A Time to reflect.....

I've been in Georgia going on three years.. Wow, I made it. I know that many people thought I wouldn't make it and that I'd go back home BUT the night we packed up the car and the last of my shoe boxes were packed onto the moving truck, I bid a goodbye to the East Coast and I'll see you when I see you...

Up until the week I transitioned from Boston to my Mother's house, I was still working as a Youth Worker for the City of Boston. Not only was I doing my Youth Work but duty called for me to wear my Post Traumatic Grief hat as well. We were called into Dorchester to help the family and the community deal with the senseless slaying of a young mom to three small children. She was shot in the head upon returning from choir rehearsal( her home church was literally around the corner). She was killed in front of her 3 young children, steps away from her grandmother's porch. I had dealt with a number of murders, some being close( children right from my program) however, this one hit me quite differently. I too am a mother. for about a week or 2, leading up to the funeral and burial we provided services and support to the family. Helping others in their time of need has always been my call in life. We helped with the basic PTS needs of the family( helping them grieve, setting them up with counseling, connecting them with the Louis D. Brown Peace Institute and the final step, contacting a funeral home and receiving money from the Victims of Relief Fund( if needed).

This young mother had alot going for. You see, what the media feed the community is not always the truth. We sat with her family hours on end just talking about Yanna. Not only that, but she was friends with my cousins and her children's father was a friend from high school. Up until the day of the service, we were readily available for the family with any thoughts, questions or needs they had.

Upon my relocation, I vowed to keep in contact with the family and I have kept my word.

As reflect on my journey and the twists and turns it has taken, its becoming full circle and I'm appreciating the woman I always was just didn't know how to fully embrace.

I'm sure you've heard the phrase, " To whom much is given much is required", that has rang in my ears for a number of years now and yesterday as I sat and listened to my Pastor teach/empower/preach I had an "Ahhh Haaaa" moment. Like I previously stated, I'm embarking upon my 3rd year in the good ole state of Ga and I can count on one hand how many people have been to visit or check up on my family and I. I must admit, it hurt because you know how people say, "Oh I'll keep in touch" and they never do?? It kinda put me in a position where I said, " the hell with me running to Boston". But, as God's words thru Pastor Murph were spoken, He said( and I quote) " The Lord is with YOU and he did not bring YOU this far to leave you".. He also said, sometimes its not that people don't care but they know deep down that you're okay and that you'll be ok. When the favor of the LORD is upon you, you're already protected. So, don't become upset when people are not checking on you, it's okay because God's favor is already upon you... WHEW, that spoke volumes to me and my life.

So, as I've taken moments every now and again to reflect on MY life, I can honestly say, It's been all good!! May not have everything I want right now BUT I have everything I NEED. As I keep growing, living, serving and selflessly giving of what I have, my time and talents my blessings are closer than I could EVER imagine.. It's funny, I always knew what I was meant to do in life was bigger than me being in Massachusetts and I'm thankful that I stepped out of my comfort zone into the unknown. It's been a tough ride some days but all in all the ride has been smoother than I could imagine~

Take sometime to reflect, you never know how RICH you truly are until you stop and just say Thank you....

Signed,
I'm Rich....

Do it with a Smile....

 You ever get that feeling like today IS NOT the day but you continue on, faking the funk and doing it with a smile??? Yes, I'm guilty.. But I'm learning that it's not necessarily faking the funk. It's merely choosing which situation can stay small and not escalate into battles.

Recently, I found my inner strength. and trust me, sometimes it's hard to tap into it when you allow minor obstacles to block the entrance.

Excepting who you are has been such a fight for so many people. Some are not happy with their appearance, so they alter who they are by making many outward changes. Some are not happy with their character, so they tend be someone else.

You will never fully be happy as YOU until you except YOU... 

Except your life

Except your journey

Except where you've been

Except where you're going

Except your features( big hips, lips, small butt, huge thighs, just to name a few)

Except where you've come from to better appreciate where you are going....

Ultimately learn to love you. When you have captured who you really are, what qualities you poses, you will then see that it's not so bad being YOU...

You will live with your smile

You will perform with your Smile

You will share your Smile

and you will be happy being you.

So, today I'm doing everything with a SMILE~

Some days.... Just NO words...

 Yesterday, whew yesterday. I do NOT want to relive it at all. Spent a great deal of the am, at Northside Medical Center for Pediatrics Wellness. My Mooda Pie's eye looked like she had gone through the ringer with Mike Tyson and Muhammed Ali at the same time. She has a fear of Dr's every since she was 2 and she stuffed a crayon up her nose. We took her into the ER, they sedated her with some meds that didn't help, put her in a baby restraint jacket and removed the crayon. And in the process, she scratched the ER nurse right across the face( hangs head).

When she woke on Monday, I did notice a little of swollen"NESS" but assumed it was just due to the weather, her sleeping wrong.. You know, as moms we rationalize everything. However, about 3.5 hours into cheer camp, she calls me from her phone crying. I go and pick her up and I notice her eye is a bit more swollen as is her face from crying. We get home, I give her Benadryl and she's out like a light.

We proceed with the remainder of our evening and her eye is looking a bit more shut. I tell her, "Moo, I'm calling your Dr 1st thing tomorrow to let her know what's going on". Wait, mommy she says, if I have to go in, will I get a shot? Girl, that's the least of our worries right now. Let's find out what's wrong with you.

After it was all said and done, I ended up taking her to the Dr's office. Her prognosis, 1 of two things: A Sty or a nerve in her eye became inflamed. Whatever the deal, I didn't like it. However, a Mother's job is never complete.

It later dawned on me that I'm just flat out tired. I make time for everyone but I'm losing more of ME in the process. I'm a MOM 25hours8days a week( ya'll know it feels like we do extra), then I'm Team KISS from 6;15am til 10:30pm( most nights), I take care of home then I crash about midnight to wake up and do it all again. I'm NOT a 1 Woman show but some days, it truly feels like it. I just need that break, I need to find that extra wind of air and start all over. It's not a good thing to feel like you're shutting down... so, in order to avoid it, I'm going to find an extra hour devoted just to me. Even if I'm just reading a book, meditating or sitting ALONE in SOLIDTUDE I'm doing it...

When we are no good to ourselves, we're of no good to anyone else... I need to keep going, this is not the time to get tired... But some days, there are just no words...

OAN: Watching these senior citizens in their workout class on the News and they look amazing... Whoomp, whoomp... I need to work out harder too... Guess I'll get my miles in real quick this am!!

The Struggle is Real and Alive....

" Everyone hurts, Everyone Fails, Everyone has the urge to throw in the towel"...

 Whenever I think of life, I think of this poem by Langston Hughes, "Mother to Son"

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor --
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now --
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

This struggle is nothing new to world. To me though, it just seems as though it's gotten harder. We all go through, we all want to give up.. But I'm learning if you stay strong and don't give up, there's something waiting at the end PEACE!

My 1st year in Atl was a definite struggle. Not because I couldn't survive but because I had left what was familiar and launched into my unfamiliar phase. Yes, I had family scattered throughout Georgia but they all are at least 40-45 minutes from me. However, this adjustment wasn't about them but about me. It was such a blessing that everything I needed was right in my area. Li's school was/is down the rd, shopping plaza up the street, a bus line was convient and church was within a 20-25minute drive.

But for some the struggle is more that just adjusting. It's the mere challenge of surviving. Beating the odds and living. Keeping a decent paying job, maintaining a home AND ALL the other obstacles we face.

I laugh at the commercial " I have no money because I don't have a job, I don't have a job because I didn't go to school......" But that's the fate for many people. It's sad but true. Will I ever catch a break, will I ever get out of this runt?
Sometimes, we have to go through it to become better. There's strength to be found every time to hear the word no. For every dark cloud, there's a cloud that's going to move and allow the sun to shine through but you have to stay encouraged.

I haven't blogged on a Sunday in a long time but I couldn't let the day place without encouraging someone to Fight thru their struggle!!

It's going to get better,
Signed,
I Held On~

Sometimes you GOTTA laugh to keep from crying...

 There's definitely an understanding between twins that the world will never understand. I've had the opportunity to watch my twin Aunt&Uncle growing up. They are hilarious together. I have bonus girls who are twins as well. They are still young, so I'm sure their interactions will enhance as they grow. However, watching my two friend girls from Detroit who are twins is quite Hay-La-Rious~~~

These two are like two peas in a pod. They are not identical BUT they are so much alike that they are not alike( you would have to see them in action to get it) all.

We all go thru trying times in our lives. How we determine to face them depends on our strength and stability. Personally, I'm a worry wart. I mean, I worry about the simple things too (don't judge me). Prime example, when my daughter forgets her lunch at home and I can't get it to her, I worry if she'll attempt the school lunch or will she just choose to starve and be hungry until she arrives home after school( see, I said don't judge LOL). Or, when I use my debit card in hopes that the charge won't hit until the check clears( and that's real because I'm sure ya'll do it too, again No Judging).

This last month has been trying for a majority of us I'm sure. We've either learned to adjust or we whole heartedly believe, God will never put more on us than we can bare. We grin and bare it while inside we fight the urge to break down.

Back to the twin friend girls. Their interaction yesterday went from, ready to fight each other to loving and watching netflix together in a matter of 10minutes literally. I stood from a distance( wasn't sure if the blows were going to come, lol) and watched this amazing exchange of LOVE between the 2 of them. Yes, it was heated. BUT their LOVE made them laugh and whatever feelings they felt about what they are going thru erased the need to cry. I'm learning, other that looking a mess, drooling and boo hooing, what does crying really do? You feel good after you do it but the issue still remains and you're still faced with whatever is placed before you. Yesterday's experience reminded me that, we have to keep rolling with the punches. Face life head on. Yes we ALL mess up, there'll be good days and bad and sometimes we may want it all to just go away.

However, we know it won't just go away. Face whatever it is head on and give it your best shot!!

Yes, lemons are sour BUT if you grab some water or even some sugar, hmmmmm it becomes tolerable and the taste is soothing!! Ahhhh, and refreshing!! I'll drink to that~

Make it a great Day~

No Judgement here....

 To be or Not to be, that is the question.
 To judge or Not to judge that's the REAL question.

People are quick to say, who am I to judge YOU. However, there's still a slight form of judgement that takes place. This week has been a very trying week for Tameka Foster, ex wife to Artist/Performer Usher Raymond. And, until you're a parent and you've been faced with a decision such as hers( to take your child off life support or let him continue to fight) you'll never understand.

12 years ago, I was in a somewhat similar situation. I was 21 years old, pregnant with my first child and he was diagnosed Congenital Heart Disease Failure. I was in my 6th month of pregnancy and I had to decide whether or not to continue with the pregnancy or have a DNC performed. After talking it over with my then boyfriend and immediate family members, I decided to terminate with a DNC procedure. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make. After having a number of procedures done, it was time to deliver him. We decided that if by any chance little Dahvon came out breathing, we would fight for him to live. I'm glad I serve a forgiving and caring God because he already knew what was best for me and the baby.

A few people did judge my decision and a family member even said "there were never any thoughts to kill YOU". However, until you're faced with a decision as such, refrain from judging. There is only 1 God and 1 Heaven or Hell to put you in.  He makes the ultimate decision. Parents are faced with a number of decisions daily. Some choices and decisions are more drastic than others. But the fact remains, a choice still has to be made and we have to respect what the parent decides.

My thoughts&prayers are with Tameka, Ryan( his biological father), Usher, Kyle's brothers and other family members who are affected by this tragic accident. Little Kyle, God Bless your soul and whatever the final decision may be, God we will accept it and it will be well with our souls~~

Sincerely,
A mom who understands