A smile in a Box...

I can't even begin to put into words what and how I've been feeling lately. Somber? Yeah, maybe that's it. I mean, I'm still going on with my day to day living, activities etc but something is missing.  I've never experienced a loss during the holidays. This year I did. My uncle died. Today makes one week that we bid him a final goodnight, sweet dreams. Maybe I'm still trying to process that...

But the beat must still go on... sighhhhh

Yesterday, my little people took flight on a mini vacation with their grandparents. So we were a bit busy. Mom's you know how it is making sure everything they'll need is packed ever so tightly. Pajamas, socks, outfits( if you're like me, I pack clothes as outfits with socks and undies rolled as well). Everyone's suitcase was packed, I was dressed and we could finally head out the door.

As the kids and I walked out to head to the airport, there was a package  on the steps. I thought, I definitely haven't ordered anything what in the heck is it?! I picked it up and instantly my face smiled. A package from a Sistergirl back home. I still had no idea of what was in the box. I still smiled though and super hard, something for me? Maybe?

I got the kids to the airport, chatted for a bit with my parents, niece and nephew( as the kids are traveling with them) and went over a few more dos and donts with my little ones. My father said, " They'll be fine but I get it, you're still their mom".. lol I watched them board and I left the airport.

You know when it's quiet you have time to think. I thought of the holiday season that's approaching, thought about the little boy that my Women's Org adopted, presents for my kids, work, getting a new piercing( I so want an industrial piercing) and what shall I do with all of this free time?

I finally made it home. I binged on Criminal Minds, ate some leftovers, drank water and went to bed. As I turned off the lights I tripped over " the box"... dang it! I'll open it 1st thing in the morning.

And I DID!!!!! What a big smile I now have plastered across my face. Last year for my birthday, I wanted to give out 37 pairs of socks as I turned 37. But life happened and I wasn't able to do it. I had mentioned to a few friends that I wanted to do a Birthday Sock campaign and my dear heart Nellie said that she wanted to send socks. Opening the box this morning, oh did my heart smile!! Socks for days and it hit me, Ma'am; you have tons of socks that you can now add to the care packages this year..

 Nellie attempted to send the box last year but it was in between my move and things weren't forwarded to the new address. But "the Box" surely arrived on time this year and the smile is the biggest ever.  It wasn't something for me per see BUT it was. It was the smile I needed on this day.
I find joy and pleasure in doing things for others. This year, as we prepare to but things in boxes for the different organizations and families we're sponsoring, I'll do so with a huge smile. These boxes are being packed with smiles and I'm sure my sisterfriend smiled as she picked up the socks.

Even with a slightly sad heart, I'm still smiling big.

My lovies, I challenge you to find an organization and drop something off in a box to give. Pack your box with a smile and just think, the person on the receiving end will open " the box" with a smile because someone thought of them. Give outside of your box( your family) and share a smile!

I definitely plan too!!

Signed,
Sad Hearts still Smile!!

I Am A QUEEN....

This has been a very trying week if I do say so myself. I just kept reminding myself, hold on Nek. You got this.. But when the tears are falling faster than you can wipe them you tend to believe that it's not going to get any better. And then it does. 

I'm an iPhone, Applehead!! I'm learning to utilize my phone more and all that it has to offer. I always browse different apps and I always check out the free music. This week, just when I thought I was going to snap( and I did once or twice), my other boo, Raheem DeVaughn ( The Love Dr)'s QUEEN was a free download this week.. When I tell you that song has become my daily reminder of how dope I AM and how well I carry and wear my crown? Thanks BAE!! 

" Your a nurturer and a superwoman, 

You're every daughter that become a mother

And you can be my rock to the very highest mountain top

From my heart to my toes, to cherish, love and hold

You're my Queen, queen, queen, queen, queen, queen, queen, queen, queen

You gave birth to all the land, 

You're th backbone to every man"... 

When I tell you this song has done something to me. So many times, we forget how strong we truly are. And although the acknowledgments are sometimes far and few, reminders come just when we need them the most... 

My sister girls, my friends my Lovies, hold your crown up. Wear it well and never let it fall. We're ALL beautiful QUEENS.. 

I challenge you, find the time to treat yourself like the Queen you are. Have a moment that's just for you. I know I will and it's at 6:30 tomorrow am!! 

Signed, 

A Beautiful Queen 👑

For MY Sisters

I haven't blogged in what seems like forever. You know, life has an extremely funny way of helping us to prioritize and focus on what's important. And then, it has a way of smacking us too. 

I love MY life. It's not perfect but I love it. Some days I'm entitled to be mad( and I am) and some days I'm just happy as happy can be. 

Lately, I've been practicing balance and making time for me. I'm so consumed with everything and everyone else that I was forgetting about me. If I'm not well nor happy then how can I make anyone else happy? I mean, I'd become so good at pretending until one day it hit me that, you're only fooling yourself because nobody truly cares if you're happy or not. May sound harsh but it's true. 

Today, I'm challenging my sisters. As I've listened to so many of my clients, sisterfriends and just women in general, the same message is resounding. If it's not bringing you happiness, let it go. If it makes you cry, dry your tears and let it go. If you can't afford it, don't front: let it go. 

If it's clouding your judgement, clear your mind and let it go. 

Let it Go

Let it Go

Let

It

Go... 

It's always so much more easier said than done but when you're losing sleep and pulling out your hair, yeah it's not worth it. 

Your IT can be anything. It's up to you to acknowledge what IT is and Let it Go.. 

In close, I love the liberty to blog and I love the ability to Let it Go!

I love Yall, 

Signed, 

I clean and throw it out!! 

Do It Again

Sometimes I feel I'm a very great listener and sometimes, I find myself getting to involved in what I'm listening too that I share about me.

A sisterfriend called yesterday just to vent. I listened intently. At the end of the conversation she asked, " Nek what would you do if you were me"? ( insert sound of skreaching brakes with an abrupt halt) Why me? I thought out loud( so loud that she says) because it seems like you have it together... Oh( while becoming humbled and eyes filling with water) " I don't have it together and some days I so wish I did". 

Her:But Nek, I never see you cry.

Me: you probably won't because I chose to do it behind closed doors in the comfort of my own home. Do people bring me to that point? Oh yes, but I can't let them see me break. 

Her: so is crying a weakness?

Me: of course not. It's a cleanse, well for me anyways. But I chose to cry in my secret place because if to many people see you cry or hear that faint tremble in your voice, it's a wrap. 

Her: well yelling is my thing and when I feel like someone is coming for me, I tend to eleviate my voice. 

Me: that used to be me but it's in that moment you kill them with your level headed reaction. I always think, how would my children respond if they see mommy acting a fool. 

Her: I've let so many people walk over me that sometimes I feel they already have the advantage. 

Me: You will soon become tired of being a doormat and at a disadvantage. But YOU have to become tired. YOU have to decide that you matter and that you're just as important. Your words matter, your feelings matter and so do your thoughts. Practice using the word I and speaking in the form of I, it will do wonders for your self esteem. Learn to just worry about you because at the end of the day, you cannot speak for anyone else. 

Her: see!! See what I mean. You have it together. 

Me: I don't, I promise. I've just lived a little, cried a lot and learned that each day is a fresh new slate and the chance for me to do it again just better... 

Signed,

Get up & Do it Again