Flawed BUT Perfect...

It's so easy to look at other people's lives and wish you had what they have. 

New Year's Eve, my bestie and I had a 3 hour phone convo( yes we talk that long in real life, most days),about our lives. Our mishaps, bad relationships, good relationships, broken hearts, parenthood and divorce. Yes, we all suffer from one or all the things listed above. 

It's so easy to be an outsider looking in to what is deemed as perfection. To add a cherry to my plain vanilla icecream sundae( don't judge me), my Spiritual Father, preached the exact same message during NYE service( I mean verbatim). I texted her during service telling her. It was as if he was on three way with us. 

Just because it looks good from the outside, doesn't mean it's heaven on the inside. We get so caught up in reading more into what's there that we think our lives are horrible. 

I'm learning it's best to be single than in a relationship where he has another woman he's promising to build with.  It's best to lay in bed alone, than to lay next to someone who has kissed everyone but you. 

I tend to shy away from blogging about love/relationships because I've been dealt a hand that I didn't ask for. Don't get me wrong, they all didn't start that way BUT somewhere down the line we just didn't mesh anymore. 

But I'm Very optimistic these days. Cupid's arrow is messing with me and at some point I'm going to have to fully give in. 

My question is???  Do perfect relationships exit? To an outsider YES but to the 2 people giving their all, their Mess is their love. I'm down for a guy who has faults, I'm down for a guy who may forget to put the toilet seat down, I'm down for a guy who works hard and needs a minute or 2 after work to wind down in his man cave. I'm down for the guy who's not rich but loves me Richly. It's not the monetary, it's his actions that will speak more clearly than anything else. And don't misunderstand what I'm saying ladies, it's not just the guy who has to do his part. We must pull our weight too. No nagging, no selfish acts. Prepare him a hot bath too, rub him down with massage oils, they like honesty too. Teach him to communicate with you( they tend to shy away from

Doing all the talking). They're not the best at communicating but this is where you will both grow together and In Love... Love each other like it's only the two of you in this world. Outsiders don't matter 

Today my Lovies, the challenge is: to be honest with you. Love your flawed self. Not a soul walking this earth is perfect. I mean, we want to be but the truth is we're really not. Love all of your imperfections. And for the flaws you can fix, don't make excuses fix them. 

We're all entitled to be with, Marry and Love the exact same person over and over again but better each day. If you're in a situation that's not yielding the Love you need, quit being a fool gather your ish and move along UNLESS you like the chaos. And let's be real, a chaotic life is not the business. 

I'm no love expert but I know what it is to Love someone truly in your soul. For Love is an action. It's never ever Love that hurts us but people. Love yourself and Love the people who love you. 

Cupid has a funny way of pricking us. Don't get caught up having a Will and Jada love because even they have bags full of trash too. Have a love that's  uniquely designed for you, Flawed but Perfect!! 

Signed, 

Simply Cheneka 

My Pushers...

Anyone who truly knows me know that Chelia and Matthew mean the world to me. Parenthood has its ups and downs but for the most part each day I rise to the occasion. I question how my life has turned out at times but in the scheme of things, the 3 of us were destined to be a family( and I'm confident in knowing our little family will soon be complete). 

Some big things are about to take place in our lives. With the 1st being my return to school. As I rearranged my wall art tonight, I added pictures from our family photoshoot this summer. My children are my motivation to keep striving for excellence. I have to set the standard for each of them to model. Each morning I wake( after I pray) I will look at their faces. At night while I study and prepare for the next phase of lives I will look at them. 

For my daughter: We may fall babygirl but we get back up. We never ever quit. Sometimes, we have to travel alone and that's ok. The goal is to work hard at everything you set your mind to accomplish. Sometimes you have to stop talking about it and be about it. Work hard, play later. 

For my son: Always strive for greatness. Defeat is not apart of our vocabulary. We will always keep trying until we succeed. Just because life throws a few curve balls our way, we will still proceed with the plan. Always strive for excellence. Work hard, play later. 

My Lovies, 2016 will only be as great as we make it. Set goals and keep them. Make sacrifices, make changes, become better, do better, be honest, be kind, be loving, be In Love, be smarter than your dumbest choice.... Challenge yourself to complete everything you've set out to do.  I'm nervous but for once I'm confident. Confident in myself and where I am right now. I'm ready to soar.. And as long as my little people and a few very special people are in my corner; I got this.. 

Signed, 

Neka T. Speaks 

Lessons in Honesty...

Vacation is FINALLY coming to an end!! Bless God who sits high!! I must admit, this one on one time I've had with my son has been quite entertaining. He's an inquisitive old soul in a young body and he's a lot like me, with paying attention to people's words. 

My children and I are very close and I talk to them with complete honesty. I want them to always trust me and know I have their best interest at heart. My daughter has shared with me on numerous occasions that she wants to see me happily married. We indulge the conversation and we move on. Who knew all along that little Matthew Ashton IS attentively listening.. 

New Year's Eve, we were in 1 of our favorite stores Old Navy. As we stood in line, Matthew was holding this really cute bracelet. He kept saying, " Mommy this is  your wedding gift". I responded with, "Awe, thank you son" and continued to move along in line. The gentleman in front of us turned around and congratulated me and I said, "if I knew who my fiancé was I'd tell him you congratulated us". We both laughed. The line was a bit longer than usual so I gave son my phone to watch videos. 

We finally made it to the register, I paid and we left. As we drove home, my son says, "Look mommy here's your wedding gifts". I turned back to look and not only did he have the bracelet but he proceeded to pull earrings and a ring out of his jacket pocket. I was absolutely shocked. I mean, I know the woman wears something borrowed for the wedding but never anything stolen. I immediately took the items from him

And told him that stealing is never ever ok. His facial went from happy to sad and confused. A moment that was intended to be sweet in his mind turned into a life lesson. We. Do. Not. Steal. Ever. Period. 

I explained to him that when its time for mommy to get married that he along with his sister and my future husband can go into the store and purchase mommy a gift together but we're never to steal anything. When we steal it makes mommy sad and police become involved. 

I assured him that he's still my favorite little guy and we prepared ourselves for NYE church service. 

After we finished errands today, I told him, "Son were going into old navy and you're going to return these items. He said, "Mommy that will mean they know I stole them", true enough but we're honest people and we do not steal I reminded him. 

We walked into Old Navy hand in hand and I asked for the manager. I was directed to her location and I explained that we were here to return items that my son stole. She was shocked and almost in tears as Matthew handed her the items and apologized. She looked at me and said you're an Awesome Momm and God Bless You. We quietly left the store but I could hear her telling the people in the store and a few said wow, that was noble. 

My Lovies, let this year be the year where were held accountable for ALL

Of our actions. Let's be people of intergrity and honesty at all cost. 

Today's lesson in honesty will serve as a life lesson for my son! 

Signed, 

Neka T. Speaks