Lessons...

LESSONS.....

I've learned that many of life's lessons cannot be found in the classroom nor in texts books. Some of the most amazing lessons come in the form of living. Once you've mastered living for a living, nothing else will matter.

I consider myself to be a great writer and sometimes I use one word to describe what I'm going through/feeling. It's never a dig at anyone, it's actually me revealing my truths in the form of living through words. Although most of my day is spent helping others and being mom; my best lessons come in the way my children and others respond to me.

One of the most valuable, learn to appreciate yourself and the journey. We're all wired differently. Some of us WILL change the world, while others will help others to see the good in the world. The goal is to help someone else along the way. I used to think, what I shared didn't matter. I mean, I was never sharing in hopes of getting people to notice me. I share because I've learned alot during my 38( well really 28 years because the 1st 10 years I wasn't fully aware of who I was) years of life. Then one day it happened. Someone shared with me, they found strength and hope through my words. In MY words I thought?

Then a still voice said, "Why NOT your words"?? Whew, I then knew it was bigger than just sharing but it was imperative that I live what share.

Life has taught me, in all things remain truthful to yourself. I mean, God already knows so do your part by living a life that's always acceptable and pleasing. I'll admit I thought it was important to be a people pleaser. But oh when I realized what they thought or even think of me doesn't matter; the chains that held me were broken. At the end of the day, NO 1 truly has the power to judge. Yes, we live in an overly opinionated society but the truth is, your lessons and life will not mirror that of anyone else.

Your journey,

Your life,

Your lesson,

Your story.. PERIOD

I've been feeling the need to remind myself and others your best life is the gift of life itself. Live and learn

Learn and share

 Be okay with how some lessons turn out, you'll understand why the more you live.

Here's my last and final truth for the night... ( i think)...

I've been single for quite sometime now, ok a few years lol... Am I tired of the single life, hecks yeah BUT the lesson in this isn't for me but my daughter and son.

The lesson for My daughter: I can't allow her to see numerous men walking in and out of my life. I'm her teacher and what I live she will mirror. I'm living with her in mind all the time. No, I'm not teaching her that women do not need a husband, I'm teaching her to wait until HE seeks you.

The lesson for MY son: Women are priceless( he asked the meaning of priceless today ) and because they're valuable they are never to be mishandled. I cannot allow him to see me being mishandled as it'll give him the wrong idea. I'm teaching him, chose one and give her you're all.

Lessons.. Never stop living and you'll never stop learning.

Signed,

Cheneka the Teacher

With Loving Kindness Have I drawn Thee.......

My lovies!! It's been a while. Life has bought about numerous changes for me. Good, Bad and indifferent but still I thrive to be the best version of Cheneka. There's so much I could say but I'll keep it to a minimum...

I guess you're wondering who are the 2 women in the picture. One is Mother Kelley(COGIC) and the other is longtime church friend from back home, Vera Brown. Well what is COGIC? It's the Grand ole Church Of God In Christ... Where you can't join in, you must be born in( no seriously it's an old convocation song we sang in Massachusetts Juridiction #1)

"This is the church of God in Christ,
This is the church of God in Christ,
You can't join in
You must be born in
This is the Church of God in Christ....."( As I hear the late Bishop LC Young singing)..

So why the picture and how does the title go with the picture?

There have been a number of videos posted since last year on facebook. Just yesterday, I saw the ones being posted on instagam. While I have not seen the video in it's entirety, I will say my heart was a bit saddened. WHY??? And trust me, this blog is not a bashing, it's merely my thoughts but sometimes before we laugh, we should consider the feelings of the other person.. I will be honest and say, growing up it was the typical thing to laugh and mock a person as they shouted in church. We were young and spent a good amount of church with the same people every single week.

But as I've gotten older and developed my own relationship with God, I've come to understand before we open our mouths to judge, consider the person.

We fully  never understand a person until we've gotten to know them. Some people were not born attending church. Some people found God after dealing with situations that should've killed them. Some found the church by default, some found the church while they were getting high.. And instead of being embraced: alot of these people have been mocked, talked about and even ridiculed.
People have experienced all types of hurt in the church and it's never ever been addressed( and the hurt goes DEEP). The church is supposed to be the one place you go to feel loved BUT it has now become the place that so many people refuse to walk into.

GOD IS LOVE~ God is pure LOVE~

"Long ago the lord said to Israel, " I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love have I drawn you to myself". ~ Jeremiah 31:3 NLT  I've learned that rebuke comes in many different forms. But open rebuke can be the most harmful when it's not followed by correction and love.  WE judge people based on their appearance and it's not fair. A person only does better when they are taught better.

I've learned sometimes, we have to meet people where they are and be ok with it. If you truly want to know a person's heart, sit and talk with them. No alternative motives, no underline schemes, just one on one conversation.

In order for us to reclaim the church and for God to truly operate and see MIRACLES, SIGNS and WONDERS let's get back to showing love. Let's return to where love is an ACTION followed by teaching and nurturing. GOD is perfect therefore LOVE should be perfect. If we continue how we are, we're going to continue losing souls by the dozen.

I ask that each of you say a prayer for Vera tonight....

Signed,
I don't just go to church, I AM the CHURCH
~Cheneka

And we say Goodbye...

Yesterday evening was quite entertaining to say the least. Like always girlchild and boychild had a disagreement but it ended differently this go round. My son decided because of lack "RESPECT", he was going to run away. He packed his bookbag with his toothbrush, pajamas and all of his treasured hotwheels cars( he has about 100).

Once I noticed what he was trying to do, I stopped what I was doing and I got on his level and talked to him. "Son, I would be extremely sad if you left how would you survive"? For every question I asked, his 6 year old little mind had a formulated, well thoughout answer, even down to his survival mechanism and his way of escape( calling uber).

Once I got him settled and unpacked, we sat together and watched a few of his favorite shows together.I reminded him that he's loved and I would be heart broken if he left.  I left the living area and retreated to my room. Aha peace & quiet. As the night settled, I went back into the living room to check on him and he had fallen fast asleep on the couch holding his tablet.

This morning, I woke early. It was quiet and during those times its when God speaks to me best. After I prayed, I began to think of all the men and women I know who pack up and run. They run from responsibilities, they run to get away from people, they run to avoid issues, they run from change. The list goes on and on... Why is it so easy to run? What in life is so hard to face? As I replayed the disagreement between my children, my son ran because he felt my daughter didn't respect him. I thought, he's 6 what does he know about respect? And it hit me, he knows enough in his mind when he's not being heard and valued. He knows enough to leave a situation where he's not ok. How many people do we know who do this? I can name a few. Hell, if we're honest we can all see a piece of ourselves in bad situations where we decide to leave.

And like a ton of bricks, it hit me.  As adults, we say goodbye prematurely without fully thinking it through. And because of that, in turn pass the "Goodbye" trait to our children.  I know during my transition from Boston to Atlanta, I kept reminding myself I wasn't leaving out of fear but I was leaving what was familiar to branch out and see what else the world had to offer. Yes, there was some hurt assocaiated with it but 8 years later, I can honestly say it was for my good 100%..

(Figurtively speaking) Had my son left, it would've been extremely hard for him. There was no bank account attached to his uber app, he had no food, no money and he didn't attempt to talk it through. THAT'S exactly what adults do.

So my lovies, today I challenge you to no longer clamour up but face those goodbyes. Face those hard places, Face your fears, your hurts, misunderstandings and even lies that may have been told on you or even to you. I've learned, in order for me to be WHOLE, I had to and have to face issues that I would so much rather avoid. Is it to rehash old wounds? Not at all. Who really wants to pull a scab off  a sore? Not me BUT if its going to corrct the issue and allow for the proper healing to take place, I'm for it.

After my AHA moment, I had to face a goodbye this morning. Did I want to? Not really. did it cause an uprorar, slightly but it did open the door for healing and peace. This adult life isn't all that bad once you bagan to face goodbyes, live a life of honesty and truth and allow the rivers of peace to flow in your space.

We're only as WHOLE as the last goodbye we didn't allow ourselves to heal from. Broken still works but only when you've found a way to put yourself together again, stronger.

This road isn't always easy but there's always a lesson... Don't say goodbye if it can be fixed. Only say goodbye and mean it when it will no longer affect you...


Signed,
The page has turned~~

But I wasn't looking at YOU....

My lovely people, its been a while and I have missed thee so. Life has been busy for me but that's no excuse.
I now have a 13 year old and a 6 year old. Let's just say, I'm really on my toes these days with the 6 year old. Full of lessons, fun and tears. To think, I ever doubted myself in this role of raising a son is absolutely crazy. God has given me strength that I never knew exsisted. His father and I have come a very long way and for that I'm extremely grateful. (We still disagree from time to time but it's healthy in order to be great co-parents and friends).

He and his sister argue like strangers in the night but I would'nt have it any other way. They are the loves of my life, not my whole life though because I believe the right man is enroute.. Yeah, I'm a bit more optimistic these days. I've always had a type but as I'm growing and maturing more, my type hasn't always worked, causing me to be more open to others... I'm sure a blog or 2 will come to pass sooner than later...

I do have a question though..... How do you respond to, " What are you looking at"? When my son gets in trouble, he's quick to ask his sister what is she looking at. Being the quick teenager she is, like clock work she responds, "Not you".. When I tell you its funny to me, I crack up every time.. BUT what about when a man says it, how does it make you feel? Do you feel slighted, does it anger you? Do you feel dissed?? I try mybest to ignore when men try to grab my attention. Sometimes, I'm just not up for the foolishness. Recently, a guy said to me, "Ms or MRS"? I thought, miss me with this bull... I digress


I was talking to a guy friend and he proceeded to tell me about a misunderstanding that went south. He was at the gas station and he happen to be looking back(missing a few bits and pieces) and 2 women assumed he was looking at them. LOng story short, he wasnt and they proceeded to act like donkeys, yelling and cursing. They even pulled outh their phones and started recording!!MA'AM!!!

 Women, do we sometimes act foolish for no reason and men, do you sometimes add salt to injury with a hard cold diss??

It happens more than it should but ladies, all men aren't looking at us. And men, just because we acknowledge you doesn't mean we want you.

When I see a handsome man or even a beautiful woman, because I'm secure in who I am: I have no issue with complimenting them. I'll take it even further, I may not even be checking you out physically, I may be drwan to how you're dressed. I love to see well dressed men and I love to see well dressed women. It gives me ideas on how to arrange pieces in my closet and a well dressed man gives me hope....sighhhh

As we get older, our approach with the opposite sex changes. We're either attracted to them or we're not. We may look but it's not always a situation where we want to touch. We may wink only
 because they smiled or nodded. Let's stop confusing every man as a boy raging with hormones and
men stop assuming you're going to get it just because.

I may not have been looking at you to get with you but I was checking you out!! Let's admit it and move forward..

Signed,
Blogging for the mature and sexy

Grown Cliques..

This was a busy work week to say the least. I filled in for American Literature, Gym Drills, English and Science. Typically, its a different class each day but this week my schedule was consistent.

I definitely enjoy Sub teaching. It's rewarding and it provides a bit of change for the students.  Since I was spending full days on campus this week, I was able to mingle a bit more than usual. I was early enough to have breakfast along with staff and students. because I'm a people watcher, I typically just stand around and watch or I sit by myself. For some odd reason, I was inclined to sit with some co-workers. I experienced sitting with a grown clique.

Have you ever watched your children try to talk to other kids their age and you just want to run to their rescue and save them? That was me, I wanted to save myself. LOL  I saw a few familiar faces so I sat with them. I wish I had just sat alone or returned to my class and ate alone.

I felt out of place and like I was trying to hard. Yup, me Cheneka Hobbs: Ms. Outspoken, Ms. Get Along with Everyone, Ms. People lover!! I felt out of place, It's not that I was trying to hard, or looking to make new friends, I just thought as adults we could all sit at the same table and talk.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not having a fit over it. I just understand on an adult level " Grown Cliques".. This wasn't my first experience with it BUT I do hope it will be my last. The older I get, I'm becoming more aware of who I am and my levels of toleration.


My lovies, I challenge you to always make sure you're treating people the way you want to be treated. You treat them with respect and always be mindful of our actions intentionally and unintentionally. Some people are not as strong as they make themselves out to be.
This experience has been yet another eye opener for me. I'll be sure to think twice of other's feelings and my actions. I would hope that we do the same.

Signed,
I'm NOT a Mean Girl, just Simply Cheneka!!

I chose Victory....

I remember always thinking, when I have children they'll have their father's last name, they'll have this, they'll have that. All because I do not carry my father's last name.

Did it effect me as a child? Sure it did. Did it define me as an adult? No it did not. 

I remember growing up always remembering things from my childhood that were always not good. Yes I had fun as a kid but to me, it wasn't the fun that other kids talked about. 

Did it effect me as a child? Sure it did. Did it define me as an adult? No it did not. 

One of my biggest lessons, biggest spiritual breakthroughs came in the form of forgiveness. Yes I've heard many people say, you have to forgive so You'll heal. While that maybe true, I soon learned not only do you have to heal but you also have to forgive yourself so that you can move one.  

I know, why are you forgiving yourself? You're forgiving yourself because, if you're anything like me, you carried the weight of not feeling good enough. You carried the weight of being mad at yourself, you carried the weight of whatever was done against you. 

It's so second nature to carry extra baggage when you don't have too. We pick it up and it becomes part of our genetic make up. We carry being the victim almost like its a badge. 

I was hurt

I was ignored

I was talked about 

I was laughed at

I was judged

I suffered.....

You become tired of it but you don't know how to drop it. You want to smile but you lost it being mad at yourself because of how someone made you feel. 

When and how do you take back ownership of your own life? You forgive yourself and cut the excess  off! Is it hard? 

Yes it's hard.

Will it be easy? No it won't. 

But will it be worth it?  Yes it will. 

My lovies, let today be the day you chose YOUR victory. Let today be the start of something new for you. No more self pity, no more blaming, no more carrying the weight of the world. Carry your own stuff, that's all you're fully responsible for anyway. 

Join me in choosing, VICTORY!! 

Signed, 

Simply Forgiven, Simply Victorious, Simply Cheneka 

Just Slow Down......

I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I was when I first moved to Atlanta. I was going to take this big City on like nobody's business. I had so much to prove. I had to prove I was good enough, I wasn't going to fail AND that I could make it.

Fast forward to today. As I sat and took time to reflect, I'm so thankful that after I realized I had nothing to prove to anyone, life became simpler and easier. Once I realized the only people I had to prove anything to was God my father ( and all I really have to do is Love & serve him) and my children, everything that was supposed to happen started to happen.

Yes, I took a few " L's" but they were just setting me up for the ultimate Wins.

I will celebrate 8 years in Georgia( Lord's willing) this November. 8 is the number of new beginnings. I've declared this year's mantra " I will not lose & Whatever is meant for me will not pass me by". I believe that with every ounce of life in me. Our lives are not a race. It doesn't matter when you arrive to the finish line, it just matters that you don't give up in the process and that you make it.

I wanted to be the 1st in my family to do a lot of things but as I lived and became a mother, other things became important and I realized that it IS important that I become my children's 1st.

I challenge you to stop and take your time. You want to build an empire? You can, there's no rush. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was the world. God took his time forming each and every creature. He took his time forming the sun, moon and stars. He even took time to rest. So when your body speaks, take heed and listen.

As quick as I want to be done and live a quiet married life some where with my amazing husband, I have to first build, date and marry. Can't get to the end result without working the middle.

I challenge you to work the middle, work your right now. Don't give up, slow down, make adjustments, make changes, become your best YOU.

Don't rush to just get done, you'll miss the lessons and strength you'll need in between.

Signed,
Simply Living, Simply Learning, Simply Cheneka

Don't be They...

Every year, I found an excuse as to why I did not celebrate my birthday. I used to look to friends to help me celebrate but it just never really happened. Then I started blaming it on, I wanted to make sure my kids had great birthday celebrations.


When I turned 35, that was my last real celebration. Shame on me. I would buy and receive great gifts but to actually set time aside and celebrate, I was failing. Failing myself, failing to thank God for a new year at this thing called life.  I became that friend who celebrated everyone and disregarded myself.

As I worked on my vision board for 2017, I made personal declarations and promised to celebrate myself THIS year. My sister friend then in turn reminded me, " They will only celebrate you as much as YOU celebrate you". That comment opened my eyes and made me think reallllllll HARD. I had become my own they. They didn't acknowledge me because I didn't. They didn't offer to celebrate with me because I didn't celebrate me.

The "theys" in our life play two roles. They will either push you or they will talk about you. Life is teaching me, they only care because they want to see you fail or they are pushing you to be great.

Which they are you? I've learned, the immediate theys won't celebrate because in so many ways, YOU have become the competition. You have become the " they" that's determined to make it.
You have become the " they" that they fear: Sucess.

There's room for everyone to make it. And the ones who really care, will in turn turn around and help pull you up with them.

Today, I challenge you to not become a victim to they. They only care when it benefits them. They only care because of what you can do for them. Let that mentality stop today.
Celebrate you. Celebrate your highs and lows. Celebrate your successes and failures. We celebrate failures because it's teaching us how to make it into a win.

One of the worst places to be is in between. In between a career/ job change, in between seasons, in between finding your place and giving up. But in that place, still celebrate. Find strength and even encourage yourself. They won't, so what! It's your place to do it.
Celebrate when you are right now because tomorrow, you won't be where you are now.

Signed,
They won't kill me, Simply Cheneka

All things aren't DEAD

There's a patch of grass on the side of our house. I've watched it over the course of a soon to be year this summer. It's gone from a beautiful green that I've mowed, to a burnt state. Over the last few weeks, weather in Georgia has been a bit cold. For this thick boned Northern girl to feel cold, it definitely must be cold. Oops, focus Cheneka ( I digress)... Lol


Each morning while walking my son to the bus stop, I always glance at the grass. It didn't start growing and turning green over night. It was a process.

Woe is life, the never ending growth process.
Some days you will feel you're at the peak of your game and some days you'll feel like you're losing. I've deemed this year as, " I will not lose" and " Whatever is meant for me will NOT pass me by". Just like the grass, daily we grow. Some days our growth is visible and some days, its internal growth.

Some days, our growth isn't for the world to see. Somethings we need to process and go through without the crowd. I've learned this and processed it the hard way. Hard lessons yield the most amazing growth. Take those lessons and allow them to grow you.  The tears you shed they truly water the soul.

I know we face situations and sometimes we feel that all hope is gone. Or even, were holding onto dead people and dead situations. I've learned to let it be and fall where it may. Sometimes, we have to walk away and let it die. If it's meant, there'll always be an opportunity for it to grow again. We cannot rush the process, it must happen on its own.

I challenge you to Grow. Grow in all areas of your life. When you least expect it, a situation that you felt was dead will re-surface. Because you stepped away from it, you allowed yourself the space to heal and grow. Because you took the time to work on you, you can now either work on the situation or experience closure.

Either way, allow yourself the space to grow. We're never to old and we never stop growing. It's an never ending process.. To grow!!!

Signed,
Sincerely Enjoying the growth process!!

Simply Put, Simply Cheneka

Sometimes!!

I have attempted to blog everyday since Friday.  I know, just plain SAD,,,
In my heart I had so much to say, each title had life but my mind and body reminded me that, " Gitl, you gotta work so you must rest". I'm sure each of you can attest to just having a lot to do. That has been my life these last few weeks. My Assistant on me like " Cheneka, check your email", my Accountability sister reminding me to take it easy but get stuff done, my business/ Women's org partner reminding me we have work to do, my children and my undying commitment to them and above all: my Father reminding me, " what's meant for you will not pass you by, WORK Cheneka"!!

I made up in my mind that I'm not losing this year but in the process I must pace myself, not take on more than I can handle because easy does it.

Whew! We need those reminders from time to time. As women, we sometimes think we must carry the world on our shoulders. We don't have too.

This weekend was a reminder for me that, it's okay to utilize the people I consider my village AND allow the other parentals to do they're part.

Just because I've carried many loads on my own, that's not the way God would have it be. And I, Cheneka need to understand this load isn't mine to bare alone. And I release, I release various fears I've carried, worries and my new mindset is let everything else go. My mantra and mirrors in my house remind me daily, " I will not lose and what's meant for me will not pass me by".

In a few weeks, I'll turn 30 for the 8th time. 30 again, lol
I kid, I'm happily embracing 38! There are people who did not and some who will not make it. If it's

God's will ( and wholeheartedly I believe it is) I will wake up wiser, stronger, more determined and cuter on 2/16. 2017 came in so nice, calm and well thought out for me.

No losing and no settling this year. I'm here for the risks, I'm here for the adventures, I'm here for the challenges and more I importantly I'm here. I'm here to be me, unapologetically and freely me...

Simply Put,
Simply Cheneka