With Loving Kindness Have I drawn Thee.......

My lovies!! It's been a while. Life has bought about numerous changes for me. Good, Bad and indifferent but still I thrive to be the best version of Cheneka. There's so much I could say but I'll keep it to a minimum...

I guess you're wondering who are the 2 women in the picture. One is Mother Kelley(COGIC) and the other is longtime church friend from back home, Vera Brown. Well what is COGIC? It's the Grand ole Church Of God In Christ... Where you can't join in, you must be born in( no seriously it's an old convocation song we sang in Massachusetts Juridiction #1)

"This is the church of God in Christ,
This is the church of God in Christ,
You can't join in
You must be born in
This is the Church of God in Christ....."( As I hear the late Bishop LC Young singing)..

So why the picture and how does the title go with the picture?

There have been a number of videos posted since last year on facebook. Just yesterday, I saw the ones being posted on instagam. While I have not seen the video in it's entirety, I will say my heart was a bit saddened. WHY??? And trust me, this blog is not a bashing, it's merely my thoughts but sometimes before we laugh, we should consider the feelings of the other person.. I will be honest and say, growing up it was the typical thing to laugh and mock a person as they shouted in church. We were young and spent a good amount of church with the same people every single week.

But as I've gotten older and developed my own relationship with God, I've come to understand before we open our mouths to judge, consider the person.

We fully  never understand a person until we've gotten to know them. Some people were not born attending church. Some people found God after dealing with situations that should've killed them. Some found the church by default, some found the church while they were getting high.. And instead of being embraced: alot of these people have been mocked, talked about and even ridiculed.
People have experienced all types of hurt in the church and it's never ever been addressed( and the hurt goes DEEP). The church is supposed to be the one place you go to feel loved BUT it has now become the place that so many people refuse to walk into.

GOD IS LOVE~ God is pure LOVE~

"Long ago the lord said to Israel, " I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love have I drawn you to myself". ~ Jeremiah 31:3 NLT  I've learned that rebuke comes in many different forms. But open rebuke can be the most harmful when it's not followed by correction and love.  WE judge people based on their appearance and it's not fair. A person only does better when they are taught better.

I've learned sometimes, we have to meet people where they are and be ok with it. If you truly want to know a person's heart, sit and talk with them. No alternative motives, no underline schemes, just one on one conversation.

In order for us to reclaim the church and for God to truly operate and see MIRACLES, SIGNS and WONDERS let's get back to showing love. Let's return to where love is an ACTION followed by teaching and nurturing. GOD is perfect therefore LOVE should be perfect. If we continue how we are, we're going to continue losing souls by the dozen.

I ask that each of you say a prayer for Vera tonight....

Signed,
I don't just go to church, I AM the CHURCH
~Cheneka

He Picked ME~

Sidenote: This piece is just me getting in touch with the writer in me.. Not necessarily how I'm feeling today BUT it is bits and pieces of my life over the years... I hope that you can relate to it in some way and understand that no matter the circumstance(even for my male readers) He picked you 2~

I once read that, when you let out the fear, upsets, highlights and lows of the day, it helps you to sleep better. I don't know accurate that statement is but here goes...

Today wasn't a good day. I felt like crying more than I smiled and sometimes just to hold it all together I had to take moments just to let it all out.

They say LOVE is blind but how do you overlook the LOVE you see daily that treats you as if you don't exist?

Water is free they say, Whelp if you have to charge me 25cent  to pour it into a cup, I'll let that cup pass from me...

You want to get ahead, but the cards seem to keep dealing you "Uno" draw 4's and Skips....

My turn has been skipped again, the call went unanswered and here I am left like a drying leaf waiting too to be blown in the wind AGAIN...

Please pick me, pick me... No!

The grass looks greener on the other side but once I jumped the fence to get a glimpse and maybe take a roll in it, there were patches of brown where it hasn't  been watered.... Gone untended...

My soul, my soul is weary...
I just want to feel like Jesus is listening but my mind keeps saying,
"Girl, he Ain't thinking about you"..
So, i keep searching in hopes that Jesus will see me
But YET I keep hearing my own voice saying
Please pick me~

But what I've failed to realize is that I was picked way before my parents thought of me.
I was picked way before the hurts, misunderstandings, lies and pains..
He picked me~
Little ole me,
The girl that was so misunderstood that even I was afraid to spread my OWN wings and HE gave them to me.
The little girl, who wanted a nose job so bad I fantasized about being called cute.

Pick Me, Pick me..
Love me like there's no tomorrow,
Hold me close to your heart to keep me from falling.
Respect me as I respect you,
Understand me when I'm not even making any sense.
Listen to my dreams,
Understand my journey.
Don't try to change me
BUT
Enhance what I've already been called to do.
Understand there can be no REAL us, until You become true to YOU...

He chose Me for this journey..
I opened my wings, that HE gave me and I began to fly.

So on today,
Although I cried just a little,
my frown was replaced with a smile.
although, I'm questioning where I am in life today,
I know new horizons and opportunities will await me upon opening my eyes 2morrow..
Tomorrow is so close, so near, I smell it
Nobody is holding me back but me and these fears...

I'm going to close my eyes and look for me..
Look for that Woman
 HE has created me to be..
She's there,
Waiting to be embraced,
and you know, the most FASCINATING part about being Me is....
HE picked ME~

Politically Correct... ( A Moment of Truth)

  Sometimes, when I sit and think of things I've done and said as a while growing up and coming into my own; I can truly say I was mean ole chick!!
 This morning, as the Partners of my church were gathered on the line for our morning prayer call, my Pastor made a comment that kinda caught me( and I'm sure many others) off guard..

After he said it, I sat and thought about it and I agreed with him.
God, I AM thankful I woke up in my right mind
God, I AM thankful I was able to blink my eyes, move my hands and feet without assistance
God, I AM thankful I can read, write and express myself based on what and how I feel, NOT what's programmed in me
God, TODAY I AM Thankful just for life and the option to move at my own speed

When I heard the terms "slow" and "retarded" growing up, I instantly thought of the kids who rode the short yellow buses, with helmets and drooled( don't judge me) but today, after my Pastor put it into a different perspective, I realized life has paralyzed many of us, leaving us in slow and retarded states.

We are "slow" to respond when God is speaking to us and we're "retarded" because our actions are and have become delayed. I must admit, I have had slow moments in life. And it's not because I was born that way, it was just my way of thinking at that moment.

 Let's take it a bit further, our responses to life in general with all of it's challenges, ups and downs have left us in "slow" and "retarded" non-responsive states. Our reactions to someone mistreating us, taking advantage or even  belittling us has left us numb and even slow. Slow to respond and delayed with a response. Hmmmmm, how many time have you stood and not responded??

While, it's politically correct not to use offensive words, sometimes the politically correct term has more than one use.
I will NEVER purposely call anyone out of their name or make fun of them, however if a word has two meaning it's POLITICALLY correct to use it, I will!!

17 years ago, we used the term slow alot. 16 years later, I refuse to act in a slow state. There is always that person who is mean and hurtful waiting to catch you on your off day and call you out of your name because  there's just mean spirited people in the world.. Don't fall victim!!

Signed,
I'm Refocused
Refreshed
Renewed and Rebuilding Daily~~

" don't look at me to judge me, Look at me to be encouraged and Inspired to find strength to keep doing better"


I glanced at you yesterday
But knew something was up.
Your smile was gone and your face was turnt up.

I know each day doesn't predict a smile
But the facials you where showing just made my heart ache.
Each smile that we think is the prettiest, is filled with hurt.
Behind closed doors, you deal with the hurt.
Feeling neglected, feeling alone, the world doesn't have to know, so I'll fake it til I make it and give them a Pretty Smile.

A hidden Glance

I glanced at you yesterday
But I knew something was up,
Your mascara was running and your eyes did not light up.

I know each day your eyes will not sparkle
But today I felt for you and wondered,
Why does the hurt look so bad. The look you gave was one of pure disdain, no love, just hurt and a cold,cold stare. You're mad at someone or even something and and that distant glare is lifeless, no expression.

A hidden Glance


I glanced at you yesterday
But knew something was up,
Your heart was shattered and you wouldn't look up..

You wore pain filled with silence. I wanted to help but didn't know where to started,
I wanted to speak but the words would not depart,
I wanted to hug you but my arms were to far apart...
I did what I knew best and wrote..

Dear Unknown
Everyday I'm stealing a glance,
I wonder about you and who you are..
you are beautiful,
lovely eyes, pretty smile, beautiful heart.
But you HURT... The words are not always there but I want you to know I care.
Without speaking, you speak to me.
And I just want you to know It'll get better.
Your hardships are becoming your book, your book is becoming your story and your story is your testimony on how you MADE it.

So, I'll keep with my hidden glances
But know, what you're going thru is giving me the strength to keep going.
Because if you haven't given up neither should I...

" The test isn't who's suffered the worst, the test is who went thru it and came out stronger"