Life is a daily struggle. If you haven't yet found that medium in your life that gives you the strength to balance it all, you will surely drown.
I try not to relate much of my past to my blogs but sometimes, its the easiest way to describe how and what I feel. I've learned, while yes my road is different than yours and sometimes we take different routes HOWEVER; somewhere our paths will intersect and we will eventually face some of the same issues.
I listen to the stories of many of my married friends, dating friends and single ones and we ALL echo the same sentiments. Parenting is HARD. I can only speak for myself but even with having support its still tough. A Father will never understand the full involvement and the level most of us mothers make where parenting is concerned.
YES, I get it. Most fathers play the role of a disciplinarian, while some are non-existent. Then we have another group of fathers who leave everything to the mom and then complains when we shut them out. Really dude, what do you want from us?
Honestly, the way many of us parent is similar to how we were raised. And although we try to break the cycle, it tends to come back until we have completely figured out how to break it. I have 2 bff's. One grew who with an involved dad and the other one grew up with a part time dad who was on drugs. Today, as grown women, we all relate because at some point we became mothers and our fathers were not there completely. It was a constant struggle for me not to repeat my cycle with my daughter. I never talk in full detail about relationship with my father. It's been rocky to say the least but know he loves me. I stayed in a relationship to provide stability for my daughter( or so I thought). In the end, I had to find my voice and take the path that would better not only me but give her a better picture.
I listen to the stories of so many sister girls who are going through it with the fathers of their children. Should our children have to suffer because of the decisions we made? No, they shouldn't. A Father should be a father no matter WHAT. I was good enough for you to lay down and roll in the sheets with me, now let the love we once shared be good enough for you to properly love the child we made together.
There are so many horror stories my sisters are dealing with. Absent fathers seems to top all the list though. YES, they can be absent while physically present too.
Is this a blog to bash Fathers? Not at all, it's a blog to salute the women who still sow respect for the fathers of our children even when it's hard.. It's a blog dedicated to the fathers who are fathering without being told to do so.. It's a blog dedicated to the fathers who have stepped up to help children who are not theirs. Its a blog to the mom, who works 40+ hours a week and goes to school at nite, It's a blog to the mothers who won't give up on their child even though society has kicked them out of programs and labeled them.
I LOVE my children and nothing can change that. But sometimes, even through the smile, its harder than you think.
So, don't judge the mother at the bus stop with 3 kids running around acting a plum fool. At least she still has them and they are not wards of the state.
Signed,
A mom in her feelings today~
Ma'am!!! Get out of my head!! Gahlee..
ReplyDeleteI agree with you whole heartedly. I commend the involved fathers out there but there is no comparsion to the love from a mother. Its that nurturing love that we give. We weep for our children. There is no more helpless feeling than that of a mother who sees her child in pain and you can't do anything about it. It pains a mother to see her child served an injustice. I know the saying goes, Noone said it was going to be easy, but gosh sometimes its hard to catch your breath. There are moments when you sit silently in your thoughts and feel so alone. There have been many nights that I have cried myself to sleep. I called for my children. There has been nights that I have laid prostrate on the floor praying to God to help me be the parent my kids need me to be. That I could give them everything that they need. Wondering why would someone pass up the opportunity to miss out on these great kids. When you left me, why did you they your children as well. They didn't ask to be here. It is hard. Its hard to be all and give all but at the end of the day I wouldn't have it any other way. My children will never be able to say that they didn't have a mother you loved them. If they never have anybody else, they have me.
ReplyDeleteSigned,
A mother that will go to the ends of the earth for her babies and I know I'm not the only one.