Blended? Riiiight

I'm a step-child. Both of my parents are married to someone else. Do I like my step-parents? I do, but was it always easy? NO
I have sisters and brothers. According to the world's standards, they are 1/2 brothers and sisters when you only share the mother and full brothers and sisters when you share the same father. I beg to differ. I LOVE each of my siblings equally. We're definitely all different but as their oldest sister, I feel its my job to love and protect all of them. I remember a few times taking a licking on their behalf( a swift punch to the face defending my sister once and a couple of knockdown drags out defending 3 of my 4 brothers).. To me, definitely worth it.
I still haven't figured out what makes blended families work so well. Is it all the parties involved being on the same page? Is it reassuring the kids that I'm not replacing your other parent, I'm here to provide extra LOVE & SUPPORT? We each posses different beliefs and characteristics.
I know for myself, I LOVE kids without a shadow of doubt. People laugh at me from time to time because one of my fave lines is, "It's for the kids". But, if you know me and know me WELL, you will know this is TRUE( that's a funny sentence huh?)
I believe, we should not transfer our beliefs, misunderstandings, failures and shotcomings onto kids. It's hard enough for them to find their voices and learn to express themselves. But, its even harder when we transfer what we feel onto them, therefore confusing them MORE.
Nothing in life is easy. We will encounter more no's than yes', more stumbling blocks than a few. but, the courage and strength lies within us to come out on TOP.
The cycle of being blended has now surfaced in my life. My daughter has a bother on her dad's side and I have a son as well. My son is shared with three sisters( 2 from his dad).
This journey has been hard. Are we all adjusting? No! Too many people are involved and are NOT respecting the position of the PARENTS. When to many people are adding their ingredients, the SOUP taste horrible.
When we become adults, we take on the responsibility of our own actions. I know if my parents could change some of my decisions, they would because I surely would. But this is my cup, I poured it so let me sip it. We have to be strong and confident enough to know that we're doing the best we can. And when we receive to much negative feed back, it hinders the process of going forward.
Can tomorrow be better than today? It's possible if we just take the time to pray. And, not only pray when it seems bad, but pray when its good so that God will see our grateful"ness" and keep paving the road for an easy journey.
Ultimately, do I think blended families are bad? NO, I do not. I'm the product of one and now my children are too. Am I trying to make it work? I'm trying my hardest, so please don't HINDER my process.
I'm not asking for anyone's help because I've learned enough on my own being the product of blended. for it has it's good days and bad, smiles and frowns. BUT, I'm happy and the experience has made me stronger.
Blended?? Yes, blended..
Is it right? Who are we to say YES or No?
Riiiiigggght....

The Relationship Affidavit

Tday, I will no longer sign on any relationships dotted lines..

To much heartache, to much stress
Instead of me letting it go, I carry it right into the next...

I thought I'd passed the test, thought my Boaz had finally come home so I could rest,
but in his place was

Po'Az, always had a theory on how to get ahead,
Lyin'Az, talked so much even his momma didn't believe him,
Broke'Az,, he was confused he didn't realize he was supposed to contribute to the our account too.
Then walked in Fine'az, who was to fly for words, I then found out he was Downlow'Az
So, again I waited, this time walked in Cheatin'Az, who soon turned into goodfornothing'Az, Always talking about he would do it but IT was never completed because he was to busy doing someone else.
on down the line came Cryn'Az, someone was always doing him wrong, on his job, in school and the list goes on and on...
Then walked in Lazy'Az, who was a trip within himself, his theory was where ever he dropped it, is where it stayed.
I knew I had enough when in walked Bestyo'Az, to bad he didn't know I had a frying pan waiting Forhis'Az..

At my wits end, I sat down and had a conversation with God.
I asked him where was I going wrong?
He reminded me that,
A real good man is supposed to find ME.
And when he does, I will know it because there will be no signs of the others I let in.

So,
I'm waiting..
No longer willing to sign on the Relationship Dotted line.
Instead, I'm waiting to sign my name on the forever line..

He may not come in the form of boaz, he may be Jose', Terrance or even Bryson.

Buy, whomever he is, HE will be sent from God because HE will find ME!

Signed,
Woman In Waiting

I Needed my DAD( Dedicated Adorning Dad)

I want to be loved...
Long walks in the park,
Soft kisses on my cheeks,
The diamond ring in the velvet box,
A Family.

I want to wake up knowing I'm loved,
No worries of a dysfunctional relationship,
No emotional or mental abuse, No cheating either.

I've come to the realization that the knowledge to obtain this, my mother couldn't provide.
For mothers are nurturing,caring, loving and dotting.

I needed my DAD
Not a fly by nite random John,
But my DAD.
The one who hleped to concieve me.
My dad,
The one I resemble, the one who's traits I carry.

I needed the guidance,
I needed the truth..

I needed him to stand up for me-
To teach me right from wrong.
To help me understand that there are good men and some are bad.

I needed my dad,
Especially when guys started showing interest in me.
His words would've helped me..

His words would've consoled me when I encountered boys who were NOT quite yet men..
They would've helped me to avoid pitfalls that left me bruised.

Years have passed and they have not been fully wasted.
I still matured and grew
BUT my Dad's words would've been appreciated.

I'm NOT speaking from a place of hurt nor a place of hate,I'm speaking from a place of Understanding and Release...
Acknowledging that somethings happen beyond our control.

In this cylce we call life,
God allows the unexpected to happen to prepare us for better.
Better days are ahead,
But I have to want them
Better days are right over the horizon,
and I happily awaiting the Arising.

Life hasn't been easy without my dad,
But I survived.
I made more mistakes than a few, But I came thru.
Love isn't always easy to come by, isn't always real,
But dad you wouldn't believe,
its finally on my side,
This one is the deal...

God answered my prayers,
But its been hard,
I have issues with acceptance and holdnig everyone accountable for how things turned out with you.

I tend to push him away, but he stays right there and that dad is a true sign that he truly cares.

Nobody forewarned me how messed up I would be without a relationship with you,
and because of that the same issues have surfaced with my daughter.

However, steps are being made to change the atmosphereand provide a stable 2 parent home.


My life has transitioned,
From hurt to healing.
Tears have been shed, nights have been sleepless,
Days have been long
But God helped me thru.

Didn't understand why the familiar became so isolated and I had to leave,

But in order to want or get better the change has to manifest within...

Although I needed adad who exemplified strength and commitment to my upbringing,
Today, I live with knowing all I have witnesses
God did it just for ME!!

The piercings in his side were put there to eleviate what I would endure, to bring me to this day, this time where I'm learning to live surrendered and free!

Free to jump, run, sing and be ME~

So, to my dad who I wanted to be my friend,
I LOVE you
Thanks for helping to create me,
Thanks for the Love you gave from a distance..

What i lacked,
god provided
his love and Guidance stayed Strong,
and because of it
I can understand and see the greater that waiting just for ME!!!