, they lash out hurtful and insensitive words because that’s all they know. They respond with hurt because they’ve been hurt.
They’re negative and even a bit selfish... if nothing else, I’ve learned now more than ever; we cannot carry the hurt and baggage of others. And if we continue to stay in that type of environment we’ll conform.

I like a good Challenge. So my lovies here goes,
I challenge each of you finish 2019 with dropping baggage that isn’t yours. Drop words curses, remove friendships/ relationships that are toxic, leave dead end jobs that will not produce growth and LOVE YOURself like only you can.

Life happens extremely fast. Do not let another 10 years pass and you’re  still in the same cycle. BREAK it! Only you can change what you do not like and only you can decide when enough is enough!

If you don’t know, you now do!

ChenekaT the Blogger is back!

I’ve laid low for a while to rebuild, refocus, rest and renew. Sometimes we have to be strong enough to admit we need a little help but we also have to know when we’ve gotten all we can and it’s time to STAND again!

It’s Wednesday and guys we’ve made it. You’re better than anything that’s trying to hurt you and tear you down! Believe it!!!

Take time to heal... and in healing it doesn’t always mean making old relationships new again. To heal  means to pull off the band aids and let fresh air hit the wound. If we keep covering it up, we’re not breathing thru it. We’re not acknowledging it. We’re aware but we haven’t tackled it.

Fight thru for your happiness and work even harder to heal your hurt. You’re no good to anyone if you’re 1st no good to yourself!

Thanks everyone who has been on this 2 year journey with me while in HSV. It’s time for me to get back to living!!

Sincerely,
The Blogging Queen,
ChenekaT

With Loving Kindness Have I drawn Thee.......

My lovies!! It's been a while. Life has bought about numerous changes for me. Good, Bad and indifferent but still I thrive to be the best version of Cheneka. There's so much I could say but I'll keep it to a minimum...

I guess you're wondering who are the 2 women in the picture. One is Mother Kelley(COGIC) and the other is longtime church friend from back home, Vera Brown. Well what is COGIC? It's the Grand ole Church Of God In Christ... Where you can't join in, you must be born in( no seriously it's an old convocation song we sang in Massachusetts Juridiction #1)

"This is the church of God in Christ,
This is the church of God in Christ,
You can't join in
You must be born in
This is the Church of God in Christ....."( As I hear the late Bishop LC Young singing)..

So why the picture and how does the title go with the picture?

There have been a number of videos posted since last year on facebook. Just yesterday, I saw the ones being posted on instagam. While I have not seen the video in it's entirety, I will say my heart was a bit saddened. WHY??? And trust me, this blog is not a bashing, it's merely my thoughts but sometimes before we laugh, we should consider the feelings of the other person.. I will be honest and say, growing up it was the typical thing to laugh and mock a person as they shouted in church. We were young and spent a good amount of church with the same people every single week.

But as I've gotten older and developed my own relationship with God, I've come to understand before we open our mouths to judge, consider the person.

We fully  never understand a person until we've gotten to know them. Some people were not born attending church. Some people found God after dealing with situations that should've killed them. Some found the church by default, some found the church while they were getting high.. And instead of being embraced: alot of these people have been mocked, talked about and even ridiculed.
People have experienced all types of hurt in the church and it's never ever been addressed( and the hurt goes DEEP). The church is supposed to be the one place you go to feel loved BUT it has now become the place that so many people refuse to walk into.

GOD IS LOVE~ God is pure LOVE~

"Long ago the lord said to Israel, " I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love have I drawn you to myself". ~ Jeremiah 31:3 NLT  I've learned that rebuke comes in many different forms. But open rebuke can be the most harmful when it's not followed by correction and love.  WE judge people based on their appearance and it's not fair. A person only does better when they are taught better.

I've learned sometimes, we have to meet people where they are and be ok with it. If you truly want to know a person's heart, sit and talk with them. No alternative motives, no underline schemes, just one on one conversation.

In order for us to reclaim the church and for God to truly operate and see MIRACLES, SIGNS and WONDERS let's get back to showing love. Let's return to where love is an ACTION followed by teaching and nurturing. GOD is perfect therefore LOVE should be perfect. If we continue how we are, we're going to continue losing souls by the dozen.

I ask that each of you say a prayer for Vera tonight....

Signed,
I don't just go to church, I AM the CHURCH
~Cheneka

All things aren't DEAD

There's a patch of grass on the side of our house. I've watched it over the course of a soon to be year this summer. It's gone from a beautiful green that I've mowed, to a burnt state. Over the last few weeks, weather in Georgia has been a bit cold. For this thick boned Northern girl to feel cold, it definitely must be cold. Oops, focus Cheneka ( I digress)... Lol


Each morning while walking my son to the bus stop, I always glance at the grass. It didn't start growing and turning green over night. It was a process.

Woe is life, the never ending growth process.
Some days you will feel you're at the peak of your game and some days you'll feel like you're losing. I've deemed this year as, " I will not lose" and " Whatever is meant for me will NOT pass me by". Just like the grass, daily we grow. Some days our growth is visible and some days, its internal growth.

Some days, our growth isn't for the world to see. Somethings we need to process and go through without the crowd. I've learned this and processed it the hard way. Hard lessons yield the most amazing growth. Take those lessons and allow them to grow you.  The tears you shed they truly water the soul.

I know we face situations and sometimes we feel that all hope is gone. Or even, were holding onto dead people and dead situations. I've learned to let it be and fall where it may. Sometimes, we have to walk away and let it die. If it's meant, there'll always be an opportunity for it to grow again. We cannot rush the process, it must happen on its own.

I challenge you to Grow. Grow in all areas of your life. When you least expect it, a situation that you felt was dead will re-surface. Because you stepped away from it, you allowed yourself the space to heal and grow. Because you took the time to work on you, you can now either work on the situation or experience closure.

Either way, allow yourself the space to grow. We're never to old and we never stop growing. It's an never ending process.. To grow!!!

Signed,
Sincerely Enjoying the growth process!!

Simply Put, Simply Cheneka

The Little Things...

These last few months, I've had to find reasons to smile because I know for sure I wanted to just say forget it! This is to hard.

I found myself talking to God more and I stopped complaining. I mean I literally STOPPED!  How was God ever going to bless me while I was so caught up in what I didn't have? It was in that moment He reminded me, " sometimes I'm all you need"..  when I tell you the moment I stopped complaining,  small blessings startedconing my way. In my alone moments, quiet moments and moments when all I could do was cry, God simply said, " So are you going to trust me"?

We get caught up in watching others get ahead that it discourages us. This morning God simply reminded me, He put something on the inside of me and it's his word. When all else fails his word will lift us up and carry us.

As I read this morning and prepared for my day, a peaceful calm overtook me. I can't explain the calm but I can say, something big is on the horizon. Not just for me but for all of us who believe. Let's take heart in God's words and promises. Let's take heart in knowing he has us.
I promise, theres always a light at the end of the tunnel. He makes provision when we can't do it naturally.

I promise, with all of the curves, God is making a straight path just because. It's not the struggle that's making us, it's our Faith in God that's building us and shaping our character.

My lovies, I challenge you to hold on. Hold on to the little things because they turn to much when we put it in the Master's hands.

I totally had a different twist on The Little Things but my heart felt and my fingers typed something else. To some, you're always arriving to late but to God your arrival is On time! And that matters more than anything else...

Signed,
Simply Thankful

Patience

Well, today is Monday! If you follow my personal IG account ( neka_th), I tested your patience and sent you to my Blog IG!! Well, here goes!! 

Yesterday, after a much needed nap, I was ready to enjoy the rest of our Sunday afternoon. My son goes to an amazing PreSchool. Very community and family oriented. They have a partnership with our local Publix( supermarket) and they deliver baked goods twice a week. Matthew enjoys taking the bread but we rarely eat it. Sighhh 

So, I came up with the grand idea to feed the ducks. He was extremely excited.  Our first attempt was Roswell Recreational Park. He walked the trail, even saw water but no ducks. He played for a little while then we left. He kept saying, "Mommy we have bread in the car but we haven't fed any ducks". I responded, "I promise son, I'm going to find the ducks". 

We then drove to Riverside Park. I knew there would be ducks there. We parked and began the search for ducks. We walked the entire park and along the trail of the Chattahoochee River. We FOUND the ducks but they were on the opposite side of the River. A guy passed us and heard us talking. He told us the path to take to reach the other side. We hit the path. In the process, we stumbled upon a sacred garden. We walked thru the garden and I felt God's presence. We read the names on the different statues and my daughter said, "Mommy I feel like we shouldn't be walking on this ground because it's Holy". 

We were soon saddened. Once we reached the bank we could no longer see the ducks. By this time, the kids were over it and they just wanted to play at the park. I told them it was ok and to enjoy the park. However, I just couldn't shake not finding the ducks. So I began walking AGAIN! I was determined to feed the ducks!! I walked along the wooden path and as I reached the end, I looked down and the ducks were there!! Right there!! Finally! I tired calling my daughter's phone but she didn't answer. In solace, peace and quiet I fed the ducks ALONE!! It was in that moment I heard God's voice. "It's ok to go after ME alone", "it's okay to have patience", "I got you and you're going to have everything I promised you"... Trust ME!! 

Wow, God hasn't forgotten me!! 

As of late, everywhere I look I see God. I see/ hear him clearer than I ever have in all of my 37 years of life. I'm understanding what it is to trust him and believe him. 

My Lovies, I challenge you to continue having patience. Continue to seek what you know to be true and watch God make a way.. Patience is key!! 

As I returned to my children, I showed them the pics. Boy was son upset. He wanted to run back to the river and see them but they were already gone!! Don't miss your opportunity by being to fast. The best things in life take time.. And as always, I will patiently WAIT!! 

Signed, 

Simply Cheneka... ~ they that wait, shall inherit the desires of their heart~ CTH 

Divine Connections~

...~When you stop basing your connections on who should be here and appreciate who is here, there you'll find your Strength~ CTH

I've been on my journey for quite sometime now. I've come to the realization, God will lessen the load if I tap into what it is HE would have me to do. I've tried to alter my life and just when I thought it was working, God reminded me what I've prayed( and still pray) what He's promised, what He's shown me and what he'll do once I let HIM be God.. The funny thing is, it's not that hard to let him lead, to bad it's taken me this long to realize it. 

For the last 2 weeks, God has been talking to me the same way I'm typing this blog. I'm no longer trying to talk my way out of it, I'm listening through it. And in the process, amazing people are guiding me along the way. 

I've always believed that family will never let you down, they'll be there indefinitely. I've had to learn a lesson or 2 about that. And in the process, I've made some divine connections, that I'll carry with me forever. I have only 1 biological mother( Mama I love you) but as of late, great women who are old enough to MA have reassured me that they support me and have the interest of me AND my children at heart. 

Friends also come a dime a dozen but oh when they turn family and they pray for you, cover you, cry with you, get you together and still love you?! That's nothing but divine. 

And JESUS!!! Whew!! If we take our eyes of religion and focus on him, He's everywhere and visible in all things!! Today I'm choosing to allow these divine connections to Bless my Life, I'm choosing to let God be God and I'm choosing to keep sifting through until my treasure is visible.. Yes, I am the treasure but there's a hidden treasure growing inside of me and you too. 

My Lovies, I challenge you to stand still and see the Glory!! It's there. Allow God's grace to carry you, trust  what he's shown you IS coming to past... This Time!! 

Signed, 

Simply Cheneka ~I'm no Saint but a Sinner who's alive because of Mercy & Grace!! 

The Strength of a Woman

I'm tired. I mean tired but when you're a Single Mom, business Owner, work outside the home and still have to find time to live just a little; you find that there's not enough time in a day. 

Today was a day used for lots of thinking, some tears and time with God. I'm learning to not only Pray but to just talk to Him to because he's always listening. 

My truth is::: I carry a lot stress. While I've learned to cover it up, sometimes I just have to get it off my chest. My biggest stress as a single mother is equally giving my time to my daughter and my son. 

Another issue I'm carrying well and hiding is this whole single life. It. Makes. Me. Sick.. 

It's easy for people in a relationship to say it's not all that it's cracked up to be but to an outsider it's everything. I believe in my heart that there are still a few things I must learn in this season and though it's hard, I'm trusting the process. 

Parenting::: oh it's hard. I love my babies to no end but sometimes, after I've been their ear all day, I need an ear too. I spent a good 2 years beating myself up because I have 2 children by 2 different men( it's a cycle that I pray will not repeat with my daughter and son. The buck stopped with me. If I have anymore children, HE will be my husband). I cried for a good year and then it registered, God did not put me in this situation to fail, I've had to learn it, believe it and take  the lesson and share it. 

As I walked( met my step goal tonight, 8500 steps), God reminded be, " Be still

And wait on me". I yelled a little, cried a lot and by the end of my 2 miles, I was at peace. 

I have various playlists that I listen to while walking. Tonight's playlist was everything my heart needed. "They that wait on the Lord, shall renew their strength"... "Go ahead and spread your wings"... Because, "You're Everything to me, Everything...."

My Lovies, tonight as we prepare to rest: Believe with everything in you that God has you. He hasn't left & he won't.  Just when you feel that you can't make it, he's already working it out. Rest well in knowing, he's he's protecting us. 

It's okay to cry, just know that when you're done, wipe your tears put your big girl panties on and keep it moving. It won't be this way forever. I hope my truths inspire you to accept your truths... 

Signed, 

Cheneka's Simple Truths 

God is Good, RIGHT?!!!

Growing up, I've always known God to be good. Old saints would say, " he kept my mind, kept me alive etc....". I didn't understand the trueness in that until I became an adult and developed my own relationship with God. 

I truly understand who and what God is TO Me... I'm sane, I'm alive, I'm safe, my kids are safe, we have a home, we have food, our basics are provided. While with the natural eye it may look like I'm making it happen but in all honesty, "God is Good" and he truly looks out for me. 

But as of lately, I hear God is good all the time. Pastors say it, R&B artists say it,  Rappers say it, politicians say it, drug dealers say, kids say it! Everyone

 says it!! Has it become a cliche' or has everyone truly caught the belief that he's absolutely GOOD? 

I know we all experience different moments with God and we all live different lifestyles but it's a good feeling to hear "God is good"... 

My Loves, I challenge you to truly allow, "God is Good" to be more than a cliche'. I dare you to truly sit and reflect on all that he does and is to you. He's good even when the odds are stacked against you. Trust me I know he's already working it out. He's good when your pockets are full of money, he's even good when your pockets are full of lint. You know why? He's already working it out. 

Today, allow God to be God and in the process watch he'll be good to you!! 

Signed, 

Cheneka simply trusts God!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾

Simple Reminders..

I'm not perfect but I Love God. I make mistakes, I stumble but I always get back up and try it again.. 

Today is only Monday but my FAITH and PRAYER life have been tested. Sometimes, God will use situations to position us. 

I was positioned yesterday.. I prayed yesterday and I cried yesterday. 

Today I woke up, still feeling God's presence. I was a bit quieter than normal ( wasn't extremely social) and I just spent time listening... 

Then it happened, a sistergirl reached out and the tears fell. It was such an unexpected text but it warned my heart. 

My Lovies, I challenge you to trust the process. Trust change, trust moves, trust tears, trust frustrations because it's the beginning of the making of you. And when you least expect it, God will remind you, "You're right where I would have you to be to Change the World"...

Let your light speak for you, be okay with your mistakes and trust that someone is watching and learning.. 

Signed, 

I've learned A lot but I PRAY more! 

Just tell the truth.....

Life is hard... 

What makes it harder is when we think we know it all and we don't. I know I make tons of mistakes. I make them daily but the cool thing is knowing, God knows my heart and when I fall and make mistakes( as I'm prone to do) He's going to catch me and forgive me. 

Although I try my hardest each day to be better than yesterday, I still make mistakes. You know why? I'm human.. Along with being human, sometimes I talk out of turn and sometimes I talk to much. We all do it. Ever heard the phrase, " the gift of gab"? ( raises hand) I have. 

Since on my Journey, I've come to find out so much about me. What I perceived myself to be while in my twenties has drastically changed now that I'm older. 

It was cool being popular, now I'm content with who and what God has placed in my life. 

Dear God,

Thank You for understanding,

Thank You for talking to me and correcting Me when I'm wrong... 

It's not what people say but ultimately what you say. God I'm listening and I thank you for loving me enough to correct ME... These are my truths, love me for who I am and who I aim to be... 

Signed,

Not Perfect But I'm trying! 

He Picked ME~

Sidenote: This piece is just me getting in touch with the writer in me.. Not necessarily how I'm feeling today BUT it is bits and pieces of my life over the years... I hope that you can relate to it in some way and understand that no matter the circumstance(even for my male readers) He picked you 2~

I once read that, when you let out the fear, upsets, highlights and lows of the day, it helps you to sleep better. I don't know accurate that statement is but here goes...

Today wasn't a good day. I felt like crying more than I smiled and sometimes just to hold it all together I had to take moments just to let it all out.

They say LOVE is blind but how do you overlook the LOVE you see daily that treats you as if you don't exist?

Water is free they say, Whelp if you have to charge me 25cent  to pour it into a cup, I'll let that cup pass from me...

You want to get ahead, but the cards seem to keep dealing you "Uno" draw 4's and Skips....

My turn has been skipped again, the call went unanswered and here I am left like a drying leaf waiting too to be blown in the wind AGAIN...

Please pick me, pick me... No!

The grass looks greener on the other side but once I jumped the fence to get a glimpse and maybe take a roll in it, there were patches of brown where it hasn't  been watered.... Gone untended...

My soul, my soul is weary...
I just want to feel like Jesus is listening but my mind keeps saying,
"Girl, he Ain't thinking about you"..
So, i keep searching in hopes that Jesus will see me
But YET I keep hearing my own voice saying
Please pick me~

But what I've failed to realize is that I was picked way before my parents thought of me.
I was picked way before the hurts, misunderstandings, lies and pains..
He picked me~
Little ole me,
The girl that was so misunderstood that even I was afraid to spread my OWN wings and HE gave them to me.
The little girl, who wanted a nose job so bad I fantasized about being called cute.

Pick Me, Pick me..
Love me like there's no tomorrow,
Hold me close to your heart to keep me from falling.
Respect me as I respect you,
Understand me when I'm not even making any sense.
Listen to my dreams,
Understand my journey.
Don't try to change me
BUT
Enhance what I've already been called to do.
Understand there can be no REAL us, until You become true to YOU...

He chose Me for this journey..
I opened my wings, that HE gave me and I began to fly.

So on today,
Although I cried just a little,
my frown was replaced with a smile.
although, I'm questioning where I am in life today,
I know new horizons and opportunities will await me upon opening my eyes 2morrow..
Tomorrow is so close, so near, I smell it
Nobody is holding me back but me and these fears...

I'm going to close my eyes and look for me..
Look for that Woman
 HE has created me to be..
She's there,
Waiting to be embraced,
and you know, the most FASCINATING part about being Me is....
HE picked ME~

An Equal Opportunity...

I recently experienced a 3 week journey, #21days that left me feeling:
Refreshed
Renewed
Refocused
and Rebuilt.
Have you ever experienced something that, although it was difficult some days, it left you appreciative at the end?
I'm learning and still growing. At 33, I know more than I did at 30 but not enough to say I know it all. I've learned enough to know that, my source of strength come from being tapped into a God that knows me better than I know me and who only wants me to succeed. I thought that, once I got to Atlanta, my journey would be complete and I would walk directly into GREATNESS. Don't misunderstand me, I have walked into better( got connected to an AWESOME church The dReam Center Church of Atlanta and AWESOME Pastors William and Danielle Murphy), which has turned into great but it's still not my GREATEST just yet. A three year process, that has taught me, that the 1st 3 quarters, you loose some and you win some but oh the 4th quarter( September 2 Remember), you take it all or go home.. And I've been taking it all. When situations are not working in your favor, YOU have the right to change the atmosphere and demand a shift on your behalf...

But, in the process, learn how to just SHUT UP... YES, we all have the right to share but when our sharing turns into other's way of belittling and laughing then it's no longer an equal opportunity for equal support..... We can't take everyone on the journey, we have to leave some people behind so when the empire is built, we can come back and get them.

I've grown to appreciate a few women placed in my circle. They each bring life to me but in a different way. I have 2 that I must talk to daily and I have others who I call on just when I need them the most!!!
While many have been placed to see what they can get from me, there are a few who really want to grow and mature with me.
If you surround yourself with sisters who think like you, there will be NO big I's and small you's...

There's equality for all. So, if you're crazy, find you some crazy"Certifiable" friends, if you're business minded search out business owners and if your road is leading you to go back to school, then register. We cannot always blame others for our failure and losses. You can only Blame you.
I have a 5 year plan that I will execute with or without someone pushing me. My #21 days has taught me that, God responds to the cry of the Worshipper and Grace and Favor are for me. There's Power in my voice and when I ask know that, God has enough equality to give to each of us... While man tries to validate, I look to GOD because the final YES and REWARD lies in HIM....

So, Baaaaay Bayyyyyyyy, know and understand I'm out here to Win It!!!

Signed,
2far2quit

I WAS her..Afraid...

I breathed to be excepted,
Wanted to know and understand what it meant to be loved unconditionally..

See, I was her..
Born to a teenage mother and father..
Born out of wedlock and my birth seemed to have caused more hurt than good...

I was her,
Never quite understood what it meant to have both parents because my home was broken..

I was her,
Did alot of stupid things to gain acceptance..

As I grew older, I learned that true exceptance comes from God..
I knew without a doubt that my Mother's love was unconditional...
She loved me thru my rights, wrongs, screw ups and successes...
She loved me when I went in the bathroom and cut my hair
And she supported me thru the loss of my 1st child...

But, that just didn't seem enough..
So, I became involved with a guy at a very young age..
And because we were young and both products of "Dysfunctional Families", in time we outgrew each other.. And that was okay

My growth,
Didnt come in the form of thinking I was better than anyone,
It came in the form of time to stand on my own and experience more than what Boston had to offer...

Ever felt like what you have growing inside your belly, or head is to big for some ppl in your circle to grasp?

Well, that was me..
I was ready to fly, ready to soar and take off...
But, I still had to hop before I could fly..

My wings took form in September of 2009...
My heart was ready, my soul was released and I knew my Ship had finally sailed in..
It's one thing to say I'm leaving, but its a pure satisfaction you achieve when you finally make the move..

I had to loose some things in order to prepare for this trip,
and I did..
I had to shed some tears and cut some strings in order to prepare for this trip,
and I did..
I had to say some hard goodbyes and leave some relationships unresolved in order to prepare for this trip,
and I did..

I WAS her!!!
Afraid of what tomorrow and the unknown held until I had the strength and courage to spread my wings and FLY...

I hold no regrets, I hold no grudges, I hold no animosity...
I exuberate LOVE, PEACE and CHANGE..

I know what it is to dReam, and watch dReams become a reality..
I WAS her,
looking out of my own soul while others dictated my moves...

I WAS her,
Afraid to be me~

I now LOVE and APPRECIATE who and what I've become..
LIfe has its up and downs,
Surprises and Disappointments,
BUT WE control what we allow to affect and move us...

Today,
I'm moved my the love of GOD and just being me..
Because,
I WAS her~
Afraid...