Parental VS the Kid... ( check point)...

A little over a month ago, I celebrated my 36th Bday. One month to the date later, my daughter turned 11 and next month my son will turn 4. We're just busy celebrating birthdays over here. 

Now that my daughter is 11, the conversations we have are more in depth. I've never been one to hide anything from her but I've shielded parts of my life from here. Why? Because outside of being their mommy, Cheneka exists. You know, the person I was before Motherhood. Motherhood has consumed so much of my life that I literally had to take a step back and find ME. 

Slowly but surely I've started to and it feels absolutely GREAT. I blog more, get my hair done every week( the compliments I get on my hair alone make me feel like a million bucks) I make time for friends, I started back working out and I'm just all Round happier. 

Trust me, the process wasn't easy. Almost 2 years ago we went thru a huge transition in our household. My kids went from a 2 parent home, to a home solely ran by me. While I never skipped a beat and I kept the outside appearance together, inside was a battle. The typical Whys, Hows, tears and frustrations overtook me. My kids never saw me sweat, never saw me cry. I did yell every now and again( all parents do) but I never exploded. 

I took a lot of time for me ( or so I thought). I became overly involved with my kids and my business so that I did not have to face what was going on inwardly. 

And one day I woke up. Although it's the three of us, I'm still me. I'm still young and above all I'mm&ms absolutely beautiful. 

Today my lovies, I challenge ALL of my single parents to do something for you. Meet new people, get a hair cut, change your hair color, workout.. Wait.... Those are all things that I've done ( or am doing) and it feels great. 

We have the power in us to be happy and move on but we 1st have to be in a good space to do so. While our children will want us to themselves, we still have to find ways to be ourself. We all existed before parenthood and we will surely exist once our nesting years are over. 

I love my kids with everything in me BUT I'm learning to love me a little more. In doing so, it makes me stronger! 

Signed, 

Stronger, Wiser and Winning!! 

In My Heart...

I Love Music.. The beat, the words, the groove, I. Love. It!

I've been building my iTunes library/ playlist and when I tell you I can go from

0-100 in a matter of minutes just by what I'm listening to. I'm no Trap Queen but sometimes the best gets in me and I bust a move or 2!!! 

Somedays, I feel a little ratchet and I go to RedMan, JayZ, Biggie, Nas, Lost Boys( aka mainly Mr. Cheeks on Renee'), when I'm feeling Independent Beyonce( oh I perform her music regularly,  cause I have a Big EGO!!! Lol Nobody believes me when I say I can sing but I really can) and when I'm feeling sultry Jasmine Sullivan, independent artist Lara Bell, Celine Dion, Heather Hedley, Jill Scott,  Estelle, Jhene Aiko are just a few who get me thru. And when I want to feel ole Skool and play homage to all my West Indian people, Patra comes to mind bc I WAS " Queen of the Pack".... ( A whine session has commenced in front of my mirror).. 

And when I need to hear some of my fave guys  Avant, MusiqSoulChild, Usher, Carl Thomas,Raheen DeVaughan, John Legend, BJ the ChicagoKid and Common ( to name a few) all come to my rescue . And when I need to feel connected to my God, I find comfort in gospel music. 

On any given day, I can go to a playlist and there's a bit of something to appease all the people. I'm definitely a people person and when I can unite with someone based off music it does something to my soul. Music is great. It makes you feel good, it can also make you sad, it makes you think but above all, if you let it, it can take you places where you've only dreamed of. 

Today my Lovies, I challenge you to turn on your favorite song and dance your life away. Let it carry you and fill you with JOY!! When nothing else matters, Music does.. Who are some of your fave artists? 

Signed, 

Music gives me Life... 

It Could All be so Simple....

Who remembers writing these notes?!! I DO!! Why can't it still be this simple? I just want to go for a walk, hold your hand and tell you I like you.. 

But I can't. 

Signed, 

I Like You... Sighhhhh 

PS... This blog is Not to any 1 person in particular. Just had a nostalgic moment when I came across the note. I was reminded of simpler times.. But if you think I like you, I probably do! Lol

Perfección!!!

 

I Love to cook!! I mean I really do. I'm no Culinary Chef but I'm good with blending seasonings, different herbs and vegetables to produce a distinctive taste. 

I feel that when I'm a little under the weather I cook best. Lol ( don't judge me, there's always a method to my madness). 

I digress, my allergies flared up this weekend and I felt like walking death. Because of it, I didn't cook Sunday dinner so I made up for it yesterday. 

I love a great seasoning. Because of my diverse work background when I lived up North, I was welcomed into the Hispanic culture. I was always so intrigued when my co- workers Awilda and "Grandma" Maria would bring in their leftovers. There's this tuna dip that Grandma would make and to this day, it's my go to comfort dip... 

Anyhoo, lastnight's menu consisted of fried fish( my one fried food 4this week) my bean medley dish, steamed Brussel sprouts with fresh garlic and fresh green salad. I keep my meals proportionate by eating a salad beforehand and it curbs my appetite. 

I'm not a lover of fish for various reasons but when I do cook it, I go to my Goya seasoning. A little sazón( for coloring) Adobo, lemon and a few others I will NOT disclose and my fish is cooked to Perfección!! I also have a special coating that I use on fish that I'll never EVER share!! 

I cooked 12 pieces of fish lastnight. Between my kids and 2 nieces, I was lucky with the one piece I had lol. 

Esto son los resultados de usar condimentos Goya...perfección!

Signed, 

Amo mis productos Goya!!! 

( with a little assistance I can speak a little Spanglish  2... Ya girl has skills lol) 👌 

 

Just Me....

(No Spanx on or nuffin!! Look atcha girl)... 

Today was a long day. After minimal sleep this week, running around with my kids and running a business I kinda forgot to take care of me. 

Just when I think I'm doing ok, there's that voice in the back of my head that says, " Hey girl, take time for you". After getting my hair done today, I dropped my daughter and niece off at the mall( yes, tested them with 2 unsupervised mall hours and they did exceptionally well) took care of some business stuff and laid myself down. 

I needed it. There, on my bed Peace & Quiet!! Before I knew it, it was time to get up and get cute!! Lol

As most of you know, I've been working on me and keeping my weight manageable. As I was getting dressed tonight, I was well please with the woman who glanced back at me!! Here she is in ALL her cuteness.. 

Tonight my lovies, I challenge you to just be happy.. As I sit in the truck listening to the rain right now, I'm happy. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, I don't even know about the next 5mins but right now, I'm HAPPY!! 

Rest Well, 

Signed, 

Simply Cheneka 

To Date or Not to Date....

Life is crazy sometimes... We marry, get engaged, date, get boo'd up and somewhere between Happy and Cloud9, it turns into a bad break up/ Divorce. 

Don't get me wrong, it doesn't happen to everyone but it happens and at a high rate. 

I have my fears of entering the scene again. Why? I JUST Do and from what I hear, men have these same exact thoughts to. 

After you've spent so many years with one person, where do you began with starting over? Who has the patience to learn someone new all over again? While returning to the X is never an option( for me) even though it feels comfortable to most, it's toxic ( they've been X'd out for a reason), it's just hard starting over. 

Personally, I would absolutely die being compared to someone's X and in the same breath, I would never compare either. It's an insult, a slap. We should all aim for a Gentleman, no part-time Punks here. Men aim for a Lady, no attitude carrying woman with past issues still lingering. 

As we all maneuver this thing called life and finding happiness, let's be mindful of whom we encounter and careful not to lead them on. ( there was this one time in band camp, I kissed a dude and he smushed my face! Tuh, I kid. I wish a ninja would) 

It takes a strong Man and even stronger woman( because we're emotional beings) to lay what we're feeling, our needs and wants on the table  and not get upset if the counterpart can't fulfill or accept them. 

I'm treading these waters lightly, glasses on and heart protected. So far, so good. 

Today my Lovies, enjoy You and be selective with whom you're spending time with and whom you decide to give the cookies to. Everyone is not deserving.. ( and men just because she has the cookie, she may not be deserving of your pipe, oops)!!! You'll know in your heart and in time when it just feels right. And if it feels right, go with the flow. 

We all deserve a few smiles and happiness here and there without the title and strings attached until we're ready.. 

Signed, 

Cheneka is Human.... 

11, eleven, 3lev3n

I have an 11 year old. Where has the time gone? I look at my daughter and I just want her to be a baby again. The little babygirl I carried in the baby b'Jorn, the little girl who gave me strength when I had none. The little girl who was my friend and motivation and didn't even know it. 

My Chelia Ne'Dawn is growing so beautifully. This weekend as I celebrated her little life with some of her friends, I remembered what it felt like to be her age. The laughter, the dancing, lip gloss, boy chatter and crazy music. Yes! I did all of that with MY 11 year old. ( the turn Up was real and I'm still suffering but it's Worth it)

Parenting has its woes: Trust Me. But the milestones outweigh everything else. 

Gosh I love this little girl. As we embark the pre- teen years, I look forward to all it will bring. Tears, Boys calling, disagreements( some followed by YES and NO to) More growth and maturity too. 

I love my Mooda Pie, Li, Girlchild my Ace, my Strength, my Joy.. 

Yes, I Love my daughter. Happy 11th bday Moo!

Signed, 

A Grateful Mommy 

I Am A QUEEN....

This has been a very trying week if I do say so myself. I just kept reminding myself, hold on Nek. You got this.. But when the tears are falling faster than you can wipe them you tend to believe that it's not going to get any better. And then it does. 

I'm an iPhone, Applehead!! I'm learning to utilize my phone more and all that it has to offer. I always browse different apps and I always check out the free music. This week, just when I thought I was going to snap( and I did once or twice), my other boo, Raheem DeVaughn ( The Love Dr)'s QUEEN was a free download this week.. When I tell you that song has become my daily reminder of how dope I AM and how well I carry and wear my crown? Thanks BAE!! 

" Your a nurturer and a superwoman, 

You're every daughter that become a mother

And you can be my rock to the very highest mountain top

From my heart to my toes, to cherish, love and hold

You're my Queen, queen, queen, queen, queen, queen, queen, queen, queen

You gave birth to all the land, 

You're th backbone to every man"... 

When I tell you this song has done something to me. So many times, we forget how strong we truly are. And although the acknowledgments are sometimes far and few, reminders come just when we need them the most... 

My sister girls, my friends my Lovies, hold your crown up. Wear it well and never let it fall. We're ALL beautiful QUEENS.. 

I challenge you, find the time to treat yourself like the Queen you are. Have a moment that's just for you. I know I will and it's at 6:30 tomorrow am!! 

Signed, 

A Beautiful Queen 👑

My Private..... Oops

There's never a dull moment talking to my BFF/Sister and our bonus sister Dimpezz. The text went a little something like this,

 " Mommy what does penis mean"? Yes, our 8 year old niece asked her mom what's a penis... My bestie was a bit taken a back but me, nah. Here's the why. When my daughter was 3, her then Pediatrician told me to teach her the correct term for her private parts. The scenario she set up made a lot of sense and every since then it has always stuck with me. I respect fellow parents decisions to use other terms but I don't. My son is 3 and he knows what his penis is and my daughter has been using vagina since she was 3 as well. 

I remember when I was a Youth Worker/Coordinator back home. One of my Summer Employees was inappropiately touched while on the job. Although she was 17, when I wrote the report, I used private parts vs saying her breasts. Her mother was extremely upset. She asked me," why didn't I use the correct term"? I instantly thought of my conversation with my daughter's pediatrician. 

Each parent is at liberty to teach their child whatever they chose. Whether you say, pee-pee, Winkie, khunkee or pocketbook. We need to make sure that our children can properly articulate if they have been touched, or if their "Private Spot" is in pain. 

Today lovies, whatever your choice of word is let's continue to teach our children and help them to grow. Penis or Vagina? Readers, what term do you use? 

Signed, 

Team Vagina Monologues✌️

I'm just his Mom...

This week has been an emotional roller coaster for me.. I'm raising my son alone. Although this was never in the plan; life is such, full of unexpected changes. And what do we do? Make adjustments and keep pushing. 

It was easy when my daughter was this age. Why wouldn't it be? I'm a female to. Simple things made her happy. But with my son? It's never simple! Lol

Together, we've ( the 2 of us) mastered potty training, learning to spell his name, his birthday, colors, shapes and numbers. The funniest is his distinction between today clothes and tonight clothes( his night clothes). He'll wake up and say, "Mommy I need my today clothes" and he'll proceed with grabbing what he sees fit to wear for the day. Some days he grabs shorts and if you see us in public and he has on shorts, just know it was a battle and he won! Lol

But it's more complex than that. We'll soon tackle the task of bike riding. And although I would love for his father to teach him, I'm going to put on my cape and the 2 of us will accomplish it. 

I've shed more than a few tears this week but it's just nature's way of helping me grow so that I can continue STRONG in this role of being a single parent( for both boychild and girlchild). 

Tears are good, they cleanse us of any toxins we do NOT need. I'm cleansing my soul this week. Decluttering my mind and keeping it moving. 

Today, this blog is for my Single Moms and Single Dads. The road is never easy. We go above and beyond for our children and sometimes we forgot that we must live too. We must find the balance between parenting and having a social life. It's so easy to consume ourselves in parenting that we forget we exist as a person. I challenge each of you, take a moment for yourself and breathe. Enjoy some quiet time. Take a moment or 2 just for YOU. Embrace friends in similar situations and grow together. We're only as strong as the circle holding us up. 

I'm Cheneka. A Lover, a friend, a Listener, nurturer and Giver. They all help me to be a great Momm. But before I was a Momm I was ME, today my lovies, Be YOU. We existed before parenthood and we must continue to exist through it... 

Signed, 

Loving Myself and ALL my Single Parents 2

Let's Toast

My niece is friggin amazing. I remember the 1st time I met her. This spoiled rotten 3 year old in a purple and black shearling leather coat. 

Who would've ever thought she'd be one of my driving forces to keep pushing myself to the limit. 

World, look out for my babygirl Brittanie La've( she's gonna kill me, thank God I'm in GA) Allen. Future lawyer. 

Although I don't see her as much as I would like, we always pick right back up when we play catch up. Did I mention she's also my kids' Godmom? A responsibility she does not take lightly. 

The epitome of class, Grace and elegance. She makes me proud and my heart smile. She's currently completing Law School in Massachusetts( my hometown). She has already sat on a high profile case( the Boston Marathon Bomber) and just last week she informed me that, her boss chose her to help work the Black Lives Matter, Mass Chapter. Do you see why she makes me proud?

She has overcome many obstacles to get where she is right now. I'm glad that she chose me to be apart of her village. 

NiecyBoo, my love for you is endless. I'm always a call, text, drive, flight away. You're never EVER alone. Its my charge and pleasure to keep you lifted in prayer and to support your every endeavor.

Thank you for also believing in me, Loving me (and the little people) and always taking the time to make your presence felt even thru facetime. We love you babygirl!

Signed, 

A Proud NekaBoobie( her term for her Fave Aunt) 

Let me Pop these tags..

Happy Friday my lovies!! 

The other day I was chatting it up with my sistergirl( like we already don't talk everyday, we're each other's Sanity pill) and she asked me what were my goals for this month? I'm like goals? I save an extra $150 a month, to continue eating better and feel good in my skin. That's enough right?

Apparently not. Lol 

She broke down her goals and it inspired me to rethink mine. 

I have this beautiful Jessica Simpson 2 piece( YES, I has a 2 piece) that I purchased a while back. Don't judge me. I have a bad habit of purchasing things and either 1) forget I have them or 2) never use it( I'm not a hoarder tho, whew). As I thought of my goals, I decided my goal for every month until June is to look better in it until I have the courage to wear it at a pool party or something. But I WILL wear it, THIS summer. 

I haven't always been comfy in my skin but as of late, I feel like I'm only as dope as I feel. Im working on it. 

This same SisterGirl and I got our free Yoga Mat and carry bag at DSW and my goal is to use it until I can't anymore! Let's make Goals and keep them yAll! 

Your goal may be totally different than mine but if we make them and hold each other accountable, anything is possible. 

This time June, these tags will be popped and like Tupac said, " All eyes( will be) On Me"... Don't believe me Just watch!! 

Make it a day of Goals!! 

Signed, 

Breaking the Internet!!!