Just Can't Win them ALL....

 It seems, the more people we try to please the more people who become offended. I would love to just one day wake up and not have to hear and nagging. But, that's asking to much I suppose!

 In a perfect world( cricketts..........) people would understand the importance of living a life they are proud of. At the young age of 33, I'm learning I have 2 people that mean more to me than anyone ELSE in the world. They are Chelia Ne'Dawn and Matthew Ashton. The way they view me as 1st, their MOM and 2nd, as a Woman carries more weight than what anyone else says or thinks( I do have 5 people that mean just as much but they already know they matter) of me. We just cannot please everyone.  My goal is to make my CHILDREN happy, to make my CHILDREN smile, to go above and beyond for them. The heck with adults. I mean, after a certain age shouldn't we ALL be responsible for our own happiness and care less about what and how the next person is living and maintaining?

 We tend to put to much concern in the next person's life. So what if they don't agree with you, so what if they don't talk to you. It doesn't mean they don't like you( a lesson that should've been learned in grammar school, some failed the course miserably) it just means they are their own person with their own way of thinking and operating. If we all walked around and spoke the same, thought the same and lived the same, it would be a boring world with no originality.

I have 6 siblings. I grew up in the same house with 3 of the 6. I can honestly attest that although they are boys, we all are totally different. Which at times baffled me because we were in the same house with the same mother dealing with the same issues. However, we viewed them differently and had our OWN individual take on life itself.


Trust me, there will be days where no matter how much you talk, show forth with your actions and be helpful, someone will not like it and to some it just won't be enough. I say, throw in the flag on that situation and take the high road and walk away.... It doesn't mean you're giving up. It just means you LOVE yourself alot more than to keep going through the same drama just on a different day.

I'm not living my life as a race. I'm enjoying each day I'm allowed( Thank You JESUS) to wake up and breathe. I'm enjoying each day I'm allowed to be with or speak to family and friends. I'm enjoying laughing, running, smiling, shopping, living and above all making a difference. So, just in case you missed the memo, I'm NOT living a life to please everyone. As long as my GOD and children are pleased I've completed the task set before me...

 ~Just Can't Win them ALL but for the ones I can, Thank U for being you and allowing me to be ME~

It's that good Hair Y'all.. or is it?

I always hear, "Nek you got some good hair, is your hair relaxed, and my fave What are you mixed with"...??? It's all in the hair or is it?

Growing up was a nightmare sometimes. I always had super long hair and when my mom washed it, it was an all day process. Wash, condition, press, grease scalp, comb and style. I was so glad it wasn't a weekly process!!

I never really needed a relaxer( yall do know there's a difference between a relaxer and perm right). I got my 1st relaxer at around 12 and my last real one at about 23 years old and for like 2 or 3 years after that, I got what 1 would call just a halo( relaxer around the edges because they were what I perceived as nappy)SMH. 

During my High School years, my uncle styled my hair. Every other Thursday( I worked part-time in my grandmother's hair salon) was my day to get pretty. I swear, my classmates would always ask if my hair was a weave! LOL I did attempt to glue a track in my hair once and it looked a hot mess! I never did that again. I was never big on braids either. Tried that a few times. I never understood the hoopla associated with weave and braids. Too each his own, I suppose...

Now that I'm an adult, I'm learning how to properly care for my hair. How to train my curl pattern and the importance of drinking water. Water keeps the scalp replenished and it helps to retain the nutrients needed to keep it healthy. There are so many treatments I now know about because I'm 100 percent natural.... Ahhh, natural. 

There are so many different levels of natural. I've witnessed a number of friends doing the BC( big chop) and joining the Au Natural journey. We've joined hair groups, sought out different products in in the name of taking care of my hair..

I've learned, good hair isn't just always the grade/grain of our hair, it's how well we care for it. Who wants to walk around with a mane that resembles a lion? hmmmm, some do but I'm hoping it's by choice.!!!! lol

We all can obtain good hair. Whether your hair is,( As my sistergirl once said), " straight N1 hair( negro hair) or as my bestie told me, my hair(mine) is 1/2 bred, ( I died at both), WE all can have nicely styled and healthy hair!! Some of us will result in the usage of creamy crack, some will use berries and juices, some will seek out products to make it curl just right! Whatever boat you choose to Rock in, make it work for you and embrace your hair!! Cause, it's not about the grade of hair but how well you maintain it~~~

9 Months....

 The 9 months it took to "bake" my babies in the oven, does not compare to the LOVE I have for each of them.

 My daughter, Chelia AKA Mooda Pie is my sweetie pie. In her 8 short years, she's lived in 3 states, attended 3 schools and is very vocal about her likes and dislikes. Yeah, if you're EVER going to buy her any jeans they need to be SKINNY, a lesson I (re)learn every school year. Thank God for uniforms.

My labor with her was 17.5 hours, natural NO meds just ice. Those 9months( almost 10 because she was a little over a week), where breakfast consisted of cheeseburgers from Burger King with extra pickles and mustard,  did not compare to the LOVE I immediately felt upon pushing out an 8lbs 11 oz perfect little girl.

My son, Matthew Ashton is my All-star little boy FOR REAL... Son, as I affectionately call him is already a character of his own. At the tender age of 1, I already can tell he's going to be a rough lil thing and very outgoing. He's super active and he already tests his ability to get over on me. And, yeah I fail tremendously. He has mastered giving me wet juicy kisses and he feels that a kiss will right everything his little 1 year old inquisitive mind get into.

My labor with him was all of 3.5 hours. Again, natural just this time No ice. He arrived to quick!! LOL

None the less, I LOVE them. It took nine months to grow them inside of me. Feet swelling, body looking fluffy and swollen, hungry all the time but nothing ever hit the spot, some days scared some days excited, even spent some time questioning my decisions to have them at such an older age( being that most of my girlfriends had their daughters while we were still in HS, don't think Netta Girl"MOM" would've gone for that) 25 with Moo and 33 with Ash.

However I attempt to rationalize 9 months, it doesn't compare to the lifetime of memories I'm now making with each of them.

In my mind, for such a long time Mother's Day was a day to shower your Mother with gifts on top of gifts and an excellent dinner out somewhere. I've learned otherwise. Although I tend to splurge on my own Mom( for personal reasons), I'm learning to appreciate the little things and find joy in them. Yesterday, I spent it with my kids. We went to church( whew, took Son with me that was interesting he seemed to enjoy talking more while Pastor Dee preached), stopped at the grocery store and grabbed the last fixins needed for dinner, headed home, undressed right in the hallway, changed son into a tshirt and cooked dinner. Moo entertained me, herself and brother and we made the best of the day together!!! I changed more poopy diapers yesterday than I did the entire weekend and for some reason, I found myself watching Mommy Dearest, (ole crazy broad Joan Crawford..smh) by choice( well honestly was to lazy to retrieve the remote from behind the TV).

 Dinner consisted of fried chicken, field peas,black eyed pea mix with smoked turkey neck, perfectly cook white rice and corn bread. We washed it down with peach soda and for dessert, cherry pie, icecream and popsicles. I wanted to do more but the rain is NOT my friend when it touches my hair, you know natural hair will draw up pronto!! lol

9 months, has changed my life entirely. some days are good some days are bad. I do know for sure I won't trade them in for nothing in the world.

~A Happy mother's Day it was~

To SHUT UP or not SHUT UP...

 I swear being told to Shut Up or Be Quiet when I was younger was the worst. It's funny, the person who told me to shut up the most was the person who told me to always speak my mind. My good ole Momma( Love You Mom). However, I must admit, I did have alot to say.

One of my mom's favorite stories to share is the time we were in the supermarket and this woman was stealing. When we got to the register, I politely opened my mouth and said, "Excuse me, but the woman behind us was stealing" ( how ironic she got in the same line).. My mother looked at me and gritted with her lips pressed tightly together," Shut UP before you get me Beat Up"( the other woman was huge and for any one that knows my mom, she's 4'11 and petite). Really, mom? You're telling me to shut up and I'm exercising my young rights to save the planet from  would be thieves. Needless, to say we didn't get beat up and we left the store in such a hurry that I was not able to witness the reward of me snitching out the thief!! LOL


I believe that was just the tip of the iceberg of me running my mouth. Sometimes, my words we're received, sometimes it wasn't , sometimes I received severe punishment and sometimes a swift slap to my mouth. Who would've ever thought I got slapped in the mouth? Yup, I did.

Later in life, during my 1st year of college, one of my professors made a comment that to this day still bothers me.. We were sitting in class and she had just given instructions for our final. I believe that when you don't understand you ask questions. In other words, I needed clarity. I raised my hand and she looked at me and said( in her thick Indian voice," Che-Neka, what is it now, You Always have a question"? I almost turned into TaMar and told her to get her life and that's why I'm sitting in your class to obtain the knowledge you posses. Little did she know,she added fuel to the fire. Every class there after, I had a question( upon completion of the semester Prof. Ravita Amarasingham had a heart to heart) Glad I never failed that course because I would've looked mighty stupid to have had such a smart mouth!!! LOL

Now that I'm older, I understand what Silence is golden means. There is a place for everything. There's a place to talk and sometimes just a place to listen and absorb like a sponge and use it at a later time. I've learned that sometimes, the energy we put in going back and forth is just a complete waste. Sometimes, we have to SHUT UP in order to really hear. And, it's not a bad thing just to nod, especially when your blood is boiling and you want to go off. Take a step or two back and refrain from saying something you'll later regret. The best feeling is to rationalize before you spaz and later regret it.

So, Yeah, I'm going to Be Quiet or even Shut Up for a bit BUT when I get my thoughts together and it makes sense, TRUST me, I'll be talking again..
In the meantime, think before you're quick to talk and have to be told to shut-up. There's nothing more embarrassing than being told to shut-up...

Oh Come on Girl...

As I evolve more and more into my Grown Woman status( somethings we put away after we turn 25, IMO), I'm learning that there are just somethings that are necessary on this journey. Every woman needs a small make-up bag, liquid eyeliner, a black dress and a pair of nice Air Max sneakers(IMO)... Shoes and clothes to match go hand in hand without saying!! LOL


When I 1st moved to Ga, my excuse was, "Oh, nobody knows me here", so it wasn't imperative for me to dress up everyday. I had lost an substantial amount of weight but yet, I just enjoyed being comfortable. It didn't helped that I joined a church that didn't require for us to dress to the nines(BUT trust, we definitely have some fashion DIVAS in the place) and I worked a job where we wore uniform( I'd never done that in my life). For the 1st time in my life, I owned a huge master bedroom with a walk in closet. And the closet was full. Shoes organized according to designer and color but YET I chose to wear flipflops and flats. Crazy one would say, especially if there were over 60 pairs of shoes at the time (now pushing close too 80)

And one day, while out at a kiddie party with my daughter, a random parent from the center where I was previously employed saw me and said, "Wow, Neka you are beautiful outside of work". Who me I thought, you got it twisted, I'm ALWAYS beautiful..I get my hair done EVERY week, eyebrows always freshly done, got a designer bag on me at all times.
 However, one would beg to differ if they saw me in that hideous work uniform 5 days a week.

That Monday, I made up in my mind, I would start leaving my uniform at work and getting myself beautified. The 1st day I came in the center without my uniform on, my former boss asked," Ummm Ms.Neka, do you have your uniform"? I replied, "I do".. Tuh, I thought, I'm looking good this day!!!
Ladies, there are a number of things we cannot do( although I find myself guilty of a few)

1) Wear flip flops from last year( old navy always have that 1.00 sale, rack up)
2) Leave out the house in sweatpants( you never know when you'll bump into an ex or former rival, always look your best)
3) Forget to grab your lip gloss
4) Go without a dab of smell good
5) Not comb your hair
6) Run out the house and NOT match...

 We NEVER know who we will encounter in such a short time, so let's make sure we're looking and smelling good~

 ~Ohhhh, come on girl!!! It's Friday, let's go buy a pair of cute sandals~

Take it Awayyyy......

I LOVE the beach. I LOVE writing in the sand. I can write just about anything I want and as the tide rolls in, it's washed away.

 Hmmmmm, life is as such. We go through some thing and when the time is right God just washes it all way. Don't get me wrong, Oh we're here to go through but in the end, if the charges we're wrong, we're VINDICATED( Thanks Shauna).. And who would'nt like to be forgiven for charges that are outlandish and false accusations??

We have to take the bitter with the sweet, spit out the seeds and enjoy what is good and meant for us.

There's always a bit of Peace& Serenity set aside for us, we just have to be in the place to embrace it and let it embrace us..

So today my fellow bloggers, take a moment out of your day to get somethings off your chest.. Write them down( paper will work as your sand) and let the water remove them( well throw them away). They say the water helps us to grow, in this case, let it fresh you with a new start...

Ahhhhhh, the drawing is in the sand, now Water take it away...

Telephone Love..... #NOT

      "Don't talk about it, Text about it..."
Although it may seem like a tad bit of humor, if you sit and think about it, there's truth to what you're about to read...






                                 

Ring, Ring, Ring... The way I'm feeling it can just ring!! I understand why I like to text and NOT talk... There's more drama than a little bit with that thing called the telephone.

 My daughter got her 1st cell phone. She kept asking, Mommy, can I have such and such phone number. Mommy how do you text.... Mommy, mommy, mommy!! I looked through her phone, she had already texted, her Godmom/cousin, Me and her Bff ( and called her Grandmother(my mom) I was like gurl, you're fast!!! LOL

 Then, I thought about real life and how conversations are miscontrued, people's feelings get hurt and how conversations become yelling matches. Sheesh, one would think. Isn't a phone used to keep in touch, share love and laughter??

I pick up my phone and the 1st thing I do is check my text. I leave VM unchecked and miss calls unreturned( unless I REALLLLLYYY need to return the call or talk to you). I'll tell you a secret( don't judge me), sometimes I'll look at the phone, see who's calling and not answer. And don't call from a blocked NUMBER, yup you go un answered!!! LOL

 Growing up the telephone was my best friend.. But after a while, I found there was always drama with it. Especially when that 3 way calling thing was big. I swear, some conversations were true set up... But, how true of a set up? Because, if you're big enough to say something, you should be big enough to repeat it right? NOT, for some that's the hardest thing to do. But, I can finally admit... I'm grown and if I said it I'll admit it. If it hurt your feelings, hmmmmm depending on the situation I could have meant it and then again, the person could've took what I said and used it against me but for their potential gain. Get my drift??

 In life, we all have our ships to sail. Bad weather will definitely make it hard BUT if we persevere there's no reason why it can't be easy sailing. If you have my number, do YOURSELF a favor and text/email me... I'll be quick to respond and if you can look past my typos( i'm still learning my iPhone) then we're good... But that telephone thing, if you're not calling to bare good news/ or sometimes bad, then.......... Leave a message~