Dear Son

"You came into my life, you just made everything right.... Thanks for my child." Cheryl Pepsi Riley 

Dear Son, 

Happy 4th birthday. I remember when I found out I was carrying you. I was a bit apprehensive. I just wanted everything to be perfect. On April 28th, I went in for a routine check up and within 4 hours, you were here. 9lbs 1 oz. the most beautiful perfect little boy. I've loved you from day 1. Life brings about change daily. People come and they go but one thing I can promise is that my love for you will never change. 

Together we will take life by the horns and ride. I want you to understand that as tough as it may seem, you can always talk to me. I'm far from perfect but I'm reasonable. I'll never be your friend but I'll always be your mom. 

The big 4. You've grown so much. You're talking in big boy sentences and you comprehend quite well. You're a bit stubborn at times but in time, this to shall pass. 

I can't wait to enjoy pizza, laughs and cupcakes with you on tonight! And Saturday will be the big turn up, Bowling Party. I love you Matthew Ashton. And I give you my word to never ever leave you, to always support you, to discipline you when wrong and I'll teach you to advocate for what you feel is right. 

Today, I'm thankful for MY child. Happy birthday Son. 

With Everything in me, 

Love Mommy Neka

The exchange....

Everyday I strive to become better. A better Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Business Owner, Writer( thank you guys for ALL of your comments and support) and last but not least, a better Lover.. 

I can count on one hand the number of serious relationships I've been in and if the Gawds are looking out for me, my last relationship will be on that same hand( last as in forever, the big shaBang, "The Matrimony"as Wale and Usher delivered," If there's a question of my heart, You got it".... Yes Usher!!! 

One might ask how can you become a better lover when you're single? Easy! By loving myself. By loving myself, I'm able to love others. Hasn't always been easy to love after experiencing numerous heartbreaks( and I can be honest, I'm not perfect but I strive to be understanding and caring). You can only get what you give. 

The world is trying to sell the dream of women being independent and I fully get it.. However, the load would be lighter with someone there to help. Listen, there's been plenty of days where all I've needed was a shoulder to lean on or to hear the words you're not alone( Momma I luv you and thank you for all your support) from a strong supportive man. 

Women, it was never meant for us to do this alone.

And men, it's totally okay to be the bread winner, have nice things and be on top of your game but why do it alone? How nice would it be to come home to a nicely prepared hot meal( not hamburger helper: YUCK) and a bath( don't front, y'all like baths and that sweet soft clean aroma too).

Somewhere, in the middle we have to learn to compromise. It sucks that so many of us have been hurt and we have walls and we're afraid to love or be loved again. Love is like a roller coaster. Some days it's high, way up there at the top and it's good. Some days, you're at that not so high place and it's a struggle. And some days, you're just there dangling.. Yup dangling, holding on for dear life. 

But the exchange happens when you and your partner are in tune with each other and you talk thru it. I've never been one to just clam up( hence yesterday's blog Shut Up). I honestly believe communication is the key to everything. Im guilty of overtaking but you'll never ever be able to say, " I didn't understand where you were coming from". I put my truths, my fears, my likes and dislikes out on front street. We're getting to old for game of hide and seek. I'll tell you this but you figure that out. Tuh, oh no! 

Lovies, let's be willing to love. Love past the previous hurts and disappointments. Love past previous lies. Let's learn to be open and embrace new things and new people. I love my independence but I'm so ready and willing to share with some one. Great Love is not built overnight. It takes willing hearts and minds to find it together. 

I'm challenging everyone( myself included) to be optimistic.. I want to exchange more than texts, phone calls, wet kisses, you get where this is going. Lol

I want to exchange today for tomorrow, next week for next month and next year for forever. ( I hope I'm not becoming a hopeless romantic blogger.. Lol) 

Signed, 

You won't know til you try 

Sound offffffff....

You talk to much and you never shut up, shut up.. A big blabbermouth that is what you are, if you were a talk host you would be a Star...Run DMC

I promise, sometimes it's so hard just to Shut Up! I don't know if it's the trait of being the oldest( and needing to solve everything), the fact that I'm an Aquarius and we're savers of the Universe or the fact that I'm just a Woman. Whatever the case is, I have it bad!! 

But as of late, I'm learning that sometimes I just need to shut up. Every situation does not deserve the opinion of Cheneka( although in the back of my throat and under my breath, I promise I'm saying something, lol).. 

We all deal with life and situations differently. When I can't solve something, I get in my feelings and everything and everyone is against me. I know it's probably wrong but it works for me ( don't judge me). 

I was spending quality time with a guy friend and we were casually talking. As always I have an opinion but for once I said( outloud) " You know I have something to say but I'll keep my opinion to myself"... He responded, "Thank You".. Did he lowkey agree that I needed to shut up? Lol I'll never know and because he's a gentleman he'll probably never tell either.. Shrugs 

Ladies, how do you shut yourself up or do you wait to be told shut up?

Guys, how do you deal with your overly opinionated Boo??? Let's sound off... 

Signed, 

When you walk away, I'll be talking Again 

What's in YOUR Bag?!!

.... You can't hurry up, cause you got to much stuff.. Erykah Badu( Bag Lady)

Oh how I Love my Henri Bendel tote and back pack. It's only befitting to pull them out as I'll be blogging at the Lenox location this Friday Evening( stop by and check a sister out 5-8pm).

I swear, the bigger my bag the more I tend to put inside. What's in my bag today? ( pictured above) 

My wallet, keys, phone case( for the phone I used to snap this pic), earbuds with mic,

Journal and pen

Hand sanitizer, red hots( my fave) 

Sunnies, sparkly mirror, toothpaste, toothbrush, water, chewy bar, cuticle oil, lip gloss and my new fave matte peachy peach lipstick, fruit snacks( hey I gotta have a treat for boychild) lotion, a wrap for my hair, my arm brace, my cosmetic bag and Tasey Masey( never leave home without her)... 

I know it sounds like a lot when you write it out but truly it's not. It's a Woman thang( and man to but we'll get to that).. I've always felt the bigger the bag, the more I tend to put in there. My excuse 11 years ago was, well if I buy a big bag I won't need a baby bag. So I started buying totes. Then girlchild grew up and started carrying her own bags. When I had my son, I mainly used my Burberry tote( which is fairly huge) until he to wanted to carry his own back pack. I own up to it, I just like big STUFF! All things big( Wink, Wink) the bigger the better. 

As my children grew, my need to carry their things diminished but I still found ways to fill my bag so to speak. My thinking became, I know someone will need Advil( by the way Advil is pictured above), let me grab another pen just in case, oh socks too lol.

Woe is life. We tend to carry so much that it begans to weigh us down. 

And men, y'all carry stuff too. You may not carry a physical bag but you have bags of stuff. You carry your feelings bottled up, you carry the weight of the world, you carry disappointments too. Rather than letting someone help you with the load, it goes in the bag. 

When I switch out bags, I tend to just switch certain necessities into the next without even realizing, the bag I'm changing to still may have "necessities" from the last switch off. 

Even in our friendships and relationships, we get caught up in the switch off. Are we truly leaving the old behind and embracing the new, or are our bags still carrying?? During this single season of my life, I'm truly understanding what it is to let stuff go. Stop carrying/ holding on to what I cannot change. In order for Peace to come to me, Peace has to surround me and live within me. Which I must admit, life is so peaceful. I have my days where I'm in my feelings but it's normal and it's ok, as long as I don't stay there. 

Lovies, let's start afresh and dump out all the extra mess.

Still carrying heart break? Let it Go

Still carrying hatred? Let it Go

Still waiting for an apology? Let it Go

The only way the load will become lighter is if WE get rid of it. Today, I will not hold on to what no longer fits, I'm letting it Go.. I pray that each of you will to. Plus, I'm making room for all the new that's entering and headed MY way. 

Signed, 

I'm Carrying ME & what I Need!! 💜

I don't give A...........

Today was that day. If I worked for someone I probably would've flipped the entire desk over because I was in a I don't  give a...... Mood.( I don't give a f... About you or anything that you do... YES Big Sean, feeling a little thuggish).. 

 They say when something big is about to happen, everything small seems bigger than what it is... 

I've been in this place before. Frustrated and just tired. I think we all reach a plateau and then we start to wonder, "Is there more I could be doing"? I'm working on a few projects, blogging for a few events, upcoming Ebook release (yay,finally!!!), helping a few sistergirls with their projects and STILL running KISS. But I still feel I need to do more. 

What's wrong with me?!! Lol

I know, I know I can't conquer the world but some days I want too. Rome wasn't built in a day but some days I want to build endlessly. 

If I could just withdraw from the world for a few days and re-energize I think all of these frustrations would work themselves out. 

Today Lovies, I have nothing to say but this: Rest Well, Love Yourself, Fix what you can and the rest?? Let it work itself out. I'm going to take my frustrations out on the pavement and in the gym... There's no room for Part time punks. You're either strong and you're gonna fight thru it or you'll retreat.. I shall NOT lose!

Signed, 

Just 1 of those Days 😔

L.O.V.E... Above all

I changed out the art above my bed. You know how it is when your life and seasons are changing and you want to feel new? Yup, that's where I am right now. I'm just happy being ME, with no pretense. 

I LOVE Tar-Jayyyy( ⭕️target). If Target were a man, I swear we'd have a thing going on( wishful thinking). But seriously, I found these cute blocks with my initials(CH)and the word LOVE..

As I put them up, I was reminded that above all things we are to love. When Love is honest and pure with no strings attached, it will not hurt and it will forgive(people hurt people, Love never hurt a soul. Memory will also help you to never forget). I used to think that Love was determined by how much a person did for you until I realized the BEST kind of Love is when you 1st Love yourself. 

When you love yourself, you can freely Love others. And in loving others, you find it easy to give and not look for something in return. 

I. Just. Want. 2. Love. 

Lovies, I challenge you to forgive anyone you've ever loved that has hurt you. Forgive them from your heart so that you can openly Love again. There are some people we will always have Love for but will deal with them from a distance. And that's ok. One day we all will find that one person we'll just want to spend a couple of Forevers with( Yes Christette Michelle). So what if someone has failed you before. Remember it was the person and NOT Love. 

Love on purpose and in return, purpose will Love You!!! 

Signed, 

An Opened Heart ALWAYS finds Love

My Milkshake is.....

When I changed my eating habits and started working out, I texted my sister girl and said, " my milkshake is about to bring ALL the boys to the yard". We laughed and laughed. She told me I was out control. I mean Kelis DID say her milkshake brings them to hers, so why not mine?

I'm a people watcher. I watch actions, mannerisms you name it I watch. Why? Maybe because I'm nosey for starters but more so to understand what people are interested in, mainly men because a sister has got to know!!!  

I used to think that all men wanted chicks with long hair until I recently cut my REAL long hair, went super short(?its now growing back) and started getting compliments on the regular.. 

Then I thought well, she has to be skinny. Until HoneyBooBoo's momma came on the scene, thick as ever, got engaged and recently married. Nah, they want big breasts, small waists and huge derrières. 

Dang! I was still wrong. 

I recently figured it out... What's in the milkshake you ask? 

In MY milkshake there's a LOT of kindness, a lot of listening, non- judge mental ears, a lot of hugs, kisses and compliments( men need them too). A little assertiveness and a lot of support. I'm straight forward to the point and I'm to old for mess. 

We tend to get caught up in the physical when in actuality, men know that will all fade away once they stop using those waist trainers( as will their physique). They're looking for a tasty yet satisfying milkshake. One that will still be on his mind even when she's miles away. 

So ladies, for starters keep your milkshake clean but ultimately carry yourself in a way that you'll attract one good man vs a lot of boys who just want to play. No man want a woman that's had everyone in her yard.. Plus, when boys drink milkshakes they are nasty. Who wants to share with someone nasty?  

Today lovies, don't worry about why all the boys are not coming to your yard. Hold your milkshake high, the right man is coming and once he gets to that milkshake... It'll be a wrap... 

Signed, 

My Milkshake Is for 1 MAN in the Yard!!! 

Lil Boy Bye....

I absolutely, positively loathe SOCKS!! I know, no socks your feet will sweat and stink but I don't like them. But I'll sleep in them when it's chilly because they hold in heat..Or, I'll put them on to walk around in the house because I feel like I need something on my feet.  Please don't judge my life! Lol It works for me... 

Keeping up with socks in our house is like a chore. In the laundry room we have a basket just for socks. I wash them and I promise the dryer bandit takes a few everytime. We also have what we call the sock bag and we just grab socks and put them on( well for me it's very sporadic). 

This morning after working out and showering for the day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed lotioning my legs and feet( which by the way my toes are absolutely yummy with this new color by Sally Hansen<---- plug) I put on a pair of non matching socks. I walk out of my bedroom to proceed with my day and little Mr. You know who Boychild, taps me and says, " Mommy you don't know your colors, your socks don't match"... I looked down at this soon to be 4 year old and said, " excuse me". He pointed at my socks and said, " that one sock is purple and that other sock is pink". 

All I could do was laugh because( and I hate to admit it) he's right. They don't match. Lol

This adds to my reason for me not to wear socks. We lose them.. But if you look closey, in MY defense they match because the colors are the same. ( yup I'll disagree with a kid too) lol

Well lovies, what can I say. There's always a laughable, teachable moment with children and I'm glad he's paying attention. So what if we're wearing mismatched socks. If I'm happy, you should just love it... Yes son, you too!! 

Signed, 

My Son was Right 

To Trust or Not to Trust....

Trust:::

You either have it or you don't.. I mean, if you can't trust a person what's the sense in wasting your time around them or with them? As I'm growing and maturing, I find that I'm no longer in the business of wasting MY time because it's valuable. I'm now 36, and I've wasted quite a few years that I'll never ever get back. 

So, instead of beating myself up over what I cannot change, I'm taking charge of what I can. The hardest part for me in dealing with trust, has been to trust myself. Not that my self esteem was low; I just found myself always questioning my decisions and choices. 

My biggest challenges in TRUST ( since being in Georgia) have been with my career and people. Back home, I was confident in my classroom( taught for most of my 20's) and I was secure in my position as Youth Coordinator/Worker for the City of Boston. I had people who I knew had my back without a question and that gave me a sense of security. 

(When I stepped out on FAITH( you know believing in something without seeing it) and started KISS, that was the absolute scariest point of my life. 4 years later, my business is growing, thriving and expanding).

When I relocated to GA, I was in this thing alone. Just me and Mooda Pie. I had family here who helped but it just wasn't the same. I learned, I survived and built new relationships of trust on my own. 

Far as relationships and trust, I'm learning boys will act as boys and Men, when you're dealing with a Man you'll know. He'll match your drive with his own and he'll support your process. Everything else will come automatically... Trust Me! 

Ladies, don't be foolish. Be smart enough to know that when it doesn't feel right it's not right and wise enough to trust your instincts. They won't lie. I'm learning, actions are a person's truest self. I'm not running around trusting everybody BUT I am paying attention with eyes wide open. 

Today lovies, if your relationships are not built on trust then you're wasting your time. Be confident in who you allow into your circle, your home, your life, your family's life and more importantly your Heart and your Bed. 

Signed, 

I trust you 2. 

Forward...

" what's a head is way better than what's behind..." CTH™

This weekend was filled with many emotions. Last year while chaperoning my daughter's Student Council trip( this year she's Student Council President), we purchased National Parks Stamp books. There's a list of every National Park, Monument, Civil War, Trail of Tears etc..., location throughout the U.S. We've been to quite a few locations to date. Our American passport! 

With all of the hype and history tied to the movie Selma, I felt it would only be right that we make history by crossing the bridge and I share a few teachable moments with my 2. 

As we neared Selma, i could feel my heart racing. I've experienced so much about black history while living in The South. Some moments have hurt and some were definitely Ah ha's, but nothing could compare to what I was feeling as we drove to the bridge. 

In my mind, I was envisioning Dr.King and the countless men and women who stood together to cross the bridge in solidarity. As I drove, I glanced at my surroundings. Tears began to fill my eyes and fall. These people cared enough for my future that instead of guns, the walked. They were hit and yet they walked. They were spit at and yet they walked. Sprayed with water hoses, attacked by dogs, arrested but yet they WALKED...

Forward...

I pulled over to park and I just stood there. I took it all in. The moment was so surreal. I stood with my children and together we were thankful for the movement. While my son is 3( and was dressed as Green Lantern) he really didn't grasp what we were doing but my daughter just stood there as well. She kept saying, "Mommy this is so real, this really happened". Yes. We had hoped to visit the Voting Rights Museum but it was closed as was the National Parks Indirective where we would receive our stamps and the kids become Jr. Park Rangers.  The amount of history in that little city was so unbelievable. 

As we crossed the bridge, there was this sign( if you came to my blog via my IG, you know what I'm talking about) that hit me like a ton of bricks. My daughter read it and it sparked a conversation I was not ready for. It made reference to the KKK losing the battle. My daughter asked, "Mommy why did they hate black people so much"? I though of all the elaborate words I could use but instead I chose to explain this way," sometimes, we dislike things and people when we don't like ourselves. We do mean things because it's how we were raised". Her response, "well I like all people". I stood there and hugged my children. I'm not perfect, I make tons of mistakes. But my charge, as their mom is to help them understand HISTORY, our History to be specific. 

We've come a long way and we still have a ways to go. But what's ahead is better than what's been. I will continue to push Forward.. 

Today my lovies, I challenge you to make history in the lives of the little ones connected to you. What they learn in school is a start, it's our job to take charge and teach because some things they will never learn in a history book. I Am My Beautiful Black and not just during Black History Month.. 

Signed, 

A Proud Black Woman 

Just breathe...

"Life will consume us if we let it". CTH™

I'm learning little by little the importance of just being me and stealing moments away for myself. I find it hard but this year, I promised to make me time a priority. Why not? I make my children and their needs a priority, my service to church, my business( single mom clients) and the needs of my close circle a priority, so why is it so hard to take a moment or two just for ME? 

I like long walks

I like to laugh

I like to read

I like to shop( window shopping is cool) 

I Like the quiet 

I like Art

I like listening to music 

I like long car rides

Even talking about anything other than parenthood is a plus.. 

When I began to find the time and just focus on me, I've found out that it gives me strength. And just a little bit of strength goes a long way. 

Today lovies, I challenge you step out of your 4 walls of home life or work life and find you. Take a moment to breathe, go have coffee, get a manicure, go for a walk, meet a S/O or friend at the library or movies, cook a meal. Find a moment for you. And in doing so, you'll find it easy to Just Breathe.... 

Signed, 

I'm Living and it feels good!! 

We wear Short Skirts...

Well ladies( and gents too) the moment we've all been awaiting has arrived.The  season of legs. They're going to be everywhere!! I absolutely, positively LOVE a short skirt. I'm still a little on the fence with shorts but if you give me a pair I'll make them look good( tip 1: the clothes never Ever make us, we make them if worn properly) 

Last Sunday, I wore a beautiful Ankara Madi Skirt( designed by iLoveAfrica). When I tell you I felt and looked all types of dope... I did! During the Photoshoot I kept telling the photographer " I want my skirt to blow". lol

Come on ladies, a beautiful look will do it to you everytime. So, as we embrace the impending skirts/shorts season, be reminded of a few DO's.... 

1) keep your legs shaved

2) wear skirts/ shorts that fit your body 

3) be confident( U make the outfit)

4) don't be afraid to be bold 

5) Strut your Stuff

I believe if you feel good, you look good! 

And men, when you're wearing your shorts look good too. There's nothing more attractive than a man with nice legs to match his sexiness( not cockiness). Yes, we look too. 

Pull out your dope sneakers, loafers and sandals. A confident man will attract a confident woman( Tip 2: We attract what we are Confidence + Confidence = Confidence)  And when we look good together, nothing can hold us down!! 

 The change in weather also brings forth a change in our attitude. Let's keep it simple and classy, look but don't touch( unless Yall a team), don't be afraid to compliment the opposite sex and a smile goes a long way. 

Here's to the season of skirts and shorts. May it bring you lots of compliments, good outfits and good Spring/Summer memories because I know for a fact jack, I'm going to enjoy myself!! I challenge you to do the same. *Wink* 

Signed, 

I Love Short Skirts 😊

Only a King...

"And He will give his Queen his Heart as long as she can handle it" CTH™

There are some really great men in this world. I've met quite a few good, bad, indifferent and a few I could've passed on. But none the less, I learned something from each of them. 

When I moved to Georgia, I was in a relationship and I never really got the chance to date or interact with any here. Boy have things changed, in a good way. 

Now that I'm older( I was freshly turning 30 my 1st year here), my likes and dislikes have totally changed where men are concerned. To ME, Southern men posses a different quality than Northern men. No tea nor shade, it's just different. 

At first, I didn't quite understand. I thought that Southern men were just slow. But as I began to learn about the Southern culture and re-evaluate my Northern upbringing it began to make sense. 

As I'm going into my 6th year transforming into a Southern Belle, I'm

impressed with the gentlemen I've encountered. Hardworking men, Bearded Men, Dedicated Fathers( and IF he has children, it's best that you have them to because this is a ride only a seasoned Mother can handle( IMO). His children are his prize and although he's interested in you, he's paying close attention to how you interact with your children AND his when and IF you meet them. And women, let's be clear, your King will NOT be your child's Uncle tread lightly with whom you allow into their lives as well), Frats, lovers of God, Respectable, Kind and let's face it, some are down right Handsome and easy on my eyes. 

Women, there are Kings out here. But they are not looking for bad Bi$&@es, they're looking for someone to match what they have. They're looking for a Woman who can handle her business, assist him with his, cook, clean, clean up well and take care of the empire they are building together. (Let's face it, material things are nice but who's really spending money on red bottoms? Not I.. DSW serves me well! Lol However, my handbag game is fierce, Ask About me.. Let me focus... Lol)

For many years, I thought I needed to have someone to validate me. I fooled myself. My journey of being single IS producing a Woman of Grace, Elegance and Character. My King will match my qualities and where I lack, I'm sure he'll hold it down ( and vs versa).. 

Today my Lovies, I challenge each of us to be kind to the opposite sex. We never know what's going on inside of his/ her four walls. Be kind and caring. You never know, that just might be your Forever Mate.. 

Signed, 

CheckMate, He Loves Me( in my Jill Scott voice) 

In the Wind...

Ahhhhhhhhh, last week and this day has come to an end. Car accident( not me but a client), late parents, early mornings, late work nights, 3 Worship services, sick kid, Ended.. Done, Finitto! 

As I lay here and reflect on this day, I'm so excited for MY Life. I've made some great connections in Georgia. The best part about it, I'm just getting started. With an upcoming EBook and so many other great collaborations, events, activities and trips.. You'll catch me looking cute and blowing in the wind. 

As moments come and go, I'm thankful that I have the Victory in Every area of my life. Everything may not be exactly how I've envisioned but it's not as bad as it could be. I'm glad that my Savior loved me enough to die and forgive me. 

This week as I catch the wind in my beautiful natural hair and experience a few Marilyn Monroe moments, I'm going to take it all in and enjoy.... 

You should too! As I always challenge you, this evening I just want you to Live, Be Free and Happy! Smile, it looks good on YOU!

Signed, 

Happy to Be Me